Simply put, “mindfucks” put an extreme idea into a bottom’s head – but then the dominant does something that’s much less extreme. By using tricks and sensory deprivation, though, the bottom constantly expects and may still think it’s the “extreme” activity that’s happening. That’s mindfuck BDSM in a nutshell.
Mindfucks can be a form of fear play and the adrenaline that can course through the body really can really bring your play to a whole new level.
Mindfucks are a form of edgeplay, and they can be a minefield of emotional trauma waiting to happen. They should not be played with lightly.
Safety with Mindfucks in BDSM
The mind is a very powerful tool when it comes to BDSM. The trust that you receive from someone submitting to you is also just as powerful. Please remember that BDSM is not something to be abused – especially not when it comes to mindfuck BDSM.
You could (and people have!) write an entire book about BDSM mindfuck safety, but here are the basic things you need to know:
Be aware that playing with a BDSM Mindfuck is an edgeplay activity. You’re, intentionally, trying to deceive someone, and it usually involves withholding details. This can destroy trust, have unintended physical and mental consequences, and may have lasting trauma for your bottom. Do NOT take this lightly!
Have the broadest physical/mental understanding possible of your partner. Unexpectedly swapping something up means that your scene has the potential to trigger someone in ways you didn’t expect. This might be a mental trigger – or you might, genuinely, select an item or ingredient they have a physical allergy to.
Ensuring you know your play partner’s triggers, allergies, injuries, and fears is a must-have start to avoiding this; be aware that you’re always playing at a higher risk with mindfucks because the bottom doesn’t know the entirety of your scene. There’s just no way you can possibly know that the suggestion of a butter knife might dredge up a horrific experience in a school cafeteria that someone had when they were 11. That’s always the danger of playing with mindfucks.
Mindfucks are VERY dangerous to do with a partner you’re not familiar with. Play with this partner for months or years before you even attempt it. Physically, you could do permanent harm to them without knowing them well enough. Mentally, trust is a very, very valuable thing and to scare a newbie who doesn’t trust you may permanently scar them from getting back into BDSM. Remember: even if you’re a slight bit worried – don’t do it. A scene could turn violent if your bottom thinks you’re serious.
Effective mindfucks take advantage of intense emotional states. To do a mindfuck BDSM scene, we need to make the bottom believe something is happening that isn’t happening. This is easiest to do when we shut off the rational parts of the brain, and it’s easiest to shut those off when we take the brain into extreme emotions. Fear, arousal, and endorphins are all common extreme states that mindfucks use to be effective; make sure you’re aware of how to handle someone in those states.
Ensure you have consent. The nature of mindfucks means that a bottom can never fully consent to everything you’re doing. If they did, they’d know the magic behind the curtain, and it wouldn’t be much of a mindfuck. However, the bottom needs to consent to the most intense version of the thing you’re doing. If you’re going to make them think they’re being castrated, they need to consent to a castration. The reality might just be a few cuts with a butter knife, but to make it ethical, they need to consent to the furthest extreme that you’re planning.
NEVER renegotiate mid-scene. Because we play with intense emotional states, the brain is fuzzy. That means that negotiation mid-scene is very, very not okay. Endorphins, fear, arousal, and overwhelm make your bottom extremely susceptible during mindfuck BDSM scenes. Even if you get the coolest idea, ever, during mid-scene, do not renegotiate mid-scene.
Be ready for your receiving partner to use their safe word. If you’re playing with “extreme” ideas and they think they’re reality, it’s very possible that a reasonable person would safeword out instead of being drilled in half by a power saw. (From the below example) Be prepared for this.
I know you’re about to put some serious effort into a mindfuck scene, and I know it’s frustrating that it will come to a premature end because your partner can’t see the full picture, but it’s vitally, vitally important that you react to your partner’s safeword with compassion and understanding. Not only is this what builds trust in your relationship, but it also can help prevent a trauma response over the experience. Most bottoms don’t use their safeword lightly, and having a Top throw a pissy fit because of it can drastically impact their BDSM experience and safety down the line. (We NEVER want anyone to feel hesitation about using their safeword!)
I highly recommend spending some pre-scene time thinking about how you’ll react to their safeword and getting your brain into a space where “tossing all that work out the window” isn’t your first thought. It can be easy to react with frustration if you weren’t expecting a safeword, so make sure you start to prep your brain now.
When you play with extreme ideas and scenes, it’s just a good habit to get into.
Mindfuck BDSM Inspirational Ideas
Mindfucks are a magical space in kink. Not only do they require a serious level of creativity, but they also require a heroic level of pre-scene prep. The top needs to plan for multiple layers of potential outcomes while simultaneously trying to make a bottom think one thing is happening while reality is entirely different.
This can make them really cool to read about, witness, or do – even though a mindfuck BDSM is still very dangerous. Let’s give you some inspiration to get your mind turning.
Gentler Mindfuck BDSM Ideas
While all mindfucks can be dangerous, these options are easier for someone new to the kink, require less planning, and can be easier to obtain consent.
Using Toys They Aren’t Expecting
Looking for something a bit simpler? Turns out, you don’t have to go “balls to the wall” for your BDSM Mindfuck to still work.
In this case, the top is simply laying out an extra, threatening-looking toy. Allow the receiving partner to “see” and consent to the spread of toys that have been laid out for the scene, and leave them guessing about what items you’re going to use during the scene.
This can be a GREAT way to get some use out of that whip or ultra-freaky toy you bought on a whim but haven’t actually used.
The entire scene, the bottom will wonder when that scary, new sensation is coming. Little do they know that you have no intention of actually using that toy on them during the scene. Instead, you get to enjoy messing with them the entire scene. Your simple, additional whip that you laid out adds anticipation, fear, and arousal. It’s a win-win!
(Feel free to “talk up” that scary toy too. Things like “We’re going to try something new today…” can be surprisingly effective.)
You can do this with active submissive participation, too. Instead of laying out the toys yourself, give your submissive a list of toys to gather for an upcoming scene – and include weird/threatening (whatever vibe you’re going for!) items within the list. Why are they gathering exactly 15″ of tin foil? Who knows? Are they shopping on eBay to pick up an eye speculum to arrive for next week? Maybe.
Choose your vibe, send your submissive on a hunt to track it all down, and enjoy their confusion/terror/anticipation for your upcoming BDSM scene.
Mindfucks for Safer Knife Play Kinks
This is an approachable, fun one that most beginners can do at home.
This works best if knife play and cutting are already in their brain, so I recommend discussions and flirtation around knife play and cutting. Luckily for you, this can also be the negotiation to be extra-efficient. To have as much data as possible, find out what they find hottest about knife play, and plan to involve that within your scene.
Before the scene, leave a scary, sexy knife sitting out. Y’know, the type of knife someone would want to use during knife play. More teasing about how you’re going to use it can commence. Throw a metal butter knife in the freezer.
Midway through the scene, blindfold them, as if it’s entirely part of the scene and unrelated to the knife, then go back to playing. Spend awhile playing, so they forget that the blindfold was added recently. (The human brain is awfully good at being suspicious!) When you get a second, remove your second butter knife from the freezer.
Talk up your knife play even more, and finally tell them you’re going to do it. Instead of grabbing your scary, sexy knife, though, grab your cold butterknife that was recently in the freezer. Using the non-serrated end, drag the knife along sensitive flesh. The extremely frigid temperature will feel like slicing straight through skin – even though the back of your butter knife isn’t sharp.
For bonus points, have warmed blood capsules or liquid to squeeze behind the trail of the butter knife. Especially if they’re standing, this trailing, drying blood will really “sell” your knife play.
A butter knife at the throat will get the most resilient’s bottom’s heartbeat pounding – but make sure you obtained consent for this and be prepared for a safe word if you do.
Do NOT leave this butter knife in contact with the skin for long periods of time – including your own hand (you may need a glove). A la every Christmas movie ever, you CAN stick flesh to frozen metals. That’s why we wanted to pull the butter knife out a bit early (give it about 5 minutes to come to room temp). This lets it be frozen while reducing the risk of frostbite and freeze burns.
(I saw a version of this scene at a BDSM conference with a “no blood” rule. The dominant had used blood capsules, but they hadn’t cleared the scene with a Dungeon Monitor first, so a DM ended up stepping in to stop the entire scene when they saw all of the blood lines dripping down the bottom’s body. A friendly reminder to think through ALL aspects of your mindfuck BDSM scenes – including the DMs!)
To do this mindfuck BDSM, you’ll want to have consent for knife play, cutting of the skin, and potentially cutting of the neck.
Mindfuck BDSM Scene: Faux Threesome
Not all mindfuck BDSM scenes are deeply rooted in the world of pain. Mindfucks can be entirely pain-free – and actually pleasure “full”.
Making your partner believe there’s a third person in the bedroom during sex – even though there’s no one there! – would also count as a mindfuck. Instead of frozen knives, though, you get pleasure with lots of dildos and sex toys.
Start by talking up the threesome for weeks on end. Renting a hotel room can up the ante even more, and you can keep the realism going with faked phone calls and freshly-purchased, unknown sex toys.
When the moment comes, the bottom can be blindfolded and restrained to the bed, and unfamiliar sex toys (and the help of too many sensations and a stupid-horny brain!) can make it feel like there’s a third person in the room – especially when partnered by headphones that make it impossible to hear.
I walk you through how to do this, step-by-step, in my How to Fake a Threesome article.
You’d want to have consent for a threesome – and consent for whatever threesome activities you’re going to “do” with that “third person” present.
Don’t Get Specific
Being specific about how you’re going to play with your submissive and how it’s going to feel can be the perfect recipe for erotic anticipation.
We can also turn that upside down for mindfucks by simply just…not giving any details.
By choosing to withhold information, your submissive is going to fill in the blanks themselves. Realistically, they’ll probably think the activity is going to be much worse than you had even imagined. Have you ever had someone say: “We need to talk”? It’s that same feeling – only kinky!
Instead of being specific, just be vague. I’m talking about things like:
- “You’ve upset me. We’ll be scening tonight.”
- “Spend a half an hour stretching your full body before our scene tonight.”
- “Make sure you wear a turtleneck sweater that covers your neck for leaving the dungeon tonight.”
- “I expect you to bring your tallest pair of heels this weekend.”
- “I saw what you did. Come home from work expecting your punishment.”
Even something as simple as “I’ve had a fantasy consuming my thoughts all day, and you’ll be helping me fulfill it tonight.” can even be effective.
As I suggested in other points, you can also lay out false clues around your home or play space in the form of BDSM gear, sex toys, notes, or even “accidentally left open” website tabs.
Especially for bottoms with anxiety, this type of mindfuck may not be a good idea. Ensure you know that your receiver will still be able to trust you and function throughout their day before trying some of the negative suggestions above.
Mindfuck BDSM Scene with Cupcakes
A submissive was attempting to cut sugar out of her life, but she found that she was really, really struggling. She was eating a treat a day (from well-intending coworkers and her own purchases), and she asked a trusted dominant for help.
The dominant who agreed to help, came up with a plan: the dominant’s kinky professional baker friend baked a six pack of cupcakes every week. Five of them were amazingly delicious (like a cupcake should be!), and the sixth was filled with the submissive’s least-favorite flavor. All of the cupcakes looked exactly alike.
The agreement is that the submissive would get no other sugar that day except the chance at one cupcake when she would select one of the six cupcakes if she wanted. She could choose not to eat a cupcake any day she chose, but if she ate one of the gross cupcakes, she had to fully finish it.
Since all of the cupcakes looked exactly the same, she had no idea if she’d get the gross one if she wanted to eat a cupcake.
On the first day, it was usually an easy choice: a 1-in-6 chance of a gross cupcake. As the odds became less in her favor, though, she ended up turning down the cupcakes more-and-more often.
In the end, she ended up eating less cupcakes, and she became much more comfortable with throwing away or turning down treats that were handed to her.
Since the bottom was fully aware and consented to every aspect, no additional consent was needed here.
Shown Off at a Party
If you have access to a play party or hotel takeover, you can use it to your advantage to make a mindfuck BDSM come to life.
Get your partner’s consent to be blindfolded and lead around. To add more anticipation and believability to whatever you plan next, I encourage you to require them to dress up in their sexiest attire.
Spend a long time leading them around the play space – at least 30 minutes. At a certain point, they will become disoriented, and they will have no idea where, exactly, they’re at. They’ll start to rely on their sense of hearing even more.
Once this happens, you’re in a great place to start putting ideas in their head. That laughter they’re hearing? It’s about them. You hear someone masturbating? They’re looking right at your submissive, and you can tell them that. That hand they just felt on their ass? Well, your partner has to listen as you verbally chide a “stranger” for daring to touch your property.
With your partner so disoriented and without sight, you can begin to set out your own idea for what “reality” is – and that can follow whatever ideas you both would find hot.
To up the intensity, if it’s safe to do so, pack of a pair of earplugs, and add them into the scene when desired. While you’ll no longer be able to communicate with them, you can lead them into different areas (like the quietness of your hotel room for more personal or extreme play) without their awareness of being taken out of the playspace.
Extreme Mindfuck BDSM Ideas
These mindfucks utilize more complicated scenarios, have the potential for large breaches of trust, and may be based heavily on torture or fear. Do not attempt these without absolute trust in your partner, experience in mindfucks, and large amounts of consent.
Kinky Branding – But Not
There was a Dominant who had a submissive that really wanted to be branded.
He assumed she was in a bit of a kink frenzy, wanting to try all of the new things, so he hatched a plan and agreed to “brand” her.
He had her bent over something and tied down, and he brought out a branding iron. He made a big show of doing all of the sterilization procedures and pre-branding prep that she expected as he messed around with the fire he planned on using to heat the brand.
Once ready, she was blindfolded. What she couldn’t see was that he had placed a second brand in a bucket of ice cubes. All the while, her skin was being nicely warmed by the intentionally-placed fire source that would leave her skin feeling warmer than normal for an even-bigger temperature change.
He built up the scene, even more, with lots of talk about what he was about to do. Finally, he pressed the cold brand onto her. She screamed like it was fire, but the ice didn’t instantly burn her flesh as a fire brand would.
You would want to obtain someone’s consent to be branded – and ensure they wouldn’t genuinely be disappointed if they didn’t have the lasting “brand” afterward. This may involve doing two scenes where the person is “actually” branded the second time around if the mark they were requesting was important to them (like a tattoo).
(Do be aware that you can brand someone with ice – even accidentally. Extreme temperatures – including cold – can leave lasting marks and burns on the skin. “Cool branding” and “ice branding” are actually another type of kink activity that exists as an alternative to fire branding.)
Mindfucking with Castration
This is straight out of the movie Hard Candy. It’s possible to clamp off the testicles and ice them down to a point where the owner will not be able to feel them anymore. Think of how your leg feels when it’s gone too far asleep from sitting on the toilet. You haven’t done permanent damage (yet!), but you also can’t feel your stupid leg.
Use this to your advantage with a castration scene. Set your “scene” with knives, medical equipment, and sterilization equipment. Think “medfet”. Get the fear going. Draw it out by prepping the scene and teasing them as much as possible. After all, if you were going to castrate them, it’d be a once-in-a-lifetime thing, right?
When you’re ready, ice down the penis and testicles with cold ice. We’re not going for frostbite – but you do want them to be pretty cold. Keep an eye out for signs and symptoms of frostbite because this is not an area you want to play around with that in.
Once the penis and testicles feel uncomfortably “frozen”, you’ll want to use the back of a warm (NOT HOT; test it on your own skin first!) butter knife to draw firm lines around your castration area. Pretend you’re using a scalpel – only it’s just a butter knife, and they don’t know that.
The extreme temperature difference will feel painfully intense; expect them to jump around. You could do unintended cuts and damage (or plain ol’ ball tapping) by having the butter knife in the wrong place when they jolt.
Prep additional warmed knives to swap out tools if you want to re-up the intensity mid-scene. Expect your knife to cool as you go.
People wanting to go the extra mile will have warmed blood capsules or liquid to drizzle along the skin as the butter knife glides along. This will really feel like blood – especially when it pools around the ass.
I do NOT recommend this unless you’re very experienced (I’ve never attempted it myself) because cold is a very hard-to-control variable. You could do permanent damage to the penis and testicles with too much ice or blood flow restriction.
This BDSM mindfuck would be great for someone who has a castration kink because you really do need to obtain consent for castration. That will probably be a hard sell to most.
Mindfuck BDSM Scene with a Power Saw
At the beginning of a scene, a sub was tied up, bent over a spanking horse for an impact play scene when her well-known, sadistic Dominant started joking around with another Dominant about whether he had that power drill in the back of his car. Turns out, he did. They asked her if she’d agree to be spanked with a power drill, and she hesitantly agreed.
They blindfolded the submissive, plugged in the drill, and gave it a couple of boosts of power, she could hear it. She starts freaking out because, well, it’s a power drill.
At this point, they did stop because she was genuinely freaking out, and they respected that (and all had a good laugh about it once she calmed down).
But if you wanted to do something like this, safely-made hand-held fucking machines could easily pass as a powerdrill. You would place a power drill within your bottom’s sight when they come over for the scene. While they’re blindfolded and tied up, mid-scene, tell them you want to do something new. Plug in your “real” power drill, and give it a couple revs. Then pull out the fucking machine, and use that instead. Chilling the dildo ahead of time could give the sensations an icy edge that might feel more like construction equipment instead of your standard silicone dildos.
For this scene, you’d want to have negotiated penetration ahead of time. They just probably weren’t expecting to be fucked with a power drill.
Tips for Bringing BDSM Mindfucks to Life
The brain is an important part of who we are and how well feel about each other, and I can’t stress that enough. Mindfucks can be a blast, but they can also do lasting emotional damage if they’re not done correctly.
There’s a reason that a lot of people consider mindfucks to be a type of edgeplay; it can be very, very mentally dangerous. If done very incorrectly, it can be relationship-ending.
As a list of general tips to get started, I’d recommend:
- HAVE YOUR PARTNER’S TRUST AND VALUE IT! Mindfucks without trust and value are often simply abuse. I seriously can not stress that enough. The reason mindfucks “work” is because the person you’re playing with trusts you and your direction of the scene.
- Have your partner’s consent as best as possible. Mindfucks work because the bottom doesn’t know all the details of the situation, so full, comprehensive consent isn’t technically possible. However, they should still be aware and consenting to as much as possible. In our above mindfuck BDSM examples, many times, the receiver consents to something even more extreme than the activity that actually occurs which can be a good way to ensure you’ve obtained consent.
- Physical safety is also important. Think about how this person will react, physically, if they think the mindfuck is “real”. Will they have a panic attack? Will they try to jump away? Make sure to plan for those scenarios.
- Start with “lighter” and “easier” mindfucks for awhile. You don’t need to jump into the elaborate, difficult scenes right away.
- Think about what the bottom would think if they found out they were lied to. If they’d feel hurt or betrayed, it’s probably not a mindfuck – just cruel or abusive. If they’d go “What?! Really!? That’s so cool!”, you’re probably in the “correct” territory for mindfucks.
- Be ready for your receiving partner to use their safeword. Read more in the “Safety Concerns with Mindfuck BDSM” above, but I want to reiterate it here for importance.
- Take anything you think would be fun and just brainstorm safer ways to manage to do it. This can let you enjoy all of the “benefits” of dangerous play while drastically reducing the risks. That’s part of the fun of mindfuck scenes!
- Blindfolds and restraints make a mindfuck better. There is so much more you can do (like swapping out tools) when your bottom can’t see or move.
- Communication can bring your scene to life. Talk to the person. Tell them how the blade feels. Let them know that you’re fanning the fire. Describe what the blade looks like. Most bottoms love details, and this is no different. Unless you overdo it, talking can help the bottom’s brain “fill in the blanks” with their own “worst case scenario” details, making your mindfuck even more effective.
If possible, try to find someone local in your community for mentorship before undertaking mindfucks.
Originally Published: January 15, 2010.
Updated: April 2024, February 2024, January 2024, August 2023, July 2023.
