Best Domme Books to Introduce Femdom to Your Wife

You’re looking to introduce femdom to your wife…but it turns out, it’s a bit overwhelming.

Do you do it yourself, trying to explain everything that she might like about it?

Do you try to use a website? There are a few femdom websites out there that might be a good fit. You might even try sending her a femdom article from here on Kinky World.

Do you invite her to join a femdom forum you’re on in hopes that she’ll find her home in your community?

Maybe there’s an online class coming up – and you think you’ll buy her a ticket.

If you have the money for it, though, my first recommendation is to give her a book.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Books are the “old fashioned” way of getting advice for anything – including BDSM advice. With an internet filled with free advice – and tons of online classes, it seems like femdom books might actually be archaic at this point.

However, I recommend books to introduce femdom to your wife for a few key reasons:

• Books have a pre-set order. You’re not likely to find a book that starts with the complicated stuff – and leaves the basic explanations for last. Instead of piecing together various things, a book will provide your wife with a step-by-step explanation that slowly works her through the idea of femdom – and why it’s awesome.
• There’s no wading through malesub fantasy wankfodder. I mean, there are nicer ways to say it, but the reality is, a good chunk of femdom advice and “femdom tips and tricks” in female dominant spaces is written by a lot of well-meaning – with minimal experience – submissives. Not only is this advice usually way-too-sexual and entirely unrealistic, most of this advice completely disregards the female dominant’s feelings or enjoyment – so you end up with a skewed view that femdom is entirely about pleasing the submissive through domination in the exact way the sub would like it. Nope.
• She can read a book at her own pace. Online classes or keeping up with forum posts require a certain level of dedication. You need to be able to set aside the exact time of the class – or check in regularly on a forum. If you get her a book, she can read a few pages while waiting for her coffee to brew – or while waiting on the doctor’s office. Essentially, it’s on her schedule – which hey – isn’t that what femdom is about?
• There’s no wading through malesub private messages. If it’s a platform where you can private message, a Domme WILL get a private message – no matter how active they are. It’s gotta be some unwritten rule or something. For domme beginners who are just dipping their toes into the starting stirrings of female domination, this can be a huge turn-off – and possibly turn them off the kink entirely. The desperation, pushiness, and greed of spamming submissives is a serious problem in online femdom communities – so it means that directing beginners to online spaces may be more frightening than helpful.
• Books have to (presumably) go through an editing process. Even if a book is self-published, that’s still harder – and requires way more steps – than posting a post on Reddit or Fetlife. If the book is backed by a major kink publisher (Greenery Press, Cleis Press, Seal Press, etc.), you’re much-more-likely to have a book from an author who knows what they’re talking about. That’s not to say all major publisher books are always 100% accurate – but it means the book likely had to make it through a manuscript proposal, through multiple copy-editors, and it had to somehow not ring any bells through the entire process – which is more likely to mean that it has some functional advice behind it.
• You can share an experience with a book. While sharing website links – or attending a class together – can be something that you share when you introduce femdom to your wife, you’ll find that sharing a book feels a bit different. In the world of hectic schedules, you both can read your chapters at your own pace – but come together to discuss things when you both want. I think it’s kinda romantic in a way.

Don’t get me wrong; there are fantastic online femdom communities out there, and there are fantastic lifestyle femdom advice blogs out there (I like to consider Kinky World one of them, and I know Domme Chronicles is fantastic as well).

But the unpredictable fashion of online communities – and the somewhat-expected behavior of horny subs makes directing brand-new-to-kink dommes to online spaces a possibly-negative experience. Which, y’know, chases off someone who might have otherwise loved kink and getting to be in charge.

So let’s talk about some of the best Domme books to introduce femdom to your wife.

First: My Biggest Tip for Introducing Femdom with Books

Before you give any of these books to introduce femdom to your wife, read them yourself.

Yep, whole book.

That’s what you’re asking her to do. The least you can do is read it yourself.

Because one of the first things she’s likely going to do is come to you with questions and discussion points – and if you haven’t read the book, you’re going to be a bit floundering.

If you have the type of relationship that supports it, consider using post-it notes to write in various thoughts you have about the text while you’re reading it. (As this is “her” book, I wouldn’t recommend writing directly in the book unless you’re sure that’s an accepted activity between the two of you.)

But seeing your hand-written notes – especially on parts that talk about the mental aspects and how much it can deepen your relationship – can really help bring some of the book’s talking points home.

My second biggest tip? Let her go at her own pace. When you take the time to introduce femdom to your wife, you have to realize that there’s a whole lot going on. Not only does she now know this new, secret thing about you that you never told her, but she also has to confront and rethink all of her previous assumptions about BDSM and kink. There’s just a lot of self-reflection that goes into this.

Giving her the book allows her to do that at her own pace – and ensure you’re around to answer questions when she has them. Remember, you’re here to introduce femdom to your wife – which means having the patience to see what she’ll think about it after you do.

(But yeah, I know the waiting is hard.)

Introduction to Femdom Books

Books about femdom, including those that introduce femdom to your wife, tend to fall into two camps: generic femdom books and fetish-specific femdom books.

Generic femdom books focus on the basics of what femdom means – and how to get into the mindset and confidence required to take on the femdom role. These are likely the books that you’re looking for when you want to introduce femdom to your wife for the first time.

On the other hand, if you only have a specific kink or fetish that you’re looking to explore, fetish-focused books might be a good fit. Instead of a general way to introduce femdom to your wife, these books are laser-focused on a specific kink or fetish – like crossdressing, spanking, chastity, or more.

Let’s start with the “generic” femdom books – which tend to make the best introduction for those who are brand new to femdom. You can always get into the fetish-focused femdom books later on once you both start exploring.

Uniquely Rika

Written by Ms. Rika
Book written by a femdom directly towards lovers/partners/wives of male partners desire femdom; focused on providing understanding and setting up service relationships
108 pages

Y’know, I think this book takes the “top” of my list – but with a few caveats and explanations.

For one, “Uniquely Rika” is written entirely by a woman, for women. The book is written for your exact scenario: an interested, submissive partner providing a resource to his newly-introduced partner. This book helps explain male submission, makes the idea sound interesting and enjoyable to the potential femdom, and explains some simple ways to start building a relationship that employs some of these principles.

If you’re interested in setting up a female-led relationship – or a femdom relationship that goes beyond simply kinky sex, this is my first recommendation. This book focuses on setting up the basic framework of a femdom relationship both inside – and outside – of the bedroom.

That being said, there are no “tricks” or anything contained in this book to magically make femdom happen. The book’s basic premise is that you both need to be interested and agree to your roles – and Rika will help provide the woman information to make those roles seem fun and enjoyable instead of “yet another thing she has to manage”.

This “be ready for your role” goes for the male sub, too: it requires the male sub to go beyond their “just want horny sex” phase and into the “I genuinely want to see my partner happy even if it means doing dishes and laundry with nothing sexual about it” phase. This may or may not be the phase you’re in – or ever interested in.

The book also focuses a lot on service submission. Rika’s stance is that femdom should be about the woman (agreed!). Her idea of femdom, therefore, includes a male submissive partner that does her chores, makes her life easier, and spoils her – and she chooses to dole out sexual and kink gifts if she feels like it. For those who want bedroom-only, Uniquely Rika is probably not a good fit, and you might prefer moving down to The Sexually Dominant Woman.

However, the book does suffer from some decently stereotypical “men horny, women tired of horny men!” tropes pretty often. I’m sure that comes up in relationships, but a lot of the writing in this book makes it seem unavoidable – and like the woman’s job is to accept and direct that sexual energy because it’s often bothersome.

All complaints aside, both my partner and I read this one together as a fun, book club-like activity, and we both agreed with the majority of things the author wrote. Her style was a bit too simplistic for us at times, but I was surprised by how well Rika broke down the standard pitfalls of trying femdom – and how well she rephrased some of the femdom framework to ensure the woman doesn’t feel like an afterthought in the arrangement.

Highly recommend it – especially if you’re interested in a 24/7 femdom set-up

The Sexually Dominant Woman

Written by Janet W. Hardy / Lady Green
Illustrated how-to book on basic kink activities geared towards femdoms
117 pages

The only “illustrated” book on this entire list, The Sexually Dominant Woman also happens to be one of my top recommendations if you’re with a brand-new, never-thought-about-kink-before woman.

Not only is The Sexually Dominant Woman extremely basic, but it’s extremely approachable. The super-short paragraphs, concise sentences, and focus on illustrations helps makes this book extremely approachable. Not only is it easy to read (done within an hour – which is huge when you’re asking an already-busy woman to read a book to fulfill your kinks), but it also goes over all of the basic safety information and “how to” info that she’d need to do basic things like bondage, spanking, and understanding what the submissive probably wants out of the scene.

The book even ends with some “suggested” BDSM scenes (just like me!) – as well as some questions and negotiation points to help the femdom and her partner negotiate some of their first scenes. This stuff is straight-up gold when it comes to adding kink to your sex life.

“The Sexually Dominant Woman” is a great book – and perfect for absolute beginners. If you already have positive ideas about kink and some fetishes out there (as well as basics of bondage or spanking), you’ll likely prefer one of the other books on this list.

Highly recommend it – especially if reading words isn’t your fave
Read my full Sexually Dominant Woman book review for examples of how it looks

(This is a new, updated edition from the old copy I had sitting around. I recommend purchasing a new copy for your partner if you also have an old copy around. This new one feels very different – in a good way!)

Femdom for Nice Girls: A Self-Guided Manual for the Caring Mistress

Written by Lucy Fairbourne
Self-Guided Journal/Prompts for a Wife Whose Husband is into femdom
96 pages

Is your wife one of those people who keeps a journal – or likes learning more about themselves through writing prompts? This is probably going to be one of the best ways to introduce femdom to your wife then.

Unlike every other option on this list, this is essentially a self-guided journal interspersed with advice and information about femdom.

And unlike most of the options on this list, it is very specifically written for wives whose husbands are into femdom – and they’re unsure or comfortable about the idea.

I really enjoy the “journaling” aspect of this book, and I think it really gives it a stand-out quality.

However, with the book’s short length – partnered with the fact that most of the pages are journaling pages with prompts – means that the information feels a bit light. There aren’t long explanations about how to do things – or to really get into details or explanations to help someone feel comfortable. For example, page 2 is talking about the terror of having your partner ask for femdom – while we’re already talking about forcing your partner to give you cunnilingus or foot massages during movies on page 12.

I will say this though: especially as the book is one of the most modern on the list, the verbiage is generally spot-on. A lot of text is spent telling you that femdom doesn’t look like porn movies – and no heels are required. It talks about how femdom is all about deepening your relationship through honoring your partner’s desires – and simultaneously getting to do things you want.

It does, however, almost exclusively refer to the submissive partner as a “slave” – which may not be terminology you’re super into. And it has a few other problematic ideas – like judging your “slave”‘s interested in something based on whether they get an erection.

It’s also worth noting that it presents punishment as a must-do in a femdom relationship – when we very much know that it isn’t. It also uses odd terminology you’ll never see again (“boon” and “quest”), but it still gets the point across in a way that’s a little less problematic than some of the other books I’ve seen.

It also helps that this “book” is cheap AF with a digital edition running for less than $5.

Highly recommended as a first step to explore the mental desire to engage in femdom in the first place – you’ll likely need to follow it up with another book to get the concrete skills needed for a lot of kinks though.

The Mistress Manual

Written by Mistress Lorelei
Easy-to-read, bullet-point book about the basics of femdom – firmly planted in roleplay and bedroom-only
171 pages

Out of everything in The Mistress Manual, one of its biggest “contributors” to the world of femdom has been the idea of archetypes – for better or for worse. Almost half of the book focuses on explaining the author’s 5 different femdom archetypes you can fall into (in her opinion) as well along with the fetishes she expects you to be into if you like those archetypes. Are you into being a secretary who turns the tables on an “evil” boss? One of your expected skills is watersports.

That being said, if you fall into one of Mistress Lorelei’s expected femdom archetypes, the advice in those sections is actually very solid. She gives you ideas for femdom activities to do while in your role, costumes and behavior to take on to make the role come to life, skills you might want to practice or know before the scene – and even the fantasies/needs of a sub who fits into that same archetype. It honestly reminds me a bit of my BDSM Scenes, Step by Step series – only it’s in print and focuses more on overarching roles than a single scene within those roles.

Despite being a book full of text, “The Mistress Manual” has done an A+ job of being as succinct as possible. Most sections are broken into bullet points – or singular paragraphs with a bolded first sentence to help you easily skim through what matters – and what doesn’t. While the book is very reading-heavy, it doesn’t feel draggy or in-depth.

Also, it falls victim to the “getting old” problem. Published in 2000, it contains words like “transvestites” – and was published before the big swing in the femdom community to recognize more realistic, day-to-day dynamics. Therefore, many spots in the book place emphasis on dressing the “dominatrix” part to fulfill his (always a “his”) fantasies – and even speaking in the “right” tone of voice.

That being said, even with that in mind, the book does have some valuable info to it. It offers an okay “first book” to introduce femdom to your wife. There’s even a section about what to do if you’re an “unwilling dominatrix” – including suggestions and ideas to figure out whether this could possibly be a good fit for you if the idea hasn’t appealed to you before now.

There’s also an entire chapter called “Maintaining Your Relationship: Balancing Fantasy from Reality” – which is a rare topic that most books don’t touch upon. It discusses what can go wrong on the vanilla side of your relationship while trying femdom (on both sides of the coin) as well as what changes you might expect to see in your relationship if you try out kink with each other.

I will note: “The Mistress Manual” – unlike other books on this list – is very focused on roleplay and distinctive scenes. It doesn’t discuss a female-led relationship – or a 24/7 kink relationship. It assumes you’ll have compartmentalized your kink into scenes in the bedroom – which may or may not be how you want to introduce femdom to your wife.

Recommended to introduce femdom to your wife – especially if your wife is brand new and you both think you’d like to do bedroom-only scenes

The Art of Sensual Female Dominance

Written by Claudia Varrin
Text-heavy book on everything femdom and fetish from gentle to intense
204 pages of text; 228 pages included resources

Claudia Varrin has written a lot of femdom books – many coming out around the 2000s. However, the majority of her books aren’t in print anymore (though you can still pick up used copies!), so I’ve left them off of this list.

“The Art of Sensual Female Dominance” happens to be one of the few that is still in print. Despite showing its age, the book isn’t a bad start to the world of femdom. The book clearly has some issues that plagued us around the 2000s (like the assumption that any sub in a femdom relationship is male) – as well as a lot of sub-focused language, judgment, and a lot of “give it a try if he wants to”.

An actual sentence from the book says: “Interestingly, some unusual women are able to have long-term relationships with men who cross-dress.” Which just drips of judgment.

One of the biggest downsides, aside from the pre-inclusivity era of sexuality we’re in today, of “The Art of Sensual Female Dominance” is simply the author’s writing style. I’m not going to say I’m super succinct (I’m not), but Varrin tends to go off in flowy prose about the magic of BDSM – and other personal experiences. It’s an issue that plagues all of her books, honestly, and as “The Art of Sensual Female Dominance” clocks in at 204 pages – each page filled with top-to-bottom words – this is an issue that hits this book as well.

This is a stark, start contrast to a book above this – “The Sexually Dominant Woman” – that features short, to-the-point verbiage.

That isn’t to say that “The Art of Sensual Female Dominance” is a bad book; if you enjoy reading and want a good look into the world of professional domination – as well as a ton of inspiration for kinky things to do (to the point where it’s overwhelming in its inspiration – even for me!), the book is a decent read.

I will say: I wouldn’t recommend “The Art of Sensual Female Dominance” to anyone who isn’t already sure they’re into femdom. This book reads like a how-to manual for a femdom who’s already turned on by the idea of femdom but isn’t really quite sure how to do it – or what to do when she’s ordering her partner around.

Because of this, the book goes above and beyond the “standard” beginner book tropes – like “blindfold him while he’s spread eagle and have sex” – to niche things like: feminize your crossdressing partner and make him learn the “woman’s” steps during a ballroom dance.

But it even goes further than that into the depths of niche kinks – all the way into trampling, latex fetishism, femdom party games, golden showers, and more.

Pick this up if you can avoid too much eyerolling over the judgy parts, enjoy reading and personal stories, and know your wife is already really into and turned on by femdom kinks but is looking for more confidence and inspiration for things to do.

Neutral – has some good, has some bad, but definitely not a great way to introduce femdom to your wife if she’s brand new.
The Art of Sensual Female Dominance full review

The Kinky Girl’s Guide to Dating

Written by Luna Grey
Story-focused book with how-to lessons
166 pages

The “Kinky Girl’s Guide to Dating” is a different book than anything else on this list – because the majority of the book contains little mini, new-to-domination stories from other women. In between these fun, relatable stories, the author, Luna Grey, adds in some basics of kink/BDSM/safety/dating as a kinky person.

None of the stories are designed for arousal. Instead, a lot of them take a look inside of the mind of the unsure dominant – and provide a look into the uncertainty that a woman has in her head while performing some of these kinky activities. This makes for reassurance while reading – not masturbation material.

While “The Kinky Girl’s Guide to Dating” isn’t nearly as comprehensive as most of the books on this list, it also isn’t nearly as dry – and it also provides a whole lot of relatability – especially for a newbie to the femdom world. If you’d like some basics of kink – but also want to be entertained and feel like the author “really” understands what you’re going through, this is the book I’d recommend.

The book is also particularly sex-positive and dating-positive with a focus on single dominant-leaning women and dating. The majority of the book focuses a lot on the “curious and into it but not prodomme-level-knowledge” – which can make it really relatable for people who are new to kink without a partner.

If your interests are piqued after reading this book, I’d definitely recommend adding a whole lot more knowledge/information to your kink journey by some of the other books on this list.

Neutral – if you learn best by a “chatting with the girlfriends” style and are willing to do more research afterwards, this might be great for you. If your wife is into the idea of femdom but nervous about actually doing any of it, this is a great start.

Not Always in the Mood

Written by Sarah Hunter Murray
Research-based book that debunks “men are always horny” stereotypes
197 pages

I don’t want to promise you a super-exciting book with this one. It isn’t exciting. It’s actually somewhat dry (not horribly so!), and very focused on the research – but it’s really, really good reading that will make you rethink your relationship. (I promise it’s not as dry as the research it’s based on.)

After reading an article that interviewed Sarah Hunter Murray, I really, really wanted to check out this book – and I’m infinitely glad I did. (This article is somewhat similar.)

I feel like it’s vitally important to get rid of some of the (very inaccurate) stereotypes we have about men’s sexuality – especially if your goal is to live more harmoniously with your partner and potential submissive. Through interviews with those who identify as male and discussion about various research studies, this book goes through and pokes holes in some of our most-common stereotypes about male sexuality. Honestly, even if you’re not into femdom, this is a really, really good read. 

Highly recommend it – it’s very research-heavy, but it’s amazing at debunking a lot of the stereotypes we hold about male sexual energy. This is not a great first book to introduce femdom to your wife – but it can be a great follow-up book if you both have different sex drives.

Sex Tips from a Dominatrix

Written by Patricia Payne
Sex tips book for all genders in a heterosexual relationship focused on setting up a kink scene, getting in the kinky mood, and lots of bondage tips
203 pages

This is one of the books on the list that isn’t specifically focused on femdom. Instead, the prodomme author, Patricia Payne, wrote this book aid in adding spice, kink, and fun to established heterosexual couples. There’s even a quiz at the beginning of the book to “help” you determine if you’re a dominant-leaning person or a submissive-leaning person.

“Sex Tips from a Dominatrix” has a large spread of different topics – but it stays entertaining because the author doesn’t spend more than a few paragraphs on any given topic. I will say that the headings make it hard to re-reference information later (you tell me what “Saddle Baggle” means), but the author’s shotgun approach to knowledge keeps the entire book really interesting. I will note that her writing style feels very “vintage” and “formal” compared to a lot of the approachable writing styles on this list – but not so much that it’s unreadable.

Expect to learn about some of the very basics of kink – but still have some functional advice to apply to getting kinky right away. The book covers kinky clothing (with more space than I think is necessary), lots of ways to do bondage (the majority of the book is focused on bondage), mouth gags (I’ve honestly written more than the book has on gags, though), lots of information on floggers/whips (with virtually none on paddles), how to make your bedroom feel sexual and dungeon-like, and even an entire workout session suggested for keeping your body limber and stretchy for kink play (oddly enough) .

Some of the tips in this book are a bit dated – because the book is from 1999. The chapters on how to fly/travel with kink items are particularly dated – mostly because of the terrorism-preventions changes a lot of places have made those suggestions unusable. I did find some entertainment in the fact that she talks about wearing “Lycra” to the gym to work out. Again, very 1999.

She has a quiz (for men) that tells them if they’re “too old” for leather pants – and if they should choose something else. In the body-positive world we live in now, that type of wording and gatekeeping just doesn’t fly – especially in kink. Even the giant phrase on the back, “Spare the Rod, Spoil the Fun” would probably not fly today. It doesn’t make the rest of the book useless, but make sure you keep the timeframe in mind. (Some of these issues may have been fixed in the reissued 2008 copy which I do not own.)

It’s also very much a gender binary-focused book, though, with its timespan being before gender inclusivity had really hit the mainstream. Illustrations and bondage examples throughout the book are given on female-presenting bodies and male-presenting bodies.

Pretty meh on it – if you have zero interest in a femdom relationship and just want to learn how to add some kink to your life, this might be a good fit.

Fetish-Focused Femdom Advice Books

In no way, shape, or form do you or your wife HAVE to be into the kinks shown in the below books in order to be in a femdom relationship. In fact, just like everyone else out there, you’re your own person who may or may not like certain things – including these kinks.

However, if specific kinks ARE of interest, the books above might be too generic to find the information you’re looking for.

In that case, it helps to reference books that focus specifically on the fetish/kink you’re looking to explore – which is why I’m including these books, below, as a separate section.

Most of the below books are written for sub men and femdoms – written by femdoms. Too many generic, fetish-focused, how-to books entirely ignore the femdom population – or make sweeping statements about a woman’s “subservient” nature. (Ugh.)

If your wife is like me, she probably feels most comfortable being dominant in scenarios where she feels like she has the knowledge and information required to do the thing well. I can’t tell you how many scenes I’ve completely trashed because I was too nervous about sucking – so I was unable to relax. My partner probably would have been happy if I’d just shown up and masturbated.

Instead, I spent the whole time criticizing myself in my head, performing some semblance of “actions’ instead of being present, and then found myself disliking the experience after-the-fact.

I now realize that stress over being inexperienced at a skill is just a part of me (not my best trait, to be fair). To combat this, I like to have a good understanding of the kink or activity I’m going to be doing. Not only do I feel more competent, but I feel like I’m doing things “right” – so I’m better to relax into what’s going on and enjoy myself.

If you have a particular kink – and you think your wife may feel the same way about it as I do, these fetish-focused books can help introduce femdom to your wife for a specific activity.

Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders

Edited by Lucy Fairbourne
How-To Chastity for Women
93 Pages

This short book is truly one of the better introductions to male chastity. Not only is it a short book that touches on a lot of things about chastity without delving too deeply into any one specific topic (that you may or may not care about), but it’s very female-focused. (The first 1/4th of the book is actually entirely focused on why she would want to consider doing any sort of male chastity with him, what’s in it for her, how to help herself feel comfortable with it, etc.)

The second 1/4th of the book focuses on practical things – like what devices exist and what health concerns you need to know.

The third 1/4th focuses purely on fun ways to add eroticism to chastity once you’re both comfortable with the chastity aspect itself.

The last 1/4th includes troubleshooting – like if either the participants decide they aren’t into it or how this can impact your life outside of your sex life.

It’s really a fantastic compendium that feels like a really long, well-written blog post from woman-to-woman without going too far into fantasy-land.

It also focuses entirely on the chastity kink; no real mention of any other kinks or femdom, in general, is ever brought up. This can be great for the couple who really just wants to include chastity – and has no interest in other femdom at all.

Highly Recommend

Crossdressing

Edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel / Foreword by Veronica Vera
Erotica
202 pages

Do you know what’s likely to give your wife some added confidence? Understanding what you enjoy about any given activity. Knowing the “why” behind “the what” can really help you grow her confidence. It’s just like any hobby or skill-based activity; if you know why you’re doing that step in the process, you can better understand what’s going on – and make modifications in the future.

The same can be said for kink – which is why I can find (well-written, female-friendly!) erotica can be a great place to explore. This collection of crossdressing erotica stories isn’t too over-the-top and past the point of any sort of realism – which can be a large turn-off for a lot of female dominants starting off.

Instead, the collection is a curated selection of short stories. This leads to a nice collection in a crossdressing erotica book that can help her understand why you might be into cross-dressing – and what some of the underlying turn-ons are.

This book isn’t going to be my first recommendation to introduce femdom to your wife, but it can be an additional resource after you’ve confessed your interest in the kink.

Highly Recommend it – especially if she doesn’t understand the appeal of crossdressing and learns best by real-life, femdom erotica examples that don’t feel like spank-bank writing

My Husband Betty: Love, Sex, and Life with a Crossdresser

Written by Helen Boyd
Memoir of a Wife Living with Someone Who Crossdresses – Written for Someone Who is in a Committed Relationship with a Crossdresser
285 pages

I’m really, really reluctant to include this one. As my transgender partner pointed out after reading a couple of pages, “Ouch. This did not age well in the age of inclusive culture.”

And it didn’t. Really, at all. In fact, on the back of the book, the word “transvestite” is used. Published in 2003, it definitely shows its age (and how far inclusive culture has come since then, honestly) with the terminology and some of the very-binary ways that it views gender. I want to be totally upfront about that: this book is terribly un-inclusive, so I really went back and forth on including it.

That being said, it’s one of the few books I’ve ever read that’s an honest account of a wife’s discovery, anger, frustration, and acceptance of her husband’s crossdressing tendencies. Especially in a world of inclusion, it can be hard to find people who are honest about how angry or frustrated they are about their partner’s non-adherence to the “gender binary” that they expected when the two of them got together.

I remember reading through this book when I was having my own issues with a non-gender-conforming partner – and it felt like the book understood me when no one else really did. It wasn’t “okay” to complain or be angry about my partner’s self-identity. That was just being an asshole to them. It didn’t matter that I felt betrayed, upset, or angry at how much our relationship – and the way we relate – changed in an instant; the crossdresser was expressing themselves or being brave by accepting themselves, and I was an asshole to think otherwise. Even now, some of the reviews for “My Husband Betty” still focus on that dichotomy.

And reading through another chapter of the book right now, I can still see some of the problems with gendered language – or assumptions about people and gender – but I can still feel the value in the book – like when it talks about a woman’s anger over how her husband gets to enjoy the frilly, fun things – while getting to gloss over all of the realities of being a woman like assault, lower pay, subpar treatment, and more.

That being said, the book isn’t a giant negative fest. It’s a realistic portrayal of one wife’s journey through everything – and it includes a lot of acceptance, a lot of explanations behind the drive to crossdress, practicalities of sex and sexuality, and things like that. It didn’t age well, but it genuinely is a great resource for people who are in committed relationships with someone who has come out as a crossdresser and is feeling frustration about it.

Mostly Recommended – especially if she’s knee-deep with a crossdressing partner already and feeling a bit frustrated by things

Miss Vera’s Cross-Dress for Success

Written by Veronica Vera
Crossdressing How to For Men (Written Specifically for Crossdressers)
215 pages

I’d be cautious with this one. It just really isn’t a great way to introduce femdom to your wife.

While it does provide a lot of “how to crossdress” information – especially written towards crossdressing men, it also provides it with a LOT of horny overtones – and doesn’t stay strictly in the realm of cross-dressing either. (For example, mentions of adult diapers and Mommy play are often present in the book).

This is definitely not the first book I’d pick up on cross-dressing if you want to introduce crossdressing to your wife.

That being said, once you’re both a bit further into the crossdressing kink, this can be a pretty functional resource to pick up. How do you help your partner shave their beard for better make-up application? What do you need to know about wigs for crossdressers? What goes into selecting a “name” for someone? How do you help someone figure out their crossdresser personality? What about oral sex on dildos or receiving anal sex? What do you do if you’re out together and the crossdresser is being harassed?

The overtone of the entire book is very much a horny-crossdresser overtone; it seems like the author, Veronica Vera, runs some sort of program for helping crossdressers dress and fulfill their fantasies. The book feels like it was written for her target market, and the personal stories can seem overwhelmingly sexual often.

I’d think of this book more like a quick guide of helpful crossdressing tips for a crossdresser kink – that’s designed to advertise the author’s academy. If you see it that way, it makes a whole lot more sense.

Written in 2002, this book didn’t necessarily age well either. The word “tranny” is featured on pretty much every page. Just an FYI.

Approach with Caution – While it has some good info, it’s very focused on male arousal and feels like erotica meant for a crossdresser. Not a great introduction to crossdressing for when you introduce femdom to your wife.

Enough to Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation

Written by Princess Kali
How to Humiliate BDSM Book
197 pages

If you’ve ever attended a class with Princess Kali, you know she’s pretty much a walking and talking fountain of kink knowledge. This book is her culmination of knowledge on erotic humiliation.

I wouldn’t recommend this as a first guide to introduce femdom to your wife, but if she’s familiar with kink and knows you wants to be humiliated (and want to make sense of why and how), this is definitely a book I’d pick up.

I’d warn you that the topics included do not censor themselves for newbies to kink (so skip the chapters that might go beyond your comfort level, like body waste play!), but each chapter is self-contained, so you can pop into the ideas that interest you – and disregard the types of humiliation that don’t interest you (and pop back in someday in the future if that changes).

Just picking it up again for this article, I got absorbed in a few chapters. Princess Kali’s writing style is very blunt, to the point, realistic, and entertaining – all at once.

Humiliation topics touched on in this book include verbal play, foot fetishism, dehumanization, sex & masturbation, chastity, sissification and forced feminization, nudity, bodily functions, service and cleaning, punishment and protocol, public play, financial domination, and more. Each topic has its own chapter – which includes some of the basic ways people like to explore that type of humiliation, what would appeal to someone who has that humiliation kink, and specific kink ideas to play out.

The in-depth humiliation chapters don’t start until half-way through the book. The first part of the book is filled with everything you need to know about humiliation – like how to ensure it’s done consensually, what to do when things go wrong, what aftercare to include, and more. It really is the backbone for all of the specific subsets to come afterward, and it really makes a great primer if you’re brand-new to humiliation.

Highly recommend it – regardless of femdom inclinations, this has amazing info on humiliation.
Read my full Enough to Make You Blush book review

The Ultimate Guide to Bondage: Creating Intimacy through the Art of Restraint

Written by Mistress Couple
How To Bondage Book
291 Pages

This book is not designed for absolute beginners to the world of kink. If you’re barely discovering what bondage is while you introduce femdom to your wife, I wouldn’t pick this up.

That being said, if you’ve dipped your curious toes into the world of bondage a bit (enough to know that you like the idea of it!), Mistress Couple writes this book in a way that’s approachable – especially for women – with a mixture of really great information, no-horny-speak, and a playful approach to bondage in general. (Like an entire bondage tutorial about how to tie someone up with balloon-art balloons. It’s kinda awesome.)

Extra-helpful are the interspersed pictures (albeit, black and white) throughout the chapters of the book that will walk you through, step-by-step, how to do various ties included in this bondage book. The included pictures display a variety of bondage types – all with their clothes on – and do not look anything like stereotypical runway models. Male-presenting bottoms and wheelchair-using bottoms are also pictured in the tutorials.

Mistress Couple runs the whole gamut for bondage here – all the way from how-to-negotiate bondage, physical risks, mental risks, and consent to the how-tos of various types of bondage including Japanese rope bondage, Device bondage, Mental bondage, Objectification bondage, Costume bondage, Sensation bondage, Fetish bondage, Sensory deprivation, Physically-stressful bondage, and Self-bondage. You can easily pick and choose the categories to bookmark for your wife that interest you with its self-contained design.

At the end of the book are collections of essays from various authors about why they enjoy the type of bondage they do – and what appeals to them about it. (They’re actually semi-entertaining and not as dry as I’m making it sound).

The book pretty much tackles everything about bondage – from what it is, why you’d enjoy it, what cautions to have, what types there are, and how to do – all with writing and pictures that feel inclusive and very friendly to female dominant relationships.

Highly recommend. – If you’re most curious about bondage, this is the book to get.

Spanking for Lovers

Written by Janet W. Hardy
How to Spanking Book
167 pages (with some huge page margins)

A lot of spanking books are focused on male tops and female spanking recipients. This particular book, while it isn’t written for femdom relationships, is written to be inclusive to all gendered pairings – and with illustrations that include female spankers (and male recipients), it feels a lot more balanced.

Spanking tips also include things that would be applicable to a lot of femdom couples – like tips for over-the-knee spankings when the person receiving the spanking is much larger than the spanker.

If you or your partner are into spanking as an entire encapsulated activity, I’d definitely recommend this book. It’s all really good information.

While it won’t be as valuable for those who just enjoy a swat here or there, the info is still very solid. The book was specifically written for people who enjoy spanking as an entire scene/activity all to itself – which includes the types of things you need to know like where to hit safely, how to get your bottom to stay still, the different spanking toys out there, different types of common spanking fantasies and how to play them out, how to take care of a butt that may be bruised or bloody – and most importantly, the stages of a spanking scene, how to do a proper spanking warm-up, how to visually “read” the skin, and how to come down.

You’ll get the most value out of this if your wife (or you!) have an interest in spanking scenes – even if it’s just going to be a casual over-the-knee spanking for forgetting the dishes once in awhile. This might be an overload of information for you both if all you want to do is a couple of swats on the butt during intercourse.

Highly recommend it – mostly if you both are already kinky and into spanking. Isn’t really focused on femdom, but an ass is an ass, and the info is all good.

Manual Creation: Defining the Structure of an M/s Household

Written by Machele Kindle (Master Fire)
D/s / M/s BDSM Contract Inspiration book
219 pages

This is not a great book to introduce femdom to your wife for the first time – but it earns a place on this list because it focuses so heavily on the structure of setting up a M/s relationship. If you or your wife read 50 Shades of Grey and were really turned on by the idea of a BDSM contract, that’s essentially what this book walks you through.

Well, calling it a “Contract” might be a light way to put it. Pages 139-199 are entirely a verbatim copy of Master Fire’s own BDSM “Contract” – complete with places for her partner to sign. So, it’s more like crafting an entire BDSM manual.

Essentially, “Master Creation” walks you through Master Fire’s own BDSM manual/book for her own personal relationship. As noted, the latter half of the book is a verbatim copy of Master Fire’s own BDSM contract. The first 2/3rds of the book, however, are copies of her BDSM contract interspersed with leading questions for you to think about, background information about why Master Fire chose to write and include the things she did, and generally helpful advice to think about when writing a BDSM contract of your own.

If you love (or have a kink for!) having a written-out BDSM contract or super-structured, written guide for your domination, I really recommend Manual Creation. It’s a lot more realistic than a lot of the “horny” contract guides online.

However, it’s definitely a niche book, and if you aren’t into this type of contract creation, it may not be as helpful. (Though it’s still really nice to read through and get a very in-depth look at the realities of an M/s relationship like this!)

Recommended – only if you’re already kinky and started down the path of a full female led relationship – but want to figure out how to better structure your lives for the power exchange

Male Multiple Orgasm

Written by Somraj Pokras
Non-kinky book about multiple orgasm capabilities for those with penises
196 pages

This won’t introduce femdom to your wife, but if she’s going to be playing with someone who has a penis, she may want to experiment with orgasm control and orgasm play. If that’s the case, the “Male Multiple Orgasm” book has a lot of really good tips and tricks – and information about ejaculation responses and orgasm responses for those with penises.

Fair warning: the book is written to be approachable to a man in a heterosexual relationship who is “cumming too soon” and “wants to last longer to please her”. Make sure you keep that in mind (and are okay with it!) before picking it up.

If you’re okay with it, though, the book has a whole lot of really good tips for penis owners – especially in ways that most penis owners are never taught to approach their own pleasure and orgasms. (When’s the last time you heard advice telling a penis owner to “take deep breaths and connect with their inner sensations” while jerking off?) While it can get a bit spiritual/woo-woo/Tantric at times, a lot of the step-by-step exercises are really practical for exploring and extending sexual pleasure with someone with a penis.

Even if you don’t choose to explore some of the spiritual aspects of the book, a lot of the orgasm control, self-reflection, self-understanding, and pure penis/sexual knowledge within the book is totally worth it.

I think a lot of people will find the idea of nonejaculatory orgasms, just in itself, to be a really unique concept that is rarely touched on.

(If you play with someone who has a vagina, there’s an entire book on “Female Multiple Orgasms” as well. I just find that most people who have a penis are unaware that they can have multiple orgasms – so this book tends to be more of a treasured find than other gender identifications!)

Recommended: Especially if you’ve never thought about the idea of extended play beyond a single ejaculation, this can offer some good info. Written by men for men, but the tips can be learned and assigned by a femdom partner.

Updated: May 2023, March 2023, October 2022, September 2022, May 2022.

(Author’s note: A lot of information in this Introduce Femdom to Your Wife article uses gendered language that assumes the femdom is a “she” and the submissive is a “he”. In most cases, this was used to mimic the language used in the book I was referencing – and the majority of the tips within these books can be used within non-heterosexual, non-binary relationships.)