Everything You Need to Know about Using a BDSM Paddle

Welcome to my BDSM Advice series on the iconic BDSM paddle. Let’s walk through everything you need to know about kinky paddles, including how to use BDSM paddles, important safety info, and the pros/cons of the different types of sex paddles.

Why Would You Use Kinky Paddles?

A BDSM paddle’s primary purpose is for spanking. (No surprise, right?)

People love impact play for a variety of reasons. (“Impact play” is our fancy phrase to describe spanking someone for fun – whether that’s with a paddle, flogger, riding crop, or other kinky item.) Some love the naughtiness of being bent over. Others want to act out hot scenes and visuals they associate with spanking. Lots of people are into light spankings because all of those delicious sensations are so close to their favorite erogenous zones. Some people are simply into the pain of a well-taken spanking.

While spanking is all fun and games, you might be wondering why you don’t, simply, use your hands instead. After all, your hands are always there and don’t cost any money.

Remember how much a spanking can hurt the receiver’s butt? Turns out, that same amount of pain applies to the hand that is spanking that butt. Hitting two pieces of skin, repeatedly, against each other can be painful for both sides – only most of us don’t find the frictioned, burning pain in our hands all that sexy.

That’s where a BDSM paddle comes in! It allows the person giving the spanking to continue to give the spanking for as long as the receiver would like while simultaneously protecting their hands from any pain.

While bare-handed spankings are a kink to themselves, a lot of people also find the paddle itself to be hot. After all, it’s essentially a sex toy designed just for your pleasure. That “only made for sex” design can be a turn-on all by itself, and some people will find themselves aroused just by the sight of their partner holding a paddle. Talk about simple (and fun)!

Finally, kinky paddles aren’t just for spanking and impact play. Paddles can be used for other sensations too. Drag its surface along the skin to set your receiver’s skin on fire (in the best of ways!) Simply hold it in your hands as a threatening tool before sliding the handle inside someone like a dildo. (We’ll get to those options later!) For people who aren’t into the pain of spanking but find the idea of spankings hot, there are ways to incorporate a paddle without the slapping of pain.

How to Paddle in BDSM?

Using a paddle is honestly really simple. In terms of impact play toys, it’s, by far, the easiest spanking toy to wield. While I generally recommend some good time spent practicing if you’re going to be using a flogger or riding crop, a BDSM paddle feels intuitive in most people’s hands, and you can usually swat your partner seconds after picking it up.

That means how to use kinky paddles looks like:

• Pick up BDSM paddle.
• Spank person in safe spot.

Realistically, though, while using kinky paddles isn’t complicated, using them well IS. It requires good handling of the paddle, good scene pacing, and good communication with your bottom. That’s why I’d realistically recommend this comprehensive list of how to paddle in BDSM:

• Sit and try the paddle on your own thigh ahead of time. Tap lightly. Tap heavily. Understand how the force you use, on this very particular paddle, affects the resulting sensations. Repeat this process any time you pick up a new paddle.
• When you’re ready to play with your partner, give one very light swat on a safe spot on your partner.
• Ask them how it felt. This doesn’t have to feel clinical. Something disguised as dirty talk like “Oooh, did you like being my naughty girl/boy?” can work. If you both are just trying this out and are unsure if you’ll like it, though, you may want to be more upfront with something like “Was that okay? Too hard? Too soft?”
• If they liked that intensity, use the same force to spank them again. In general, watch their body language. Most people will press their being-spanked area closer to you if they desire more, and they’ll pull their body away if things are too painful.
• Continue that intensity for less than five minutes. At that point, give that paddle and that intensity a break, allowing your bottom some time to process the pain and allow the feel-good hormones to come in. While you’re waiting, some things you can do:
  • putting down the paddle to rub their butt
  • spanking different (but still safe!) areas
  • taking pauses for dirty talk when they won’t be distracted by the spanking
  • touching other erogenous zones (if negotiated as okay!)
  • swapping to other gentler toys like feathers, softer paddles, or fur to give the person’s pain tolerance a bit of a chance to reset.
• When you’re ready to restart spanking, continue at a lower intensity than you had previously been at. It’s never a good idea to surprise someone when coming back into the spanking. For good measure, this can be a good time to check back in verbally as well.
• Every time you add a bit more intensity, check back in verbally – especially as spanking is still new to the two of you.
• Add in breaks regularly, at least every 5 minutes. We want the endorphins to get flowing while avoiding overwhelming our bottom. Add dirty talk, oral sex, or anything else you want during those 5 minutes. We just want to give the body a bit of time to process all the sensations.
• Continue increasing and decreasing the intensity of the spanking until you both are ready to be done. If you don’t desire any bruising or marks, quit if you see little dots of red on the skin. Before the skin bleeds, a bottom’s skin will generally look like they have goosebumps, so keeping an eye out for piloerection (goosebumps’ official term!) in your spanking area can be a good starting point, regardless of skin tone. On pale/white skin, you can also look out for lots of redness or the start of skin discoloration from developing bruises.

When you’re done, don’t forget to clean (and sanitize, if applicable) your BDSM paddle too. Even if you don’t draw blood, skin still has oils on it that can negatively impact BDSM gear materials and eventually lead to a gross build-up too.

How to Use a Paddle Safely in BDSM?

Using a paddle safely in BDSM is all about location.

There are spots on the body that are unsafe to hit. The face, neck, spine, joints (like knees and elbows), and small body parts (like fingers and toes) are always a no-go. Direct impacts to any internal organs are also a no-go (like spanking directly onto the kidneys).

In general, the thicker and fattier the area, the safer it is to spank. Those squishier areas feel better to spank too, so it’s a win-win.

Autostraddle’s Guide to Safe Spanking Spots can be a great visual reference.

For the lowest risk possible, keep all of your spankings to the thighs and the meatiest parts of the butt. Luckily for us, this tends to be a sensitive, desirable zone for its proximity to everything between the thighs.

When playing around the butt and thighs, however, make sure you stay on the meatiest parts of the butt. Direct strikes to the kidneys (which reside right above the butt) can be very, very dangerous. Do a bit of an anatomy check to determine where your partner’s kidneys are (they’re above the hip bones and may slightly poke out from underneath the lower-most ribs), and avoid any swats to that area.

If you’re worried, this can be a great place for “pulled to the side” clothing to have a job. A thick denim skirt flipped upwards, towards the back, to expose the butt can help protect that area. If your partner needs to pull off their boxers to expose their skin for a spanking, “discard” their boxers on their lower back, giving you a visual reminder to ensure you don’t spank that zone.

Why Do BDSM Paddles Have Holes?

Some paddle manufacturers add holes throughout the surface of the BDSM paddle. Since the paddle now allows air to travel through its center (and isn’t just a flat board trying to push air around it), this allows for easier and faster handling.

Some bottoms say they can’t necessarily “tell” a difference between a paddle with holes and a paddle without holes in a kinky blind test.

Whether you choose a paddle with holes or a paddle without will mostly be personal preference.

There are a few things to note between the two though:

• A paddle with holes will be easier for the top to handle. Since it has less wind resistance, it takes less force to hit with it. This can be especially helpful for those who find swinging a regular paddle to be problematic or fatiguing for whatever reason.
• A paddle with holes is easier for the top to handle. This means your “usual” strike strength will need to be adjusted or else you risk causing pain you didn’t intend to. Make sure to test this one out on your own thighs to get a feel for the paddle. If you’re a top who likes to swing with your full strength to get into your role, a paddle with holes may be a poor fit.
• A paddle with holes has, well, holes. This can make it more difficult to clean. If any blood or bodily fluids get on the paddle, you need to clean within the holes too. For sanitization purposes, this can make it pretty difficult (if not impossible) to confidently sanitize.
• A paddle with holes has spots for the bottom’s skin to “go”. A paddle with holes will be more likely to cause marks on your bottom. Since the paddle’s surface isn’t flat, every hard thwack will cause the bottom’s skin to travel into these holes every-so-slightly. This can cause more wear and tear on the skin or cause the skin to abrade against the edges of these holes. Paddles with holes are more likely to cause marks, cuts, and blood – especially on fleshier, squishier bits, so play with extreme caution if marks are on the no-go list.
• Paddles with holes provide a different visual. If you’re not into the feel of these paddles but love the look, don’t forget about the magic of a mindfuck. You can easily purchase a paddle with holes and leave it out for your bottom to see. When you spank, however, just add a blindfold and swap over to the paddle without holes. Best of both worlds. ;)

Learn More about the Types of BDSM Paddles

Like pretty much any kink toy or activity out there, the kink community couldn’t just leave it with just one type of toy. Nope. Kinky people are crafty and love their different sensations, and kinky paddles are no exception. Different types of paddles have been crafted for different scenarios – and sensations – to ensure you always have the right “tool for the job”.

So let’s talk about the type of BDSM paddles with their pros and cons to give you an idea of what exists out there.

Faux Fur Paddles

This is where I recommend everyone start. A faux fur BDSM paddle offers all of the fun of paddling and spanking without all of the “ouch!”. You get the sensation, the sound, and activity of paddling but without a hard, firm material that feels like a painful slap across the ass.

If you had to compare it to a household object, I’d say that being spanked with a faux fur feels a bit like being spanked by a firm cardboard roll (like from paper towels or wrapping paper). You can feel the sensation, but it doesn’t leave that intense stinging that a “slap” does. (Faux fur paddles are much more durable than cardboard rolls, though, don’t worry!)

If I was allowed to use the term “household object” liberally, I’d say that the closest approximation is a sturdy poster shipping tube.

Your biggest downside of a BDSM faux fur paddle is that it’s made from faux fur. Faux fur can be particularly hard to take care of, and it can show “age” (via its matted surface) a lot faster than other paddle materials like wood. Faux fur paddles are also going to be a no-go for any sort of messy play that includes bodily fluids or blood. Not only is it going to be near-impossible to sanitize, but those types of messes can clump up the faux fur which is not the “sexy faux fur look” you’re going for!

Even if you turn into a pain slut who wants the most painful sensations possible, a faux fur paddle can still function as your warm-up paddle, serving you years down the line. I can honestly say I use my trusty faux fur paddles way more than my other specialized paddles. A faux fur paddle can be the introduction to any spanking, and most bottoms can take a lot of swats of them. The other paddles on this list need to be used more sparingly because they cause more “ouch”.

Pros
Softer sensations without much pain
Deliciously loud “thump” noise without accompanying pain
Surprisingly affordable
Workhorse paddles that can become the full scene or function as a warm-up option

Cons
Softer sensations without much pain
Can be impossible to clean/sanitize – especially from bodily fluids
Might not feel very “badass” to wield or photograph

Leather and Faux Leather Kinky Paddles

Your next stop after faux fur paddles will be leather (faux or otherwise) paddles. These paddles are your middle-of-the-road paddles that can go as hard (or as gentle) as you want them to. Use a faux leather paddle with force, and you’ll get a painful, stingy sensation. That same faux leather paddle can be used gently, and you’ll get a nice “tap” on the skin that feels a bit like spanking someone with a cereal box. It’s the best of both worlds!

Avoid the most budget-friendly options here. Some of the lowest-priced faux leather paddles lack a rigid internal core. They flop around all wiggly-like with every swat. Since faux leather paddles are one of the most common types of paddles out there, bottom-of-the-barrel manufacturers will skimp in order to sell them at the cheapest price point. While this can make it easier to get ahold of on a very limited budget, it also makes for a paddle that is harder to handle and will fall apart in just a few uses.

Middle of the line paddles (in the $20 to $40 range) will have the highest likelihood of a nice, sturdy design. This can make them easier to handle, aim, and predict the exact sensation you will cause your partner. All of that is vital when you’re giving a spanking!

It’s worth noting that high-end, REAL leather requires special care. Real leather was once the literal skin of an animal. While genuine leather can feel (and smell!) luxurious, it can be difficult to care for. Harsh disinfectants, unsurprisingly, are harsh on skin – living or otherwise – and lots of thorough sanitization of your real leather paddle can leave the material brittle and broken. As genuine leather paddles are so expensive, people who need to sanitize their gear often may prefer a different material type.

“Faux” or “Fake” leather is a manufactured, synthetic material, and it retains some of the “look” of genuine leather without the same care considerations. Many a faux leather BDSM paddle is also vegan, making it a good fit if that’s important for you.

Pros
Easy to find; most common type of paddle out there
Faux/Fake leather options can be vegan
Can feel extremely painful or gentle, depending on how it’s used
Can be a very affordable option
Available in a gigantic range of sizes/shapes because of its popularity

Cons
Lowest priced options may be hard to wield
Lowest priced options may be low quality and break down
Because this material makes up the majority of paddles out there, it can be hard to narrow down a good quality one
May be difficult/impossible to sanitize genuine leather without hurting the leather

Double-Sided Paddles

A “double-sided paddle” offers a different material on each side of the paddle. Most commonly, one side is fully covered in faux fur while the opposing side is a leather (faux or real) material.

This allows you to hop between the benefits of faux fur and leather within seconds! These paddles, alongside my full faux fur ones, tend to be the most used paddles in my entire toybox because they’re so versatile. It’s, essentially, two paddles in one!

While faux fur and faux leather tend to be the most common, any two different materials can make up a double-sided paddle. For example, a leather paddle may have a side with metal spikes and a flat, plain-leather side. For super nerdy kinksters, double-sided paddles, complete with “LEGO bricks” on only one side, can also be found.

Pros
Two different sensations in a single paddle with one purchase!
Easily swap between hard and soft sensations mid-swing
Great for people who don’t have a lot of space to store tons of toys
Fantastic for traveling where a heavy bag is undesired (hotel takeovers anyone?)

Cons
Each side requires its own dedicated care; using leather care products on the faux fur side may destroy the faux fur
Harder to find in the artisan community; most double-sided paddles are made by large manufacturers
May break down faster depending on how the two layers were fastened to one another
May not be suitable for play with lots of bodily fluids; a more-sensitive side may indirectly get stained even if you were primarily using a sturdier side

Silicone BDSM Paddles

A relatively new addition to the world of BDSM paddles, we have silicone paddles. These are paddles made out of the same type of body-safe, sterilizable material that some of your favorite sex toys are made from.

This, essentially, means that you can sanitize it entirely! Especially if you’re someone who tends to play hard (with lots of blood) or with multiple people, the ability to ensure your toys are perfectly clean between uses is huge. Most other materials don’t offer this.

However, because silicone feels like silicone, silicone paddles can really, really hurt. They can feel a bit like being spanked by a part of a rubber tire. This can be compounded by the fact that most of the silicone paddles on the market don’t have a plastic/metal core inside of them. This makes the paddle extremely flexible (note my photo that shows it easily bending back on itself). This flexibility allows the tip of the paddle to gain a lot of momentum with each swat for some serious pain potential.

We enjoy spanking, but we rarely pull out the silicone paddles unless we’re really into pain that day. For those of you who want the most painful spanking possible, though, silicone paddles will be your BFFs.

Pros
They fucking hurt. A lot.
Can be immaculately sanitized between uses.
They can handle (literally) any mess or fluid you throw at them.
Many have insertable/penetratable handles.

Cons
They fucking hurt. A lot.
Many are floppy and may require a bit of a learning curve to use.
May not be compatible with silicone-based lube if you’re spanking over an area that has been lubed for any reason.

	Temptasia Governess with Insertable Handle	Temptasia Ardor Dual-Sided
Mistress Kay’s Notes	The coolest thing about silicone paddles is that they can be sanitized. That means you can insert them places and fully clean them afterwards. ;) Take advantage of that fact with the Temptasia Governess paddle. The uniquely-curved handle makes it a bit harder for your Top to handle, but it also doubles as an insertable dildo. That’s worth a slight loss of easy handling.	Your silicone paddle doesn’t have to be plain ol’ black. The Temptasia Ardor features black lettering on a red background on one side with a plain, smooth opposing side. If you’re playing with silicone paddles to reduce disease transmission risk, you may want to skip this one as the “BITCH” lettering is raised, making it harder to sanitize.
	Get It Here	Get It Here

Wood BDSM Paddles

Wood paddles have the benefit of owning the “classic disciplinarian” roleplay look – and a lot of kinksters choose them just for that.

However, if you pick up a wood BDSM paddle, you have to be ready for quite a bit of pain. There is no softness to a slab of wood. It hits, and it hits heavy – even without much effort from the person wielding it. This can be a benefit for the wielder; it takes less physical force to elicit some intense reactions from the bottom.

As you could probably guess, though, wood paddles are made from natural wood. Because wood is known for having holes and splinters, most wood paddle crafters use coats of sealant on the wood. If that sealant gets scratched up, it can be impossible to sanitize all the cracked crevices of your wood paddle, requiring it to be fluid-bonded to whomever you’re using it with.

If you like supporting small businesses, you’ll find many kinky artisans craft paddles from wood or leather, so you may find yourself with these materials if you aren’t going for mass-produced kink gear.

Pros
Yeowch! Usually lands with a sting – even on the lighter swats
Very easy to wield; goes exactly where you expect it to go
Can be very environmentally-friendly and sustainable, depending on the crafter
Popular material choice for artisan BDSM crafters; wood can be easily personalized

Cons
May not be a good fit if you don’t like at least a bit of pain
May not be sanitizable if the wood isn’t entirely sealed

	Master Series Tread Boot Paddle	BDSM Gear Small Oak Paddle
Mistress Kay’s Notes	There’s nothing subtle about this one. It’s a (literal) rubber shoe sole that’s been adhered to a wooden paddle. One side of the paddle offers (ouchy) wooden sting while the rubber-soled side offers (ouchy) rubber spanking. There’s nothing “nice” about this one, but it makes a statement. That’s for damn sure.	Made in the USA by a kinky artisan, you have the BDSM Gear Small Oak Paddle. Solid and lightweight, this paddle travels fast – and leaves a very intense, stingy sensation anywhere it spanks. It’s straight to the point, perfect for any of your roleplay fantasies.
	Get It Here	Get It Here

Acrylic and Plastic Kinky Paddles

A relative newcomer to the world of paddles, acrylic paddles offer a lot of the same sensations as wooden paddles but in a lighter, see-through material. This can make for a fantastic, travel-friendly alternative for kinksters who love the stingy, painful sensations of wood but don’t want to weigh down their toybag on just paddles.

However, be careful when tossing that acrylic paddle into a busy toybag. Its plastic surface is sturdy, but it can be scratched, and scratches will be visible on its clear surface.

As an added bonus, just like a silicone BDSM paddle, acrylic paddles can be sanitized as well. +1 for people who like to go hard and might break skin!

As resin-based DIY crafts have exploded the past few years, there are a lot more acrylic, plastic, and resin BDSM paddles made by small, independent kink artists. While their quality can vary based on the crafter’s experience, acrylic paddles are becoming a common choice if you’re buying small.

Pros
Lighter to travel with than wood
Most acrylic can be sanitized after use – in seconds with the right wipes
Has a unique, modern look that other paddles don’t

Cons
Very stingy, pain-forward sensations
Can get scratched, and scratches will be very noticeable on its surface
Thin, cheap options can break or snap during a spanking

	Sportsheets Acrylic Spanker	“Yes Mistress” Paddle from Miss Mackenzie
Mistress Kay’s Notes	If “hard plastic” didn’t already sound painful enough, this Acrylic Spanker adds a holed texture to the entire paddle. This one is going to HURT.	Made from rigid plastic infused with silver sparkles, this artisan BDSM paddle is made by a single kinky person. A hole at the base gives you the option to add a hanging or wrist strap, and the black clipart woman adds a sultry flair.
	Get It Here	Get It Here

What BDSM Paddle is Best for Sharing?

If you’re a kinkster who regularly takes their toybag (with the same paddles) to play parties, some materials are better than others. You want a kinky paddle material that can be easily sanitized. As impact play can regularly draw blood, it is vital you don’t accidentally bring the blood of one partner to a completely-unexpecting partner the next time you play.

With that in mind, I’d recommend sticking to texture-free acrylic and silicone paddles. Both can be easily cleaned and sanitized. Acrylic can even be fully sanitized with industrial disinfectant wipes right after play, allowing you to use it again in 20 minutes on a completely different partner in the same night.

The big downside? Both of them tend to hit like a train. They both are stingy, pain-filled heavy-hitters.

With the low cost of faux fur paddles, if a softer touch is desired, I’d recommend picking up a unique faux fur paddle for each individual partner you have. Alternatively, if you have basic sewing skills, you could buy cheap faux fur from the craft store and sew it into a “sock” that will fit overtop of the spanking surface of one of your silicone/acrylic paddles. Swap out your “sock” for each individual partner. Everybody gets their own sock. (teehee) This will provide some of that softer touch without endangering your casual partners.

(Important note: Textured paddles add risk. If there’s anything on your BDSM that has hidden crevices or may make it harder to sanitize every centimeter of it, it carries additional risk. The safest options will have completely smooth, scratch-free surfaces free of any texture or crevices.)

Read Other BDSM Advice Series Articles

• BDSM Advice Series: How to Use Bondage Tape
• BDSM Advice Series: Everything You Need to Know about BDSM Gags
• BDSM Advice Series: Nipple Clamps
• BDSM Advice Series: Riding Crop for BDSM
• BDSM Advice Series: Safe Calls
• BDSM Advice Series: Safe Words
• All Femdom Advice
• All BDSM Advice

If you have questions, please feel free to send me an e-mail at the.mistress.kay@gmail.com . I’m always happy to help or recommend toys. :)

Updated: August 2026, July 2026, October 2025, April 2025, May 2024, November 2023.