Curious about the world of cuckolding? What even is it, why might you like it, and how can you explore it without accidentally blowing up your relationship? Well, today, let an experienced lifestyle femdom walk you through how to cuckold for beginners and how a sex doll might be the best way to dip your toes into this kink.
Designed to help other women (or femdoms!) understand and pull off a cuckolding scene, this entire article is written to be read by someone looking to cuckold their partner. I’m writing it from the perspective of a woman in a heterosexual relationship who is cuckolding their submissive male partner. All of these how to cuckold for beginners tips, however, can be used by anyone of any gender.
How to Cuckold for Beginners: What is Cuckolding?
The traditional, old school definition of cuckolding is when a married woman has sex with someone else who is not her husband. She is “cuckolding” her husband, and her husband is the cuckold in this arrangement.
(Etymology nerd fun fact: the word comes from the Old French ‘cucu’ from the cuckoo bird’s habit of laying its egg in another bird’s nest.)
Historically, the word “cuckold” was used as a negative one. Even in modern usage, you’ll occasionally catch this word used with negative connotations – especially in the news media.
In the kink community, cuckolding isn’t necessarily a “bad” thing; it can be a consensual adventure any couple undertakes! By enjoying some ethical non-monogamy within their relationship, couples can agree that one partner will have sex outside the marriage, and they can have conversations and create agreements that help protect their own relationship while enjoying this outside sexual partner.
This isn’t quite like a threesome or swinging though. Part of the arousal of cuckolding may include the inherent power dynamics. The “cheating” spouse is in charge here, and the cuckold is reduced to consensual “lesser than” status. They don’t get to call the shots during the sexual encounter, and they may be blindfolded or bound to prohibit them from even fully participating in the action. The priority during most cuckolding scenes is the “cheater” getting what they want while the cuckold takes a back seat. There’s a reason that cuckolds usually identify as submissive (though they don’t have to!)
The actual sex acts in cuckolding, typically, focus on the interaction between the “cheating” spouse and the third party. It’s pretty common for the “cheating” spouse to have oral sex or intercourse with the third party. In some cases, the cuckold will simply be sitting back at home, waiting to hear about the date when the “cheater” comes home. In other cases, the cuckold will be sitting in the corner of the room, watching their spouse with the third party, and may be invited in to participate during or afters as “sloppy seconds”.
People are turned on by cuckolding for a variety of reasons, but some common ones include:
- Seeing your spouse be pleasured by another person. You’re already turned on by the look of your spouse. Now imagine a “porn” featuring your spouse and another person; that can be some of the arousal of the cuckold getting to watch.
- An easy route and activity for humiliation. Especially for cuckolds who love humiliation and degradation, cuckolding is a perfect fit for proclaiming this new, third person is “superior” to the cuckold with real, clear “consequences” for the way the cuckold is inferior.
- “Cooperative” ethical non-monogamy. Some couples really love cuckolding because it keeps their monogamous relationship feeling sexually amped up while simultaneously keeping it all “above-board”. It’s a way to enjoy new, sexual novelties as a team (instead of lying or cheating on an individual level). This can be similar to why people love swinging.
- Fluid sexuality. Some cismale cuckolds may be attracted to other cisgender men. If the cuckolding includes another man and some interaction between the two, this can be a “safe” way to explore some of those curiosities with their partner still present.
Cuckolding does not require marriage, and it can be done by anyone of any gender (though flipping the gender usually uses the term “cuckqueaning” to reduce confusion). Cuckolding just requires the understanding and “agreement” of fidelity to one another – and the act of someone “breaking” that fidelity. In a BDSM context, however, that “breaking” of fidelity needs to be done with consent by all parties.
How Can a Sex Doll Help?
Cuckolding can be really hot for the people who enjoy it.
But cuckolding also comes with a pretty large risk: you’re inviting another human into your relationship and sex life. While this can be hot, especially for monogamous couples, this can be a huge risk. Without lots of communication and a willingness to work through jealousy, you might accidentally find resentment, frustration, and anger from having a new person involved in your sex life.
(It also comes with increased STI risks and potential pregnancy risks, too.)
If all of that is something you’re willing to work through, please, have a great time and do it.
However, adding another person isn’t the only way to make some of those cuckolding fantasies come to life. Just like you can fake a threesome, you can use a sex doll to help you bring cuckolding fantasies to life without the messy emotional entanglements.
Simply find a sex doll you both find attractive, and you’ll be good to go!
(Plus, this means you don’t have to date or try to find someone you want to have sex with! And there’s no awkward “When does the third person leave?” vibes to deal with afterwards!)
How to Cuckold for Beginners: Using a Sex Doll
So, let’s talk about how to use a sex doll inside the bedroom to learn how to cuckolding for beginners.
Step 1: Communicate and Negotiate
First, we’re going to negotiate what the scene will look like – but let’s be fair here: this can look a whole lot like dirty talk instead of a dry negotiation.
We, essentially, want to find out what turns you both on about this cuckolding fantasy. This ensures nobody has any unwanted surprises mid-scene. If one person is really turned on by licking up a creampie while the other is really turned off by it, that isn’t the type of thing you want to find out while being ordered to do the activity.
I recommend knowing the answers to some of these questions:
- What turns you on about cuckolding?
- What are some of your favorite cuckolding scenarios?
- Are there cuckolding scenarios you’re uncomfortable with?
- Is humiliation a part of cuckolding for you?
- What type of interaction would you like the cuckold to have with the “bull”?
- What type of fantasies have you had about pre-play teasing?
- In an ideal world, what would your perfect cuckolding scene look like?
- What turns you off about cuckolding?
- Are there any specific names/phrases that are an instant no or an instant yes from you?
Essentially, when all of this “negotiation” is done, we want to know exactly how you both imagine the scene going, what turn-ons you have about the idea, and what turn-offs you’d like to avoid.
Keep in mind: this “negotiation” can take weeks if you draw it out, and that’s not a bad thing. Enjoy the anticipation of finally bringing a fantasy to life by talking about it for awhile. Tease each other about it, and flirt about it as you find out more information that will help bring this fantasy to life. You’re not in any rush. Sex dolls aren’t going anywhere, and there’s no pressure to try to arrange a “date” to bring things to life. Treat this “negotiation” as foreplay instead of a checklist. Revel in the eroticism of what you want to do.
Step 2: Buy a Sex Doll
If you’re like the average person, you don’t just have a sex doll lying around your house. I think I might be the exception to that rule here.
So, in your journey to learn how to cuckold for beginners, we probably want to actually buy the sex doll that we plan on using.
I really, really recommend making this part of your fantasy-building and play. Just like picking out a “bull” (the common term for a “third party” person to add to your relationship) to date can be part of the arousing part of cuckolding, picking out a sex doll together can be part of the entire experience.
Remember, though, this is supposed to be about the cuckoldress’s pleasure. Her (or his!) opinion should matter the most here – though I suppose the cuckold could have a say in it as well.
Get a sex doll that brings some of your fantasies to life. Do those fantasies include a sex doll with a penis? Or one with breasts? Or maybe one that simply has a body shape that reminds you of someone you’ve had a crush on in the past?
This is also the time where I’d recommend being careful about self-esteem issues. Sex dolls look nothing like the average person, and it can be really easy for the dominant partner to get caught up comparing themselves to some of the sex dolls out there. Make sure you both take some time to reassure each other that you find each other attractive; nitpicking your way through a bunch of unrealistic dolls can start to make you reflect poorly on your own body, and we want to avoid that.
If self-esteem concerns are a big issue, you may want to shop exclusively for ass-only or crotch-only sex dolls. You can still have your sex doll cuckolding fantasy, but it will take a flat stomach, missing ribs, and F-cup breasts out of the equation.
While shopping for that sex doll, don’t forget about some of the practacalities of sex doll ownership too! You’ll want to select a doll that isn’t too heavy for the cuckoldress to move around and you need to be able to store it. For most people, that will likely be a Mini sex doll.
In many cases, the cuckoldress will be moving around the sex doll by herself while her cuckolded partner is bound. Keep that in mind for selecting a doll that isn’t too heavy and unwieldy for her to move – especially if she’s shorter. (Some taller sex dolls really require a wide armspan to get a good grip on them!)
You’ll also need a doll that will be able to work with some of the physical stimulation ideas you have in mind. More about that below!
Step 3: Set the Scene
It’s hard for me to give you an exact how-to with this one. You and your partner have talked it out, and you both have a shared fantasy that I don’t know about it. Everyone’s cuckolding fantasies are a bit different, and I’m not sure where your two fantasies ended up.
That being said, I highly recommend that you take some time to “set the scene” with your cuckolding sex doll. Adding realism through props, location, dirty talk, and actions can really make your sex doll feel like a “bull” instead of just a sex doll lying on a bed. It’s amazing what some anticipation and some visual cues can do to transform a scene.
Since you’re here to learn how to cuckold for beginners, here’s a list of some of the things I think you can play with to add some realism and intensity to your cuckolding scene:
A Plan: If you, the cuckoldress, are planning the majority of the scene, I highly recommend having a general “gameplan” for your cuckolding scene. Having this outline ahead of time can let you relax into the scene itself and enjoy yourself instead of wondering “what next”. If you’re not big into femdom, you could ask your cuckold to write out the exact plan of what they’d like to see happen – and you can pick and choose from that plan to command a scene you enjoy that doesn’t take as much domination bandwidth on your end.
An Outfit: Dressing a sex doll can feel kinda silly, but it also can really make a difference in your scene. Did you meet your “bull” at the club? What underwear are they wearing? Are they a waitress at your local breasts-forward restaurant? Most sex dolls are small enough that they wear XXS and XS sizes. Lucky for us, those are the sizes that don’t sell that well at retailers, letting you pick up clothes for your doll on the cheap. Dressing your sex doll ahead of time can help bring the fantasy to life. Just remember that you have to be able to take the clothing off (if you want!) to play. (You should also avoid anything with lots of metal or hardwear like jeans. They can tear the soft material of your sex doll.)
A Location: If you get a large luggage, you can tote your sex doll to a hotel room. You might be surprised that doing this scene in a hotel room instantly makes it feel more “real”. Add even more realism by having a drink with your cuckold at the hotel bar ahead of time, telling them about the “bull” you’ve invited into your hotel room for later. ;) If booking a hotel room isn’t a vibe for the two of you, take some time to clean up and get your home space ready.
Some Phrases: Dirty talk can be a huge part of cuckolding. To avoid racking your brain in the middle of your scene and disrupting your own pleasure, I highly recommend coming up with some dirty talk phrases ahead of time. This can be a few dirty/humiliating pet names or just some phrases that you’d like to repeat a couple times. Some of my favorite ideas:
- Oh, she feels SO much better than you do!
- Wow, his dick is touching places I’ve never even felt before! I’m not sure I can ever go back!
- My little bound cuck, so helpless, aren’t you?
- I bet you wish you could be in the middle of this, don’t you?
- Mmm, it must be torture knowing that you can’t touch any of this.
- Your mouth is going to be the perfect clean-up after I’ve enjoyed all of this.
Some Bondage: I’m going to recommend adding some bondage in the step below, so I recommend having the gear necessary for that. This will likely include wrist cuffs and a blindfold. If you’re heading to a hotel room, make sure you pick gear that can work regardless of the furniture you find there.
Step 4: Bind Your “Cuck”
Being bound and “forced” to watch is a huge part of cuckolding for a lot of cuckolds. I don’t want to say it’s something for everyone, but once you clear it with your partner, you’ll probably find that they’ve fantasized about it.
This works out well for you, really. It means you can simply bind your cuck in the corner during your “scene” and then enjoy yourself with the doll, “forcing” them to watch.
You can even play with a bit of sadism and include a blindfold in the whole thing. Then they’re only allowed to hear your whimpers of pleasure and have to imagine what’s going on in front of them.
It’s not a must-do, but especially when you’re learning how to cuckold for beginners, I find that this can be an easy win. It makes the cuckold feel even more “helpless” in the situation with minimal effort on your part. You don’t even have to make up much dirty talk for it! Simply reminding them of what’s literally happening (they’re bound and forced to watch) tends to be pretty darn hot!
Step 5: Enjoy Yourself
The whole point of cuckolding is that you, the cuckoldress, are supposed to have a great time, leaving your cuckold “missing” on the action.
That’s impossible to achieve if you don’t, y’know, have a great time!
While playing with a sex doll may not have been your first thought when learning how to cuckold for beginners, there are ways to make it really fun for you – even if you’re playing with a sex doll that doesn’t traditionally have your body type of choice.
Orgasmic Sex Doll Ideas for Penetration
- Get a strap-on harness and dildo (as shown in the feature photos!) and make the doll wear them for you. You can then “ride” the doll if penetration is desirable for you. If you have a sex doll with a penis, the “dildo” is already built-in.
- If your cuckold has a particular kink for creampies or ejaculation, consider adding an ejaculating dildo to that strap-on harness. It will let you craft a powerful visual when you’re ready!
- (That ejaculating dildo can also be a really easy way to make “creampie” cuckolding kinks come to life and transition into getting more pleasure for yourself. Simply ride the dildo, get that “creampie”, then lay next to the sex doll and demand your cuckold use their tongue to pleasure you and clean you up.)
- Using lots of lube, get a double-ended dildo, and “share” the dildo with the sex doll.
Orgasmic Sex Doll Ideas for External Stimulation
- Get a wand massager and lean overtop of the sex doll, “sharing” the wand massager’s head with both yourself and the wand massager.
- Grind against the doll’s vulva, scissoring style. This may not provide the most sensation, but it can be a really hot visual for both of you.
- Use a panty vibrator (or other hands-free vibrator) between your own legs while you’re touching and playing with the sex doll if you want to focus on providing visuals while still getting a bit of sensation yourself.
- If strap-on sex or pegging is orgasmic for you, you can strap on your own harness and dildo and slide into the dildo’s orifices. You can then grind yourself against the base of the strap-on dildo, getting external stimulation while providing a very hot visual.
- If your sex doll has a face, you can enjoy some facesitting – or strap a dildo onto the doll’s face with a harness. I recommend some light caution with this, though, as cleaning a sex doll’s face (especially the hair) can be difficult.
Step 6: Let Them Cum…or Don’t
Only you know what cuckolding fantasies the two of you covered when undertaking this “how to cuckold for beginners” journey.
In many cuckolding fantasies, there’s a big denial component where the cuckold is left with zero sexual release or fulfillment.
If that’s the case in your partnership, feel free to take that to fruition. Orgasm and enjoy yourself, teasing your cuckold, until you’re tired of doing it all. Then simply let them know that they don’t deserve an orgasm tonight. After all, they didn’t even do any of the work; why should they get to cum?
Be prepared for your cuckold’s sex drive to be running on high alert for awhile, though, as this probably fulfilled a few fantasies and left them really craving release.
(The sex doll shown in this article is the Britney sex doll by Tantaly, wearing the Spareparts Joque harness.)
Updates: September 2024, August 2024.
