BDSM Hotel Takeover: Everything You Need to Know

Looking for a new way to add kink into your life? Love learning new BDSM things – or simply want to show off for large crowds of people? Maybe you simply want to escape the humdrum of everyday life and escape into an alternate universe filled with kinky fun? If any of those apply to you, let me introduce you to a BDSM hotel takeover.

What is a BDSM Hotel Takeover?

Exactly what the name implies, a BDSM Hotel Takeover is when a group of kinky people “take over” an entire hotel (or area of a hotel) for an event that usually lasts at least a few days.

The exact set-up of your kink hotel takeover will vary on the group and the size of the hotel. In some instances, the entire hotel is “overrun” with kinky people – and all of the public spaces of the hotel will be fair game for kinky outfits, collars, leashes, and more. (For food safety, even these spaces usually require clothing in the bars and restaurants.)

In other set-ups, the group only “takes over” a specific area/wing of the hotel. When you’re in that area/wing, you’re allowed to go hogwild, but when you’re in the “normal” parts of the hotel, you’ll need to be vanilla.

Most kink hotel takeovers take place over a weekend – usually Thursday/Friday to Sunday. A few kink hotel takeovers have a week-long period or intentionally place themselves on a holiday weekend in order to run an extra day.

A BDSM Hotel Takeover usually runs from early in the morning until after midnight each night. The daylight hours are packed full of kink classes on various topics, presented by educators who were specifically brought in to teach. During the evening, the play parties begin, and all of those same people you were learning with all day will now transform into well-dressed kinksters who are taking advantage of all of the amazing bondage equipment available to play on.

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What Makes a BDSM Hotel Takeover Different?

If you’re going to compare a BDSM hotel takeover to a standard play party or local class, a BDSM hotel takeover stands out because:

• It goes for multiple days at once.
• If you choose to take advantage of it, you can be in a kink-only oasis for an entire weekend. You don’t have to even pretend to be vanilla for days.
• You can shop in a vendor market (or the silent auction!) from other kinky craftspeople to expand your toy collection.
• The people you’ll encounter are a much, much larger pool of people. This can be especially helpful if you like to do pick-up play with a niche kink.
• You can learn from national (or international) kink presenters on topics that your local community may not have experts on.
• You can learn fresh perspectives. Sometimes the constant back-and-forth confirmation of a local group can make it harder to understand outside perspectives.
• If your day-to-day life makes it impossible to spend days within your dynamic’s roles, having the freedom away from everyday life, responsibilities, and childcare can be a vacation to itself.
• You can see how a wider group of people practices kink. If you’re familiar with your local group, you probably already know what to expect out of Tom and Jessi when they play; here you can see new options.
• You may be able to meet up – or arrange – a private class with a presenter whose skills you’ve admired online.
• If specific kinks/activities are illegal in your local area, traveling outside of your area may allow you to learn about them in a place where they’re legal.
• You just simply will have more options! They’ll likely be multiple class tracks and multiple play parties going on at the same time; you can always choose what works best for you!

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Is a Kink Hotel Takeover Good for Introverts?

Welcome, fellow introvert! I, too, am drained by large crowds of people. (A writer on the internet? An introvert? Who’d have guessed?)

I actually prefer kink hotel takeovers for this reason.

With your local group, you show up to an event, and it probably has 5-40 people. With a group that small, it’s so much easier to feel the need to really show up and participate. After all, if half of a group that small chose to be wallflowers, the event would be pretty weird.

That isn’t really the case at a BDSM hotel takeover. Instead, you’re at an event with 300 to 1000+ people. The scheduling of this event means that people are milling about and coming and going pretty much constantly. With 4-5 play parties or classes going on at any given time, there just isn’t a set “place” you ever really have to be.

This means you can also “mill around” and talk to no one – or you can easily leave the event, take a nap and recharge in your hotel room – and come back.

I especially love how easy this is to do during the evening play parties at kink hotel takeovers. At most stand-alone play parties at your local space, there’s this expectation that you arrive and stay until you’re done for the night. This makes sense; logistically, letting people back in and out would be hard on the staff and bring attention to the private location.

That isn’t the case with a kink hotel takeover. Hotels are known for in-and-out. You can easily attend the first hour of a play party, have a great scene, take a nap back in your hotel room (or aftercare privately), change into your comfy pajamas – and then come back to sleepily watch scenes and absorb the sex-positive energy at the play parties until you want to head back up. (I may or may not do this a lot.)

Since most kink hotel takeovers also have more space available, there usually are multiple “types” of play parties going on. There may be a play party specifically with no music or fully lit rooms for more precise/dangerous play. (like a needle play room!) There may even be a play party with open areas for dancing and flow toys for those who like to escape into music.

All of this comes together to make it a great fit for introverts, in my opinion. You can come and go as you need, there’s less “pressure” on you as an individual to be social, and you can kinda poke your head into whatever catches your fancy.

However, as an introvert, I also find that these benefits can make it hard to really feel like I’m “fitting in” or really getting to know anyone. If that’s the case for you, I recommend my favorite trick: volunteering.

Volunteer to do a task with the hosting group. With an event this big, groups are almost always looking for volunteers. You can help them with setting up or taking down bondage equipment, ensuring vanills aren’t allowed into the event, running errands that the leaders need done, monitoring the dungeon, and more.

I find that this introduces me to a ton of different people, and I end up talking to them “in an official capacity” (alleviating the social drain, for me) during my duty. Then, as the rest of the event progresses when I’m outside of “volunteer time”, these people recognize me, and they’ll come over to chat. Since I know them a bit, it’s less awkward than a full stranger-on-stranger conversation, and I end up knowing a few faces by the end of the weekend!

Rinse and repeat if you have a great time. Next year, you end up with a small group of people you look forward to seeing. It’s a win-win!

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What Am I Looking At, Cost-Wise?

The exact cost of your BDSM Hotel Takeover will vary based on the area you’re in, how long you stay, whether you split the cost with friends, if you have to park, if you have to fly, and how expensive of a hotel the event is being held at. In general, despite the cost savings of a budget hotel, you want the group to have chosen a good hotel; remember: all of your kinky activities will be taking place in that hotel’s spaces!

There are usually two specific fees for a BDSM hotel takeover event: the fee for the event and the room reservation fee.

The fee for the event is non-negotiable if you want to go. You have to pay admission to a BDSM hotel takeover – like any other event. This fee provides the finances the group needs to buy new equipment, provide snacks, provide safer sex equipment, compensate the presenters, and more. Almost every kink group putting on these events is barely breaking even, so I promise, they aren’t trying to fleece you here; it’s just expensive to rent out an entire hotel and fill it with the entertainment and supplies you want to enjoy yourselves! (Have you ever bought gallons of lube?)

You can expect the fee for the event to vary from $125 to $300 depending on what area of the country you’re in and what is provided. It’s possible for the fee to go over $300 – especially if multiple meals are provided or you’re looking at a convention longer than 3 or 4 days.

Separate from that fee is the hotel registration. In most cases, you’ll pay the hotel directly, just like a standard reservation. Many BDSM hotel takeovers have negotiated a group rate that’s cheaper than the usual rate – just like any other conference you’ve traveled for. (If you’re an anime or comic nerd, you’re very familiar with this set up)!

The cost of your hotel can vary widely. I’ve gone to kink conferences where it was $99 a night – and I’ve been to BDSM conferences where it was $249 a night. (I think $249 might be my highest, though!). It all depends on the rate that the group was able to negotiate – and how nice the hotel is in the first place. After all, remember: the hotel is agreeing to make a lot of special exceptions and close off areas in exchange for the promise of a sold-out weekend.

In order to ensure the hotel doesn’t fill up with a bunch of people staying 1 night in the middle of BDSM hotel takeover, most groups will require a 2-night or 3-night stay if you want to be at the host hotel. This varies based on the event you’re attending.

If you’re going to a kink hotel takeover, ensure you book your hotel early! There are only so many hotel rooms to go around, and hotel rooms almost always sell out. Depending on your convention vs the available hotel rooms, they might be sold out within a half-an-hour of the tickets being released for the event. They’re a hot commodity!

All-in-all, if you travel solo and get a room at the host hotel, you may be looking at $600 to $1,500 if you drive in. You can help make this cheaper by splitting a room with a friend, staying a shorter timeframe at the host hotel, or simply staying off-site entirely if you can find an alternative housing arrangement that’s cheaper.

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Should I Stay at the Host Hotel?

Honestly, the magic of a BDSM hotel takeover is the “takeover” aspect. It’s honestly like being teleported into a magical, sex-positive universe where everyone supports you and who you choose to be.

It’s, honestly, a magical environment.

Because of this, I really recommend staying at the host hotel if finances allow. This might involve splitting a room with someone staying at the host hotel to make it work.

If it’s a matter of trying to skim costs as best as possible, here are some things that may make it mentally “worth” the extra cash compared to alternative lodgings:

• You don’t have to find a place to park every day.
• You have a “home base” to crash at during the day. If not, you’ll have nowhere to freshen up from your 8AM to 3AM (yes, you read that right) days without driving back to your other hotel.
• You’ll need to lug all of the items you need with you every day of the event. If you’re staying sun up to the party’s end, this involves all of your costumes/outfits/toys.
• You’ll have a space for naps.
• You’ll have a space to change costumes/outfits.
• You’ll have an easy-access hotel room to bring back any potential play partners for private play instead of playing in the dungeon.
• Depending on the hotel takeover set-up, you won’t have to wear/pack an interim “vanilla” outfit when going to attend the event. You’ll just walk out of your hotel room exactly how you want to be!
• You’ll have easy access to a way to cook/make food to save money without leaving the hotel.
• You’ll be supporting the event. As host hotel rooms almost always entirely sell out, this may not be a consideration point for you, but the event hosts usually need to “pay for” every room in the hotel takeover – even if they don’t get filled with an attendee, so if they don’t sell out, you might not see this event around for much longer.

Part of the magic of a BDSM hotel takeover is being able to escape from the “real” universe we live in where dressing like a dog or chastity slave is a no-go. You really get the best version of that by staying in the host hotel.

It’s really the most immersive.

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What Is the Expected Behavior?

If you attend a kink hotel takeover, a lot of the “general” rules are the same as with your local kink events:

• Thoroughly read the rules before registering. Read them again close to the event and again when you arrive. Follow them. Every event is unique, so even if you’ve been to another kink convention, this one may have different rules. Especially if you enjoy sexual play, pay special attention to the rules. Just like play parties, penetration may not be on the table, so your love dolls may need to stay at home (or in the hotel room)!
• Keep the kink to the specific kink-friendly areas. Ensure you’re dressed for your grandmother when you leave any kink-dedicated space.
• This means all kink. If it isn’t appropriate in the middle of a mall filled with kids, it’s not appropriate for the public hotel lobby. No collars, leashes, pet play, sitting on the floor out of nowhere, sexual chat, and more.
• Monitor your volume. A heavy spanking scene – or a conversation about your chastity sub’s orgasm schedule – shouldn’t be happening anywhere near where a vanilla person might hear. Black curtains do great at blocking out visuals – not so great at the sound. So if you’re near the hotel lobby or having a smoke outside, ensure your conversation stays vanilla-appropriate.
• Dressing “Vanilla” doesn’t mean “not illegal”. “Vanilla” doesn’t mean covering the peen, vulva, and nips and calling it a day to walk into the lobby. It means dressing in a way that your grandmother would approve of. Make it a game to be as discreet and non-descript as possible coming and going from the location, and you’ll be doing well.
• Remember that hotel staff is still hotel staff – and NOT kinky. A bunch of kinky people are great at doing kinky things – but probably not keeping an entire hotel up and running. This means most hotels that host kink conventions have a skeleton crew of employees who agree to sign an NDA and continue to work the event. Treat them with serious respect – and leave tips. Keep weird, kink things to a minimum when hotel staff is around. We want them to think we’re way better to host than the boring work conferences they typically host.
• Keep your hotel room (and the event space) looking good. Clean up your water cups. Ensure you carry around a towel for your butt if you’re going to be sitting bare-ass on things. Don’t do weird shit with the chairs that might break them. Accidents happen (and in-a-hurry-me has probably left a water cup sitting on a table for someone else to clean up), but make it your intention to take care of a space, and those accidents will be fewer and far between.
• Obey the rules (and locations) for play. If blood play or omorashi is off the menu, it’s off the menu. If needle play or wax play needs to be done in a certain room, make sure you do it there. If other kinks need DM clearance to avoid harming the hotel’s space, make sure you let someone know. Some BDSM hotel takeovers will let you play anywhere within the hotel itself; make sure you don’t hurt the furniture, carpet, or walls. Puppy pads (or medical “chucks”) can be a godsend here.
• Keep your identification/badge on you at all times. Make it clear and easy to see unless you’re mid-scene – and it should be laid out and easily visible near your gear during scenes. This helps staff and security easily do their job in keeping out people who shouldn’t be there. Don’t make it difficult on them; they have to scan thousands of badges.
• Hide your identification/badge when you’re not in the event. A bunch of people walking around wearing name badges always will catch attention. Help protect the privacy and safety of the event by hiding your badge as soon as you’re outside of the event space.
• The cell phone must be left in a pocket or purse. No part of it should be visible in the slightest. Most events prefer you leave it back in the hotel room, honestly, but most understand the need to keep it on you in case of home/work/childcare emergencies. Only look at it in the vanilla-appropriate spaces or a dedicated cell phone room. (A lot of people will also take time in their bathroom stall during pee breaks to do a quick phone check too.)

Breaking these rules makes you look bad and might get you banned.

But more importantly, it makes it harder for the kink hotel takeover to continue. Hotel chains don’t want to be known as “the place with the sex thing”, so if enough people act strangely in a way that makes them look bad, they’re going to refuse to host it.

Then bye-bye conference.

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How Do I Eat?

Luckily for all of us, almost all hotels have in-hotel restaurants, and most of the time, the restaurants are actually open. It’s usually with a limited menu and hours to reflect the skelaton staff, but hotels like making more money if they can. If you’re at an ultra-fancy option, they might even have multiple restaurants.

However, it’s no secret that hotel restaurants are expensive – and if you’re being budget-conscious, this is probably a no-go.

I have friends who like to pack a separate suitcase full of food and on-the-go appliances and simply cook simple and cheap food in their hotel room. Honestly, there are much better articles out there than I can make about what meals you can make in hotel rooms. While you probably can’t bring a microwave, you may have one in your room – and a lot of meals can be made with a kettle of boiling water too (which you can bring!)

Especially if you love eating at new places, you may also choose to leave the host hotel for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If you’re in a big city downtown, this may simply involve walking out the front door.

As very few conferences can afford the room cost of a downtown location, though, this probably involves getting into your car, driving somewhere, and driving back to the hotel. Especially in urban areas, this drive time can really add up, so it’s only an option when you know you have a few hours to kill before the next activity you want to attend.

You can also make friends with some foodies. I have other friends who will simply give their foodie friend some cash and ask them to bring back a to-go food on their way back in. You’re at the whim of whatever the foodie friend is choosing to eat, though.

Most BDSM hotel takeovers allow you to get food delivered via a food delivery service. As the hotel’s lobby must always be public-appropriate, the delivery driver can deliver to the lobby. Ensure you’re entirely public-appropriate before you go pick it up, though and know that your meal won’t show up at your door.

For us, we try to strike a balance. My submissive is a foodie, so we’ll usually agree to go out to lunch most days at a restaurant he wants to try. Dinner is a toss-up between hotel options and delivery because we want to optimize our time to get ready for the evening’s play parties. On occasion, if all of the late afternoon’s classes don’t appeal to us, we’ll simply do an early dinner at a local restaurant while still maintaining the time to come back and get ready.

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What Do I Pack for a Kink Hotel Takeover?

My standard packing list generally looks like this:

Clothing:

• Comfortable – but kink-friendly – clothing for daytime classes (this is the time to wear my kinky t-shirts!)
• All-out outfits for dungeon play parties
• Lazy outfits for dungeon play parties
• “Vanilla”/normal clothing for driving there, driving back, and any restaurant outings I want
• Any shoes I need including a pair of boring, comfortable shoes in case I hurt my feet with heels
• A coat/cover-up if I need to be discreet to get to the space
• Hangers if your outfits require being hung in a specific way in the hotel room
• Wristwatch (as cell phones aren’t allowed, this can be one of your ways to tell the time. I make so many friends purely by being the only person in the room with a watch.)
• Personal care items (deodorant, contacts, eyeglasses, make-up, hair stuff, etc.)

Play Items:

• Toys I need for scenes I already have planned
• Toys I would use for general pick-up play if I met someone
• Chargers for any toys that are rechargeable; it’s easy to blow through an hour-long battery life in a whole weekend
• Safer sex items
• Anything I want to pleasure myself if I want to orgasm in the hotel room
• Aftercare supplies like blankets or snacks
• Storage methods I need to discreetly transport awkwardly-shaped toys like riding crops, custom sexdolls, or canes

Other Supplies:

• Cash and credit cards – there are usually vendors and silent auctions.
• Resealable water bottles – most places provide water and regular cups, but it’s much easier to stay hydrated toting a bottle around.
• Analog ways to take notes – no cell phones here. You’ll want paper and pen/pencils.
• Snacks – you’ll probably get a bit peckish between meals as you’ll be moving a lot more than usual. Leaving the hotel just to grab a snack is annoying. Make sure you have some.
• Any first aid/emergency items you need – do you have a health condition that requires something in an emergency? Does your body tend to react a certain way to play?
• Analog ways to take note – I’m reiterating this one here. Even if you don’t take notes for classes (I usually don’t), remember that you won’t have a cell phone. If you meet an awesome person and try to exchange Fetlife names to friend each other, you’ll be entirely relying on your memory. Don’t do that to yourself. Pack a tiny notebook and pencil at a minimum.
• Anything you need to sit through classes. Do you need a fidget toy? What helps you best focus when sitting and learning for hours at a time?
• Anything you need to be comfortable in play parties. Do you need ear plugs? Do sunglasses help you deal with flashing lights? Do you need a pillow and blanket to be comfortable taking out a spot to watch?
• Anything you need to be comfortable in a hotel room. Do you bring your own bedside fan? (I do) Do you need larger towels? Your own mug for brewing your in-room coffee? A power strip because you’re going to be charging so many vibrators? An HDMI cord to plug in your tablet for in-room porn viewing before play parties?

*I always bring my eyeglasses. Going hard all day – and the late hours of the dungeon – usually mean that I’m dehydrated enough that my contacts get dry, and I need to swap to glasses.

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What Should I Leave at Home?

Unlike most of your local kink events, you actually can bring a camera to a kink hotel takeover – but it must stay in your hotel room.

As a photographer, this is one of my favorite aspects of kink conventions, honestly. It means that I can memorialize my partner and I’s outfits, bruises, and play from the privacy of our hotel room. It won’t be quite the same as pictures from the dungeon, but considering my usual ability to memorialize our outfits is near zero, this is a great option for me. Just make sure it stays in the hotel room.

(Protip! If you’re going to be taking hotel room photos, ensure all hotel logos and recognizable items are out of your pictures. Even if you don’t think you’ll put these photos online, you might change your mind in a decade – and it’ll matter then. Privacy is very treasured for kink conventions. Ensure you do your part. The first thing I’ll do when I get into my BDSM conference hotel room is put all of the logo’d items into a drawer (phone notepad, branded pens, food menus) and put the hotel phone underneath the bed. This hides almost all of it.)

Drugs and alcohol are also usually off-limits for most BDSM hotel takeovers as well. Even if the drug or alcohol is legal in the surrounding area, most groups do not like the additional concerns that they can introduce in the dungeons or classes.

Especially if you’re traveling to a far-away city, it can also be tempting to issue invitations to see friends or people you’ve met online. Do not bring them back to the hotel. If you want to take an extra day – or take time out during the kink convention itself – to see someone, make sure to meet them at an unrelated location. The hotel will not let them in without conference registration details, and you might end up outing yourself if someone from the kink community comes up to talk to you.

(In general, while at a kink hotel takeover, everyone at the takeover will assume that all conversations with fellow kinky people they know are fair game while in the hotel space.)

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List of BDSM Hotel Takeovers

Sounds amazing, right? Uh, yeah. It does.

Let me introduce you to a list of most of the ones I know about. I’m United States-based, so my list is biased toward the USA, but you can find a BDSM hotel takeover worldwide.

United States BDSM Hotel Takeovers

Arizona: Southwest Decadence
California: Desire (Women-only)
California: DomCon
California: Leather Getaway (Leather-focused)
California: Surrender
Colorado: Colorado Leather Fest (Leather focused)
Colorado: Unabashed Con (Queer focused. Not a full hotel takeover.)
Colorado: Puppies in the Mountains (Puppy play focused)
Connecticut: Tethered Together (Primarily rope focused)
Florida: Beyond Leather
Florida: FetishCon
Florida: Fetish Factory Weekend
Florida: Florida Power Exchange (Relationship dynamic focused)
Florida: The Index Resolution (Not a full hotel takeover)
Georgia: Frolicon
Georgia: Leather Leadership Conference (Focused on leadership/group betterment in kink spaces)
Illinois: CAPCon (ABDL focused)
Illinois: International Mr. Leather (Leather-focused)
Illinois: Kinky Kollege
Illinois: Rope Craft (Rope bondage focused)
Indiana: Indy Dreamworld (ABDL focused)
Maryland: The Beltane (Spiritual sexuality focused)
Maryland: Bootblack Round-Up (Bootblack focused)
Maryland: Charmed (Hypnosis focused)
Massachusetts: Snowbound Leather (Leather focused)
Nevada: Smokeout (Focused on cigar/cigarette smoking. May be men only.)
New Jersey: TES Fest
New Mexico: Leather Fiesta (Leather focused)
Ohio: CLAW (Leather-focused)
Ohio: The Grand Fetish Affair (Not a full hotel takeover yet)
Oregon: Kinkfest
South Carolina: Coastal Fetish Fair
Texas: Beyond Vanilla
Texas: Bondage Expo Dallas
Texas: Esprit de Corps (Men-only, Leather-focused)
Texas: Lone Star Spanking Party (Spanking/impact play focused)
Texas: South Plains Leatherfest (Leather focused)
Washington: Leather Reign (Leather focused)
Washington DC: Master/Slave Conference (Focused on M/s dynamics)
Washington DC: Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend (Leather focused)
Washington DC: Winter Fire

Canada BDSM Hotel Takeovers

Canada: Montreal Fetish Weekend
Canada: TOMKAT Campout (ABDL focused)
Canada: Vancouver Fetish Weekend

Germany BDSM Hotel Takeovers

Germany: BoundCon
Germany: Eurix (Rope bondage focused)

Mexico BDSM Hotel Takeovers

Mexico: Domme Trips (resort-style vacation getaway)

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What If I Like Camping?

You’re in luck! (And I’m jealous. I wish I enjoyed it)

Some kink groups take this exact, hotel-takeover premise and port it over to full campground takeovers! Instead of taking place in a hotel, these events are outdoors where cabin, tent, and RV sleeping are the norm.

Expect the cost to be similar (if not more) because the group will need to provide all of your meals while you’re there. It’s just not logistically feasible for everyone to get into their car during a lunch hour in a campground.

However, kinksters with messier kinks may fall in love with campground takeovers as the lack of floors and walls makes it easier to play without concern! If you’re someone who can feel uncomfortable in tight indoor spaces, the “wide open” outdoors might be a helpful interim between activities for you too. (In most campground takeovers, classes and play parties are still held within indoor event halls. Can’t have the expensive kink furniture getting rained on!)

Look into Camp Crucible, Summer WoW, Leatherwoods, Boundless, Summer Camp, Fusion, Pandemonium in the Prairies (Canada), or Twisted Tryst if this really has your attention.

Updated: March 2024, January 2024, October 2023, September 2023, July 2023, June 2023, April 2023, March 2023.