Are you someone who loves form and structure? Do you love an easy excuse for kinky fun? Are you turned on by the idea of slowly modifying your partner’s habits, behaviors, and skills? A BDSM training plan might be exactly what you’re after.
A BDSM training plan is exactly what it sounds like. In it, the dominant creates a plan, complete with a schedule, to slowly train a submissive to adopt new behaviors or new skills. The idea is relatively straight-forward, but you’ll find that really specializing your plan can have much better results. (It’s less sexy, but a lot of business project best practices can make sure we actually achieve our goals instead of just thinking with our metaphorical dicks.)
Today’s article is written by a lifestyle femdom, for lifestyle femdoms to read. However, if you’re a submissive or a professional, you can still use this advice to train yourself or your clients.
BDSM Training Plan Examples
The BDSM Training Plan will vary by your needs, your submissive’s needs, and your desires for your dynamic.
Especially in femdom relationships, some common examples might include:
I want my submissive to….
- learn to give pedicures.
- be able to walk well in heels.
- be able to take my strap-on dildo easily and on-command anytime I want.
- be locked into a chastity cage for weeks on end.
- to follow my demands for orgasm control and use self-control to avoid touching themselves.
- orgasm on demand when I count down from 10.
- be able to last longer during intercourse.
- ejaculate faster (even prematurely) for my entertainment.
- be turned on by the sight, smell, and use of condoms.
- learn to make my favorite cocktails.
- have a higher pain tolerance for spanking.
- be comfortable and more proficient at talking dirty.
But really, the world’s your oyster! If you can imagine it, you can make a BDSM training plan for it!
Let’s hop right in and learn how to build your own BDSM training plan. First…
Really Flush Out Your BDSM Training Plan Goal
You’re going to struggle with crafting a full plan if you don’t actually know what you’re trying to achieve.
And this one can be more insidious than you’d think.
Let’s say you want to train a submissive to give a good blowjob. But…what does a good blowjob entail for you? If you’re a huge fan of deep throating, it might entail working on their gag reflex. Maybe what makes a “good blowjob” for you is actually the erotic visuals. Maybe you actually think a blowjob is hottest when they take the initiative instead of asking for one.
The training plan for the different facets of that would look different.
For example, if you wanted to improve their gag reflex, you’d likely spend time requiring them to go down on dildos, slowly making progress on decreasing their sensitivity over time.
If you wanted better initiation and visuals, though, your BDSM training plan might include scheduled blowjob days where your submissive is expected to dress hot and initiate a blowjob. It might even include sending your submissive to dirty talking classes to help build out those brain-zappingingly hot phrases you want to hear.
So before you get too deep in actually creating our BDSM training plan, let’s try to narrow down what we’re, exactly, trying to train for.
An easy thought exercise: If you were going to try to tell an AI BDSM chatbot exactly how you wanted them to describe or “perform” that action for you, what description would you give it? What aspects would be important enough that you would write them out to ensure the chatbot included them in its behavior?
If you find that the AI chatbot isn’t behaving or focusing on the aspects that you would find hot about their training, consider what isn’t quite landing for you, and adjust the prompt.
Brainstorm the Smaller Steps that Make Up the Bigger Goal
Now that you have an end goal, you’ll want to do exactly what I just did: figure out what smaller steps would improve the submissive’s performance at this larger “goal”.
Let’s say I want my submissive to walk in heels. Since we’re working on making our goal very specific, I specifically want my submissive to walk in stripper sandal heels I bought him at play parties.
With that discrete goal, I know that training him in tiny kitten heels wouldn’t achieve my fantasies. Since I know I want him to wear these at play parties, I also need to get him comfortable with changing flooring types, low lighting, and lots of obstacles and potential things on the ground. Since we’re at play parties, he might also be carrying my heavy bags or other kink gear.
With that in mind, my “mini” kinky training goals might look like:
- Be able to walk our entire house, from bathroom tile to hardwood floor to living room carpet, in the heels for at least 30 minutes.
- Be able to comfortably step over obstacles on the floor – including in low lighting.
- Be able to walk the aforementioned house while carrying a heavy bag of gear on one side of his body.
- Be able to stand, stationary, in the heels for at least an hour (as we often stand still while talking to friends we know at parties or hotel takeovers).
- (Bonus) Be able to perform these skills with grace and fluidity, looking comfortable in the pair of heels that he’s wearing.
Schedule Out Realistic Deadlines
If you’re anything like me, you’re busy. You probably have a day job, a daily shower, and have to keep your house looking somewhat respectable. And that’s before you even include any kids or other dependents.
Even though this kinky training is supposed to be “fun”, it can be easy to overdo it and overschedule yourselves. Especially when you’re turned on, the idea of having to do your training, every day at 5PM, can sound deliciously demanding.
Reality is rarely as kind to our fantasies, though, and I want you to plan that way from the get-go. Realistically, as soon as you start missing 4 or 5 days of that 5PM training, you’re going to find that the entire training session stops being a priority, and you just don’t worry about it going forward. After you’ve had that happen with 3 or 4 training plan attempts, you might even just write off kinky training entirely out of frustration. And that’s no fun.
Instead, try to plan for a schedule that works well with you (and your submissive’s) lifestyles.
Some tips for trying to fit BDSM training plans into a busy schedule without making it stressful:
- Allow for a flexible period of time when you expect the training to be done. For example, expect a training session once a week or once a month instead of “4PM on Tuesday”. This gives everybody more flexibility in making it happen.
- Attach the training onto another activity that only happens when the submissive has extra time. For example, if the submissive only sits at a coffeeshop for coffee when they have a night off, you might also say they need to wear their plug to the coffeeshop to work on their anal training goals.
- Specifically “give up” something optional that’s in your schedule to make time or energy for the training. Gym nights might be every Monday, but you might give up some time at the gym once a month to have more time and energy to make some kinky fun happen.
- Make something in your busy schedule more efficient. If you usually go out to dinner for date nights, have someone grab take-out on the way home, saving you an hour’s worth of time that you can devote to kinky training instead. If you’re worried about food warmth, choose refrigerated foods (sushi, sub sandwiches, salads, etc.) for eating after the training is over. (This can be a good excuse to get healthier take-out for an evening too!)
- Devote specific weekends to the training. It can be hard to make time during the work week. If that’s stressful and you’re willing to make “slower” progress, consider simply devoting a weekend, once a month, to more focused, kinky fun and training. This might look like some play first thing in the morning before you leave the bedroom or specifically coming back home after dropping the kids off at a friend’s instead of staying to socialize like you normally would.
Remember: all of this BDSM stuff is supposed to be fun. Give yourself a little grace. Give yourself extra time. If something big comes up, prioritize your kink…but within reason. The whole point of doing this is an improved (but optional) sex skill. It shouldn’t be a large point of stress or contention.
Provide Rewards for Continuing with your BDSM Training Plan
Some of the fun of a BDSM training plan is the constant back-and-forth you get to have in your dynamic. The dominant makes a goal, and the dominant supervises and plans to make sure the submissive is training to “meet” that goal. As the submissive does the training, the dominant provides positive feedback and encouragement, making it enjoyable to undertake what is (essentially) extra work.
Make sure you’re rewarding your submissive as they make positive strides in their training. The “exact” reward will vary based on your own dynamics and what everyone finds important.
For example:
- Keep a calendar, and color-in any weeks/months/time periods where the training was completed.
- Provide verbal feedback, giving compliments about improved skills as the submissive works on them.
- Attach the training to another enjoyable thing the submissive does – like only allowing them a few scoops of ice cream on the days where they’ve completed their training.
- Keep a “chore calendar”, allowing the submissive to earn points that can be redeemed for prizes of your choosing. This can work great, especially if the submissive has a Little streak.
- Doing part of their training alongside some of their favorite kinks. For example, if your submissive loves being pegged and you want to see them get better at giving pedicures, you might occasionally wear a strap-on dildo and harness and allow them to ride your strap-on while their pedicure paint job is drying.
Feel free to mix it up, keeping the “rewards” for undertaking your BDSM training plan fresh for constant motivation. Everybody likes to feel accomplished.
Updated: March 2026, February 2026.
