How to Do Foreplay for Him

Pretty constantly, the entire conversation around foreplay is focused around those with a vulva. After all, if you have a penis, just think about something sexy, and that’s all the foreplay you need, right? You don’t need to worry about how to do foreplay for him, right?

Wrong. To an extent. On average, penis owners can be “ready for intercourse” faster than those with vulvas. That’s because one body part needs the time to open up internally and get all of that surface area wet – while the other just needs to get erect.

However, doing the bare minimum to achieve intercourse is generally not the intention of most of our sexual interactions. If you’re here, reading this, you’re already trying to go beyond “fulfilling the bare minimum of your biological, procreating duties”. You’re trying to make sex more fulfilling, more enjoyable, and more fun for everyone involved.

And that’s where it becomes sad that the conversation around how to do foreplay for him isn’t a common discussion. People with all types of genitals enjoy foreplay – even if it isn’t necessary or required for them to “complete copulation”.

That’s where this article comes in. We’re going to talk about different ways of how to do foreplay for him. You can pick and choose your favorite methods – and use ones that work best for the two (or more) of you. Some might be great some days, and some might be great on other days – just like how foreplay works for anyone of any gender identification.

Let’s jump into how to do foreplay for him:

Enjoy a Passionate Make Out with Grinding

I’m not really sure where “mainstream” media decided that making out was a “feminine” thing. Pretty much every partner I’ve ever had loved making out for making out’s sake – not just as a gateway to “getting laid”.

So why not take extra time during your earlier foreplay – and draw it way, way out as foreplay for him? Experiment with different types of kisses. Use tongue – and then pull the tongue away. Gently nibble at the upper or lower lips. Kiss the corners of the lips. You know, any kissing techniques can be a great fit here.

And don’t forget the rest of the body too! Part of the excitement of making out is the passion behind it. Yes, kissing is awesome for sensations all on its own, but “making out” becomes “top tier” material when it starts to imbue some of that “gotta have it now” energy that’s so damn erotic.

So wrap your fingers into his hair, occasionally take breaks to kiss down the throat, take a few seconds to make passionate eye contact while openly breathing heavily, firmly hold the back of his head as you kiss him, and things like that. What makes you feel even more physically “into” and turned on by making out? Do that.

To provide extra stimulation to the peen, don’t forget about grinding. While most people think of grinding and dry humping as more of a vulva-owner thing, it can be just as erotic for penis-owners. Grind up against their penis while sitting on their lap. If you’re making out pressed up against the wall, lift a thigh and use your hip to press up against their penis. If erection isn’t necessarily happening at the moment, consider making space to stroke the flaccid penis; it can still feel really pleasurable for most penis-owners!

(Keep communication lines open when adding grinding. Especially if the penis is still in clothing or if you have your full body weight behind you, the penis may need a readjustment to get into a comfortable – and not pinchy – position.)

Involve their Kinks

If your penis-owning partner has any kinks, involving them is one of the fastest cheat codes you can find about how to do foreplay for him. Really. Think of kinks and fetishes as a quick turn-on switch for most people. It just works.

Even if the kink isn’t necessarily up your alley, as long as it isn’t something you’re against, consider indulging. Just like giving oral sex doesn’t necessarily provide a whole lot of stimulation for the giver (but feels amazing for the receiver), indulging in someone’s kinks can be a great way to provide some lovely foreplay for him.

You don’t even necessarily have to do the things your partner may be into.

For example, your partner may really be into spanking – and may want to spank you. It’s possible you’re not into that – or you’re not feeling it tonight. Whatever the case, you can still indulge in this kink of his. Wear lingerie that accentuates your ass. Bend over often for a fantastic view. Spank your own butt a few times and jiggle it for him. Use words that talk about how you might need a punishment later – or talk about how soft and supple your butt feels when you smack it. Even if you aren’t into the actual sensations and activity of the kink at that exact time, you can still indulge your partner’s erotic mind.

You can do that with a lot of different fetishes out there:

• For a foot fetishist, make sure your toes are painted, and point them out during sex. Possibly make an attempt to enjoy foreplay positions where they’re easy to see.
• For a panty fetishist, wear their favorite style of panties – and leave them easy to see. Don’t take them off as readily as you normally would. If you’re open to it, spread your legs and point out any resulting wet spots.
• For a bondage kinkster, bring a scarf into the bedroom. Whether you’re wrapping it around your wrists or his, it doesn’t need to be tight or binding; it just needs to offer the illusion and visual of bondage.
• For a chastity kinkster, locking them into your best chastity cage for the day’s preceding your play session can be a great, hands-off type of foreplay.

Not only that, but by indulging in your partner’s kinks, you show a willingness to “accept” parts of them that they otherwise feel are private and/or embarrassing. It isn’t like this is the type of stuff he’d ever confess at a dinner party.

Encourage Him to Stroke

There’s a reason that the “jerk off instruction” fetish community is so huge; it’s because a lot of people find it really hot to be told how, and when, to stroke something that they usually have full control over themselves.

Even if you aren’t within a femdom relationship, encouraging your partner to stroke themselves while you watch can be extremely hot foreplay. If you want to give specific instructions and tease him with your body while you do, have at it. If you’re into something a bit less verbal, you can always drag his own hand down to his own cock – and he’ll usually get the hint. Compliments, sultry glances, and visibly enjoying yourself are usually all the encouragement he’ll need to want to keep “performing” for you.

If you need some foreplay of your own, don’t forget about your own body. You can easily use a vibrator, a sex toy, or your fingers while watching him. This can quickly, and easily, turn into a mutual masturbation session – which can be great for getting you both amped up to move on to something else – or simply enjoying your orgasms here. It’s entirely up to how you want to do foreplay for him.

While you’re trying this new way to learn about how to do foreplay for him, don’t forget to take notes. What areas does he focus on? Where does he keep his grip? How tight and fast does he go when you’re not instructing him? This can be great information to have for handjobs and pleasuring him later.

And if you don’t notice it at the time? Feel free to do it all over again another time! I’ll understand if you’re otherwise distracted.

Cock Worship

If you haven’t done cock worship, it’s a bit hard to define exactly what it is – because it’s so unique to every person and every couple. In general, cock worship is the idea of a handjob and/or blowjob with the intent of showing reverence and love to the penis and the person who owns it – and not speeding off to orgasm.

So, think of it as long, unhurried, drawn out foreplay designed to pleasure the penis owner and make them feel special, desired, and wanted. This can include a wide variety of pleasurable activities – like cock warming, testicle massage, handjobs, blowjobs, deep throating, and more.

I like to think of cock worship as the most unhurried way to pleasure my partner ever. I toss the idea of orgasm completely out of my head. Instead, my cock worship sessions become the time when I bring out experimentation. How can I use two hands and lube to create new sensations? What happens if I move my hand this way? What combination of my mouth and hand can make him make that sound I like? If I want to bring in a sex toy or vibrator, what spots seem to make him feel the best?

Take this slowed down, unhurried pace to notice some of the things you might not usually notice when you’re learning how to do foreplay for him. How does his breathing change when you do a specific thing? Can you see the veins in his cock pulse? How do his thighs tense when you’re doing something – and do you find that hot? How does his skin feel?

I’m particularly partial to watching the scrotum and how it moves. How does it tighten and loosen with different sensations? How does it feel when it’s in different states?

Depending on the receiver, a cock worship session can feel extremely intense (in the best of ways!) and keep the receiver on the verge of orgasm. Don’t be afraid to stop all stimulation and play around the inner thighs – or take a slow, unhurried pace that will keep the peak from easily rising up.

(Since this involves me being in the area for a long, long time, I have in the past chosen to use cock worship sessions as part of foreplay when he’s fresh from a shower.)

Use Sex Toys

As the market for penis pleasure expands, the available sex toy options for penis owners expands too. Instead of being solely focused on vulva-owners, there’s an entire segment of the sex toy industry that focuses on penis owners.

This can be a fantastic way to provide foreplay for him. Depending on your lover’s proclivities, this can look like a penis vibrator, penis strokers, anal toys, anal vibrators, prostate massagers, cock rings, and more. While each one of these types of toys can be used solo, the foreplay for him aspect comes in when you use them on your partner.

Just let them lay back and enjoy as you pleasure them with the help of a sex toy. Not only does this reduce some of your efforts by providing you with an extra helping hand, but it also mixes up the sensations. It adds new sensations that your body just can’t, physically, create (like vibrations). And it gives you something new to play with in the bedroom beyond hands and tongues, and that can be really nice.

If your partner’s usual choice of sex toy isn’t up your alley, don’t be afraid to get a sex toy that appeals to you. I’m really partial to the Fleshlight Blue Skins because it feels really, really awesome in my hand, is clear and see-through so I can see the “action”, and don’t feel like I’m using a disembodied vagina on my partner. It feels just as fun for me to use as they seem to be for him to feel.

Don’t forget about some of the more creative toys out there, too. Using a uniquely-shaped sex toy on the penis can really encourage you both to get into the spirit of foreplay – since it will require experimentation and drawn-out play to really figure out the best ways to use that toy on his body. I’m thinking something like the Fun Factory Manta – which is a fantastic wrap-around penis vibrator, but probably a style of sex toy you’re not used to using.

Use Hands-Free Sex Toys

You know how panty vibrators are the big talk of the town for vulva-owners and foreplay discussions? They can do similar things for people learning how to do foreplay for him. Not only can you use this to provide a tease ahead of the sexual experience, but it can also be absolutely amazing for pleasure during the experience too. Consider keeping him constantly aroused with the help of sex toys while you still have your hands, mouth, and full body available to do any of these other how to do foreplay for him suggestions.

If you’re looking for hands-free sex toys for him, consider cock rings, prostate massagers, anal toys, or penis vibrators. All of these options can stay in place on their own without a hand keeping them in place.

(Be aware: Most cock rings will be too tight for long, drawn-out pleasure sessions. Cock rings are designed to restrict blood flow – which usually means the wearer will need to remove it after 10-20 minutes. Go with anal toys or toys specifically meant for looser cock wearing if you want to use it for a long, drawn-out foreplay session.)

Bring in Dirty Talk

Okay, okay: if you’re unfamiliar with dirty talk, this suggestion probably makes you want to give up sex for life.

But, honestly, dirty talk can be extremely erotic – especially if your partner isn’t used to hearing you say these types of things. And that, right in itself, is the whole point: by exposing them to a new side of you, the novelty and bonus arousal is instantly built in!

There are tons and tons of guides about how to do dirty talk, but the easiest way to start is simply to verbally describe what’s going on – and how it makes you feel. Some easy, simple suggestions:

• “I love how your dick feels in my hand.”
• “Your warm skin feels so amazing against me. I love being naked with you.”
• “I didn’t wear any panties tonight; I was hoping this would happen.”
• “Your balls feel so heavy in my hands. I love it.”

As dirty talk starts to feel more familiar and comfortable, you’ll likely find yourself wanting to branch out more – and try different phrases and ideas. So just focus on the simple stuff first – and save the verbalized Literotica story for when you have some experience under your belt.

Enjoy a Long, Drawn-Out Tease

Let’s be real: we don’t always have the time or energy to enjoy 8 hours of teasing foreplay. But when you do, this can be a wonderful way for the two of you to both enjoy some foreplay. Drag your fingers along skin that you don’t generally touch. Linger around areas that you know he enjoys – but aren’t necessarily orgasmic. (Inner thighs tend to be a good one!)

For bonus points, at a time when you think it will be appropriate (like not when he’s mid-way through a super stressful week at work), consider making that drawn-out tease a surprise too.

Maybe a naughty photo when you hit the bathroom at a restaurant after a sly “don’t check your phone near anyone while I’m gone *wink*”. Maybe send him a naughty text when you know he’s done with work. Whatever works for the two of you.

Compliment Him

Yes, seriously. Compliment him. As Not Always in the Mood points out, a lot of people assume, very incorrectly, what “sex” looks like for men. At least in the current culture in the USA, there’s a long-going trope that men are just horny beasts who will be satisfied as long as they can stick their dick in something.

And, as author, Sarah Hunter Murray, pointed out, that couldn’t be any further from the truth.

Men, just like women and most human beings out there, also have an ego and a need to feel loved and valued inside of a partnership (whether casual, relationship, committed, or otherwise).

So, make sure you’re complimenting your partner both inside and outside of the bedroom.

Not only can this be fantastic for increasing the intimacy between the two of you, but it’s also just pretty hot. Most people like to feel like the person they’re having sex with finds them attractive, and being upfront about what you like and what you like about them can be a fantastic addition when you’re trying to learn how to do foreplay for him.

Feel free to make your compliments as raunchy as you want too – especially as this is all for sexual foreplay. Do you love the way his body moves when he grinds against you? Do you love how talented his fingers are? Do you love the way he responds to your own body? His hair? His eyes? If a compliment comes to mind during sex, feel free to share it.

Treat It as a Chance for Intimacy

Foreplay isn’t simply designed to be a prerequisite to achieving intercourse. Like most things about our sexual experience, foreplay gives you the chance to connect with your partner, provide pleasure in different ways, explore new things, and everything else!

So, instead of focusing on foreplay for him as a purely-physical activity to prime him for intercourse, think of it as a tool for connection and intimacy.

This may include things like:

• intentionally breathing together
• asking him what his body is feeling – and exploring more of that
• whispering some of your fantasies to one another
• taking your time touching parts of his body, seeing how his body responds to touch
• using your mouth – along with your hands – and taking your time to explore

Let Him Touch Himself

The thing about partnered sex – and foreplay – is that we assume every aspect of it needs to be two-player. If someone is stroking a dick, we think it should be the “partner” in the experience – not the owner.

Instead, encourage (and enjoy the visual!) of him stroking himself! Not only can this be a great way to keep arousal levels running high, but it also can be a fantastic way to share pleasure when free hands are in short supply.

For example, if he’s providing oral sex to you, your hands may not be anywhere near his penis – but his own could be! By encouraging him to touch himself – and enjoying it as he does – you both get the benefits of erotic sensations – and continued foreplay!

Explore Non-Erect Sensations

Regardless of age, erections aren’t always as “on-demand” as every porn and mainstream movie makes it seem. He could be 1000% into what’s going on – but his penis may not be erect that day. Alcohol, age, stress, lifestyle, diet, health conditions, and pretty much anything under the sun can affect erections. Erections are not a perfect cause-and-effect system.

Unfortunately, the societal expectation is that someone isn’t enjoying themselves unless an erection is happening. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Unfortunately, that expectation can lead penis-owning partners to cease stimulation that isn’t causing erection – and in some cases, even assuming that the penis-owner isn’t attracted to them anymore because of the lack of erections.

With that in mind, if he isn’t getting an erection, instead of assuming something is wrong, ask him.

Things like:

• Does this still feel good?
• Is there a different way you’d like me to handle your penis while it’s soft vs erect?
• Can you achieve orgasm while flaccid? (Many people can!)
• If you can achieve orgasm while flaccid, what movements and stimulation would feel best to make that happen?
• If you want to achieve an erection today, is there anything that would help with that?

Ask Him What He Wants

I feel like “Ask him!” as the first suggestion in any sex tips article feels like a cop-out click-bait, so I didn’t want to put it first – but it really is the best suggestion.

I can give you different ways to pleasure a penis-owning person until I’m blue in the face, but if they aren’t the methods that work well for your penis-owning person, then they aren’t going to be great foreplay for them.

Everyone has their own idea of what makes foreplay hot. For my partner, it’d probably be something involving men’s lingerie, some small penis humiliation, maybe some chastity, and a whole, whole lot of edging. For someone else, that’s probably some version of a torture chamber. Foreplay for men isn’t really a one-size-fits-all type of activity.

Especially if he’s a kinky person – or has fetishes – make sure to ask him what type of foreplay is great for him. You both can do a Yes/No/Maybe list if you want to be more tongue-in-cheek about it, or you can straight-up ask him. But if you don’t ask, you might not know that simply wearing pantyhose – or slipping a high heel off at dinner – might be one of the hottest ideas of foreplay he can think of.

Rethink Your Idea of Foreplay

Most of all, foreplay is about savoring each other’s bodies, taking it slow, and making “pleasure” the priority – not focusing on “what comes next”. The “what comes next” generally means intercourse – especially for most standard, heterosexual couples.

This focus on intercourse, unfortunately, is not helpful. Even the term “foreplay”, itself, alludes to this problem. “fore-” meaning “before”. The word, pretty directly, has an etymology that means “before the play” – which sets up “intercourse” as the final, most exciting act that we’re prepping for. (I know my nerd is showing here.)

But continually treating foreplay like a “thing we must do to reach the finish line” allows us to treat it like a stop on our sexual roadmaps – not a destination all on its own.

Now when we start to think of foreplay as an act to itself – maybe the entirety of our play together, we can start to view all of the stereotypical “foreplay” activities as entire sexual adventures all on their own. The majority of my most satisfying sex didn’t include intercourse. It included a lot of passion, a ton of time spent with focused attention on one another, and a whole lot of delicious-feeling sensations.

And hey – if you choose to move on to having intercourse after you’re done with your foreplay, more power to you! I want you both to do what feels right for the two of you, and if that’s intercourse, hell yeah. If that’s some passionate mutual masturbation, hell yeah too.

The point is: allowing yourself to think about “foreplay” as a broad, giant category of amazing sexual activities that are stand-alone, all on their own (like most of us do in new relationships where intercourse might be off the table) activities, allows us to give them the time, focus, and enjoyment that makes all of sex feel more amazing – and can make intercourse, later on, feel more fulfilling if we choose to go that route.

(Note: I believe someone who identifies as a he/him can have genitals of any variety – and call them how they wish. This article was written to focus on providing foreplay for anyone with a penis. However, attempting to appease the search engine gods – so anyone will get to read this in the first place – requires using the language that people are looking for. Here’s my disclaimer – and to hoping that the primary terms change in the future as cultural perceptions shift.)