BDSM Hotel Takeover: Everything You Need to Know

Looking for a new way to add kink into your life? Love learning new BDSM things – or simply want to show off for large crowds of people? Maybe you simply want to escape the humdrum of everyday life and escape into an alternate universe filled with kinky fun? If any of those apply to you, let me introduce you to a BDSM hotel takeover.

What is a BDSM Hotel Takeover?

Exactly what the name implies, a BDSM Hotel Takeover is when a group of kinky people “take over” an entire hotel (or area of a hotel) for an event that usually lasts at least a few days.

The exact set-up of your kink hotel takeover will vary on the group and the size of the hotel. In some instances, the entire hotel is “overrun” with kinky people – and all of the public spaces of the hotel will be fair game for kinky outfits, collars, leashes, and more. (For food safety, even these spaces usually require clothing in the bars and restaurants.)

In other set-ups, the group only “takes over” a specific area/wing of the hotel. When you’re in that area/wing, you’re allowed to go hog wild, but when you’re in the “normal” parts of the hotel, you’ll need to look like you’re going to meet your new lover’s grandma.

Most kink hotel takeovers take place over a weekend – usually Thursday/Friday to Sunday. A few kink hotel takeovers have a week-long period or intentionally place themselves on a holiday weekend to run extra days.

A BDSM Hotel Takeover usually runs from early in the morning until after midnight each night. The daylight hours are packed full of kink classes on various topics, presented by educators who were specifically brought in to teach. During the evening, the play parties begin, and all of those same people you were learning with all day will now transform into well-dressed kinksters who are taking advantage of all of the amazing bondage equipment available to play on.

As an example schedule, classes may start at 8AM and go until 5PM with a break for lunch. 5PM to 7PM may be your dinner and “get ready” time. 7PM to 8PM may be a kink performance or event ceremonies with a large play party afterwards that may go from 8PM until 2AM.

What Makes a BDSM Hotel Takeover Different?

If you’re going to compare a BDSM hotel takeover to a standard play party or local class, a BDSM hotel takeover stands out because:

• It goes for multiple days at once.
• If you choose to take advantage of it, you can be in a kink-only oasis for an entire weekend. You don’t have to even pretend to be vanilla for days.
• You can shop in a vendor market (or the silent auction!) from other kinky craftspeople to expand your toy collection.
• The people you’ll encounter are a much, much larger pool of people. This can be especially helpful if you like to do pick-up play with a niche kink.
• You can learn from national (or international) kink presenters on topics that your local community may not have experts on.
• You can learn fresh perspectives. Your local community may default to one understanding of consent frameworks while another in a different country may use something else. This can open your ideas to other ways of thinking.
• If your day-to-day life makes it impossible to spend days within your dynamic’s roles, having the freedom away from everyday life, responsibilities, and childcare can be a vacation to itself.
• You can see how a wider group of people practice their kink. If you’re familiar with your local group, you probably already know what to expect out of Tom and Jessi when they play; here you can see new ways of approaching the same activities.
• You may be able to meet up – or arrange – a private class with a presenter whose skills you’ve admired online.
• If specific kinks/activities are illegal in your local area, traveling outside of your area may allow you to learn about them in a place where they’re legal.
• You’ll simply have more options! There will likely be multiple class tracks and play parties going on at the same time; you can always choose what works best for you!

Is a Kink Hotel Takeover Good for Introverts?

Welcome, fellow introvert! I, too, am drained by large crowds of people. (A writer on the internet? An introvert? Who’d have guessed?)

I actually prefer kink hotel takeovers for this reason.

With your local group, you show up to an event, and it probably has 5-40 people. With a group that small, you probably feel the need to really show up and participate. After all, if half of a group that small chose to stand against the wall, the event would be pretty weird.

That isn’t really the case at a BDSM hotel takeover. Instead, you’re at an event with 300 to 1000+ people. The scheduling of this event means that people are milling about and coming and going pretty much constantly. With 4-5 play parties or classes going on at any given time, there just isn’t a set “place” you ever really have to be.

This means you can also “mill around” and talk to no one – or you can easily leave the event, take a nap and recharge in your hotel room – and come back.

I especially love how easy this is to do during the evening play parties at kink hotel takeovers. At most stand-alone play parties at your local space, there’s an expectation that you arrive at the party and stay until you’re done for the night. This makes sense; logistically, letting people in and out would be hard on the staff and would bring attention to the private location.

That isn’t the case with a kink hotel takeover. Hotels are known for in-and-out. You can easily attend the first hour of a play party, have a great scene, take a nap back in your hotel room (or aftercare privately), change into your comfy pajamas – and then come back to sleepily watch scenes and absorb the sex-positive energy at the play parties until you want to head back up. (I may or may not do this a lot.)

Since most kink hotel takeovers also have more space available, there usually are multiple “types” of play parties going on. There may be a play party specifically with no music or fully lit rooms for more precise/dangerous play. (like a needle play room!) There may even be a play party with open areas for dancing and flow toys for those who like to escape into music.

All of this comes together to make it a great fit for introverts, in my opinion. You can come and go as you need, there’s less “pressure” on you as an individual to be social, and you can kinda poke your head into whatever catches your fancy.

However, as an introvert, I also find that these benefits can make it hard to really feel like I’m “fitting in” or really getting to know anyone. If no one “forces” me into conversation, I, uh, might avoid conversing. If that’s the case for you, I recommend my favorite trick: volunteering.

Volunteer to do a task with the hosting group. With an event this big, groups are almost always looking for volunteers. You can help them with setting up or taking down bondage equipment, ensuring non-attendees aren’t allowed into the event, running errands that the leaders need done, monitoring the dungeon, and more.

I find that this introduces me to a ton of different people, and I end up talking to them “in an official capacity” (alleviating the social drain, for me) during my duty. Then, when I’m outside of “volunteer time” later just enjoying the event, these people recognize me, and they’ll come over to chat. Since I know them a bit, it’s less awkward than a full stranger-on-stranger conversation, and I end up knowing a few faces by the end of the weekend!

Rinse and repeat if you have a great time. Next year, you end up with a small group of people you look forward to seeing. It’s a win-win!

What Am I Looking At, Cost-Wise?

The exact cost of your BDSM Hotel Takeover will vary based on the area you’re in, how long you stay, whether you split the cost with friends, if you have to park, if you have to fly, and how expensive the hotel is. In general, despite the cost savings of a budget hotel, you want the group to have chosen a good hotel; remember: all of your kinky activities will be taking place in that hotel’s spaces! “Paint peeling conference rooms” aren’t really the best vibe.

There are usually two specific fees for a BDSM hotel takeover event: the fee for the event and the room reservation fee.

The fee for the event is non-negotiable if you want to go. You have to pay admission to a BDSM hotel takeover – like any other event. This fee provides the finances the group needs to buy new equipment, provide snacks, provide safer sex equipment, compensate the presenters, and more. Almost every kink group putting on these events is barely breaking even, so I promise, they aren’t trying to fleece you here; it’s just expensive to rent out an entire hotel and fill it with the entertainment and supplies you want to enjoy yourselves! (Have you ever bought gallons of lube?)

You can expect the fee for the event to vary from $125 to $300 depending on what area of the country you’re in and what is provided. It’s possible for the fee to go over $300 – especially if multiple meals are provided or you’re looking at a convention longer than 3 or 4 days.

Separate from that is the hotel registration. In most cases, you’ll pay the hotel directly, just like a standard reservation. Many BDSM hotel takeovers have negotiated a group rate that’s cheaper than the usual rate – just like any other conference you’ve traveled for. (If you’re an anime or comic nerd, you’re very familiar with this set up)!

The cost of your hotel can vary widely. I’ve gone to kink conferences where it was $99 a night – and I’ve been to BDSM conferences where it was $249 a night. (I think $249 might be my highest, though!). It all depends on the rate that the group was able to negotiate and how nice the hotel is in the first place. After all, remember: the hotel is agreeing to special exceptions and closed off areas in exchange for the promise of a sold-out weekend.

In order to ensure the hotel doesn’t fill up with a bunch of people staying 1 night in the middle of BDSM hotel takeover, most groups will require a 2-night or 3-night stay if you want to be at the host hotel. This varies based on the event you’re attending.

If you’re going to a kink hotel takeover, ensure you book your hotel early! There are only so many hotel rooms to go around, and hotel rooms almost always sell out. Depending on your convention vs the available hotel rooms, they might be sold out within an hour of the tickets being released for the event. They’re a hot commodity!

All-in-all, if you travel solo and get a room at the host hotel, you may be looking at $600 to $1,500 if you drive in. You can help make this cheaper by splitting a room with a friend, staying a shorter timeframe at the host hotel, or simply staying off-site entirely if you can find an alternative housing arrangement that’s cheaper. Eating in can also dramatically cut costs (as most hotel takeovers take place in larger cities with higher restaurant costs).

Should I Stay at the Host Hotel?

Honestly, the magic of a BDSM hotel takeover is the “takeover” aspect. It’s like being teleported into a magical, sex-positive universe where everyone supports you and who you choose to be.

It’s, honestly, a magical environment.

It’s also really important to know how reserved hotel blocks work. The basic gist: the event promises to sell X number of hotel rooms. The hotel then marks those rooms off for the event. No other guest is able to book them. If the event doesn’t sell all of the rooms they agreed to, the event has to pay for all the rooms they didn’t sell out.

In addition, events are able to better negotiate the terms (both cost and what areas are available in the hotel) of the event based on how many rooms they can sell.

Basically, when you stay with the host hotel’s room block, you’re supporting the event in multiple ways and directly contributing to the event’s staying power.

Because of those two things, I really recommend staying at the host hotel if finances allow. This might involve splitting a room with someone staying at the host hotel to make it work.

If it’s a matter of trying to skim costs as best as possible, here are some things that may make it mentally “worth” the extra cash compared to alternative lodgings.

If you stay at the host hotel:

• You don’t have to find a place to park every day.
• You have a “home base” to crash at during the day. If not, you’ll have nowhere to freshen up from 8AM to 3AM (yes, you read that right) without driving back to your other hotel.
• You don’t have to lug all of the items you need with you every day of the event. If you’re staying sun up to the party’s end, this involves all of your costumes/outfits/toys.
• You’ll have a space for naps.
• You’ll have a space to change costumes/outfits.
• You’ll have an easy-access hotel room to bring back any potential play partners for private play instead of playing in the dungeon.
• Depending on the hotel takeover set-up, you won’t have to wear/pack an interim “outside appropriate” outfit when attending the event. You’ll just walk out of your hotel room exactly how you want to look! (This can be huge if you have a really complicated outfit or like to wear stripper-esque heels.)
• You’ll be supporting the event. As host hotel rooms almost always entirely sell out, this may not be a consideration point for you, but the event hosts need to “pay for” every room in the hotel takeover – even if they don’t get filled with an attendee. If they don’t sell all their rooms, you might not see this event around for much longer.

Part of the magic of a BDSM hotel takeover is being able to escape from the “real” universe we live in where dressing like a dog or chastity slave is a no-go. You really get the best version of that by staying in the host hotel.

It’s really the most immersive.

Only big thing to note: daily room cleanings may or may not be on the menu on the host hotel. Some kink events negotiate housekeeping while other events prefer to keep hotel staff in the conference to a bare minimum.

If you have housekeeping, PLEASE hide any obviously sexual/kinky things before leaving your room. The staff signed an NDA, but they probably still don’t want to clean around your used dildos. Just toss them into your luggage and throw a sweatshirt over them. Remember: we want them to think we’re an exemplary conference to host. That’s what keeps us getting invited back.

And remember to tip your housekeeper at the end of your stay.

If you don’t have housekeeping, you may be expected to swap out your own dirty towels with the front desk. And, y’know, pick up after yourself.

What About Hotel Amenities?

That’s the fun thing about a BDSM hotel event: the amenities may or may not be included within the kink space.

I’ve been to kinky hotel events where both the pool and the fitness room were “kink space”. That meant you could swim naked and workout naked (if you wanted). It made for some really unique experiences. Sex and bodily fluids in the pool waters were a big no-no, but having sex and scenes on the pool ledges were fine. ;)

I’ve also been to kinky hotel events where the hotel was a full takeover, but the pool was closed off and the fitness center was operating under normal, everyday, “clothing required” rules.

It all can depend on what the event negotiates with the hotel itself.

Hotel bars and restaurants, even if they’re in “kink space”, will usually require clothing and no sexual activity. Turns out, there are legal “food safety” rules. So you might be able to wear your collar and leash to dinner (if it’s in kink space), but you’ll have to have all of your bits safely covered to do so. You can eat your dinner off the floor, but you’d better make sure you’re wearing underwear to do it! ;)

If your kinky hotel event is only a partial hotel takeover, none of this will apply. Since there will be everyday hotel guests sharing the hotel with you, all amenities will need to be treated like non-kinky space.

What Is the Expected Behavior at a Hotel Takeover?

If you attend a kink hotel takeover, a lot of the “general” rules are the same as with your local kink events:

• Thoroughly read the rules before registering. Read them again close to the event and again when you arrive. Follow them. Every event is unique, so even if you’ve been to another kink convention, this one may have different rules. Especially if you enjoy sexual play, pay special attention to the rules. Just like play parties, penetration may not be on the table, so your love dolls may need to stay at home (or in the hotel room)!
• Keep the kink to the specific kink-friendly areas. Ensure you’re dressed for your grandmother when you leave any kink-dedicated space.
• This means all kink. If it isn’t appropriate in the middle of a mall filled with elementary kids, it’s not appropriate for public, non-kink areas of the hotel. No collars, leashes, pet play, sitting on the floor out of nowhere, sexual chat, and anything in that vein.
• Monitor your volume near non-kink spaces. A heavy spanking scene – or a conversation about your chastity sub’s orgasm schedule – shouldn’t be happening anywhere near where a non-attendee might hear. Blackout curtains do great at blocking out visuals – not so great with sound. So if you’re near the hotel lobby or having a smoke outside, ensure that even your conversation stays vanilla-appropriate.
• Dressing “Vanilla” doesn’t mean “not illegal”. “Vanilla” doesn’t mean covering the peen, vulva, and nips and calling it a day to walk into the lobby. It means dressing in a way that a grandmother you’re trying to impress would approve of. Make it a game to be as discreet and non-descript as possible coming and going from the location, and you’ll be doing well.
• Remember that hotel staff is still hotel staff – and NOT kinky. A bunch of kinky people are great at doing kinky things – but probably not keeping an entire hotel up and running. This means most hotels that host kink conventions have a skeleton crew of employees who agree to sign an NDA and continue to work the event. Treat them with serious respect – and leave tips. Keep weird, kink things to a minimum when hotel staff is around. We want them to think we’re way better to host than the boring work conferences they typically host.
• Keep your hotel room (and the event space) looking good. Clean up your water cups. Ensure you carry around a towel for your butt if you’re going to be sitting bare-ass on things. Don’t do weird shit with the chairs that might break them. Accidents happen (and in-a-hurry-me has probably left a water cup sitting on a table for someone else to clean up), but make it your intention to take care of a space, and those accidents will be fewer and far between.
• Obey the rules (and locations) for play. If blood play or omorashi is off the menu, it’s off the menu. If needle play or wax play needs to be done in a certain room, make sure you do it there. If other kinks need DM clearance to avoid harming the hotel’s space, make sure you let someone know. Some BDSM hotel takeovers will let you play anywhere within the hotel (like hallways); make sure you don’t hurt the furniture, carpet, or walls. Puppy pads (or medical “chucks”) can be a godsend here.
• Keep your identification/badge on you at all times. Make it clear and easy to see unless you’re mid-scene – and it should be laid out and easily visible near your gear during scenes. This helps staff and security easily do their job in keeping out people who shouldn’t be there. Don’t make it difficult on them; they have to scan thousands of badges.
• Hide your identification/badge when you’re not in the event. A bunch of people walking around wearing name badges will always catch attention. Help protect the privacy and safety of the event by hiding your badge as soon as you’re outside of the event space.
• The cell phone must be left in a pocket or purse. No part of it should be visible in the slightest. Most events prefer you leave it back in the hotel room, honestly, but most understand the need to keep it on you in case of home/work/childcare emergencies. Only look at it in the vanilla-appropriate spaces or a dedicated cell phone room. (A lot of people will also take time in their bathroom stall during pee breaks to do a quick phone check too.)

Breaking these rules makes you look bad and might get you banned.

But more importantly, it makes it harder for the kink hotel takeover to continue. Hotel chains don’t want to be known as “the place with the sex thing”, so if enough people act strangely in a way that makes them look bad, they’re going to refuse to host it.

Then bye-bye conference.

What are Common Rules at a BDSM Hotel Takeover?

Every BDSM hotel takeover is unique, and they each will have their own rules. However, there are some “general” rules you can expect no matter where you go.

• You must have your ID to get in. In most cases, your street address used at registration must also match the street address listed on your ID.
• You must wear your kink conference identification at all times. Most events will use a neck lanyard or a colored wristband. You must wear this at all times. It allows security to know that you’re supposed to be there, providing access to the event you paid for. Most kink conferences will allow you to remove it when you’re actively in a BDSM scene, but they want to see it laid nearby your scene area.
• A rule on sexual activity. Some kink conferences will allow sexual activity while others may allow sexual activity as long as penetration doesn’t happen. (Handjobs all you want, but blowjobs and intercourse are off the table). Some kink conferences do not allow any sexual activity at all. A few conferences allow penetration but barriers must be used even if you wouldn’t otherwise use them. The majority of conferences allow full sexual activity, including penetration, to your own risk tolerance. Make sure to check the rules for your specific conference to see where yours is at.
• A list of unallowed kink activities. Usually due to clean-up or local laws, most BDSM hotel takeovers have a short list of kinks that aren’t allowed. This usually will include things like watersports, brownsports, vomiting, blood play, needles, fireplay, breathplay, knife play, branding, or wax play. If you have a fringe kink or one of those kinks, double-check the list to make sure what you want to do is within the rules.
• No one outside of conference attendees are allowed within the “kink attendees only” areas. This means you are free to order food delivery, but it will be kept at the lobby or stopped by the safety checkpoints. You’ll need to go nab it yourself.
• You must dress discreetly and boringly outside of the “kink attendees only” areas. As soon as you leave the BDSM-conference space, you must be dressed discreetly.
• Photographs and videos are not allowed. The majority of kink conferences may kick you out if they see you using a cell phone inside the convention space. A few will allow cell phones, but taking photos or videos is grounds for removal.
• There will be no exchange of money for sex or goods. Paying for sex or kink at a convention is always a no-go. “Selling” physical goods is also a no-go unless you register (and pay) to be a vendor at the event. Vendor registration fees help subsidize the costs of the event, keeping your ticket prices low, and they don’t want random attendees undercutting that.

As always, however, make sure to thoroughly read the kinky hotel takeover’s rules before registering and attending.

How Do I Eat?

Luckily for all of us, almost all hotels have in-hotel restaurants, and most of the time, the restaurants are actually open. It’s usually with a limited menu and hours to reflect the skeleton staff, but hotels like making more money if they can. If you’re at an ultra-fancy hotel, they might even have multiple restaurants. (My absolute favorite still has to be the hotel coffee shop that was negotiated as a kink-friendly space. Seeing people in gimp outfits and in lingerie just trying to order a latte was top-tier memories for me!)

However, it’s no secret that hotel restaurants are expensive – and if you’re being budget-conscious, this is probably a no-go.

I have friends who like to pack a separate suitcase full of food and on-the-go appliances and cook simple and cheap food in their hotel room. While you probably can’t bring a microwave, you may have one in your room – and a lot of meals can be made with a kettle of boiling water too (which you can bring!) There are lots of travel bloggers who have hotel room meal ideas out there.

You may also choose to leave the host hotel for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If you’re in a big city downtown, this may involve simply walking out the front door.

As very few conferences can afford the cost of a downtown location, though, going outside of the hotel to eat will probably involve getting into your car, driving somewhere, and driving back to the hotel. Especially in urban areas, this drive time can really add up, so it’s only an option when you know you have a few hours to kill before the next activity you want to attend.

You can also make friends with some foodies. I have other friends who will give their foodie friend some cash and ask them to bring back a to-go food on their way back in. You’re at the whim of whatever the foodie friend is choosing to eat, though.

Most BDSM hotel takeovers allow you to get food delivered via a food delivery service. As the hotel’s lobby must always be public-appropriate, the delivery driver can deliver to the lobby. Ensure you’re entirely public-appropriate before you go pick it up, though and know that your meal won’t show up at your door.

For us, we try to strike a balance. My submissive is a foodie, so we’ll usually agree to go out to lunch at restaurants he wants to try. If there are near-lunch classes we really don’t want to miss, we’ll get food delivered in or might utilize our fridge to store a sub sandwich we bought yesterday from the grocery store.

Dinner is a toss-up between hotel options and delivery because we want to optimize our time to get ready for the evening’s play parties. On occasion, if all of the late afternoon’s classes don’t appeal to us, we’ll do an early 4PM dinner at a local restaurant with enough time to come back and get ready.

What Do I Pack for a Kink Hotel Takeover?

My standard packing list generally looks like this:

Clothing:

• Comfortable – but kink-friendly – clothing for daytime classes (this is the time to wear my kinky t-shirts with a hoodie to cover them for easy heading out of the hotel)
• All-out, sexy, extravagant kink outfits for dungeon play parties
• Lazy outfits for dungeon play parties
• “Vanilla”/normal clothing for driving there, driving back, and any restaurant outings I want
• Swimsuit if there’s a pool I want to use and that pool isn’t a kink-friendly space
• Workout clothes if I’m going to utilize the fitness area
• Any shoes I need including a pair of boring, comfortable shoes in case I hurt my feet with heels
• A coat/cover-up if I need to be discreet to get to the space
• Hangers if your outfits require being hung in a specific way in the hotel room
• Wristwatch (as cell phones aren’t allowed, this can be one of your ways to tell the time. I make so many friends purely by being the only person in the room with a watch.)
• Personal care items (deodorant, contacts*, eyeglasses*, make-up, hair stuff, etc.)

Play Items:

• Toys I need for scenes I already have planned
• Toys I would use for general pick-up play if I met someone
• Chargers for any rechargeable; it’s easy to blow through an hour-long battery life in a whole weekend
• Safer sex items and lube
• Anything I want to pleasure myself if I want to orgasm
• Aftercare supplies like blankets or snacks
• Storage methods I need to discreetly transport awkwardly-shaped toys like riding crops, custom sexdolls, or canes. (I have an entire article about how to travel with BDSM toys!)

Other Supplies:

• Cash and credit cards – there are usually vendors and silent auctions. Cash is better for all small businesses, so bring extra if you can. Don’t forget about small amounts for tipping bellmen or housekeeping.
• Resealable water bottles – most places provide water and regular cups, but it’s much easier to stay hydrated toting a bottle around.
• Analog ways to take notes – no cell phones here. You’ll want paper and pen/pencils.
• Snacks – you’ll probably get a bit peckish between meals as you’ll be moving a lot more than usual. Leaving the hotel just to grab a snack is annoying. Make sure you have some.
• Food – I tend to use restaurants and food delivery to meet my food needs, but making most of your meals in your hotel room will be much cheaper. Pack the food and appliances you need to make that happen.
• Any medical/first aid/emergency items you need – do you have a health condition that requires something in an emergency? Does your body tend to react a certain way to play?
• Analog ways to take note – I’m reiterating this one here. Even if you don’t take notes for classes (I usually don’t), remember that you won’t have a cell phone. If you meet an awesome person and try to exchange Fetlife names to friend each other, you’ll be entirely relying on your memory. Don’t do that to yourself. Pack a tiny notebook and pencil at a minimum. The frequent kinky flyers among us may even make small business cards to pass out with their social media names.
• Anything you need to sit through classes. Do you need a fidget toy? Do you need a coccyx supporting pillow? What helps you best focus when sitting and learning for hours at a time?
• Anything you need to be comfortable at play parties. Do you need ear plugs? Do sunglasses help you deal with flashing lights? Do you need a pillow and blanket to be comfortable to sit and watch scenes?
• Anything you need to be comfortable in a hotel room. Do you bring your own bedside fan? (I do) Do you need larger towels? Your own mug for brewing your in-room coffee? A power strip because you’re going to be charging so many vibrators? An HDMI cord to plug in your tablet for in-room porn viewing before play parties?
• Anything to fight off sickness. This is a conference with hundreds of people AND you’ll probably be eating junk food and running on very little sleep. “Con crud” has a name because so many people go home sick from conferences. Pack whatever you use to help boost your immune system to prevent getting sick. For me, this is hand sanitizer, my own hand soap that feels more effective than the often in-room bars of soap, face masks (I’ll wear during a class if I hear people coughing around me), daily gummies, Vitamin C supplements, Zinc, and lots of water. Double-check before you shove anything into your mouth during a con that you’ve washed your hands recently. Finger food snacks at midnight right after a scene can be a god-send, but how many things have you touched since you last washed your hands?

*I always bring my eyeglasses. Going hard all day – and the late hours of the dungeon – usually mean that I’m dehydrated enough that my contacts get dry, and I need to swap to glasses.

What Should I Leave at Home?

Unlike most of your local kink events, you actually can bring a camera to a kink hotel takeover – but it must stay in your hotel room.

As a photographer, this is one of my favorite aspects of kink conventions, honestly. It means that I can memorialize my partner and I’s outfits, bruises, and play from the privacy of our hotel room. It won’t be quite the same as pictures from the dungeon, but considering my usual ability to memorialize our outfits is near zero, this is a great option for me. Just make sure it stays in the hotel room.

(Protip! If you’re going to be taking hotel room photos, ensure all hotel logos and recognizable items are out of your pictures. Even if you don’t think you’ll put these photos online, you might change your mind in a decade – and it’ll matter then. Privacy is very treasured for kink conventions. Ensure you do your part. The first thing I’ll do when I get into my BDSM conference hotel room is put all of the logo’d items into a drawer (phone notepad, branded pens, food menus) and put the hotel phone underneath the bed. This hides almost all of it.)

Drugs and alcohol are also usually off-limits for most BDSM hotel takeovers as well. Even if the drug or alcohol is legal in the surrounding area, most groups do not like the additional concerns that they introduce in dungeons or classes.

Especially if you’re traveling to a far-away city, it can also be tempting to issue invitations to see friends or people you’ve met online. Do not bring them back to the hotel. If you want to take an extra day – or take time out during the kink convention itself – to see someone, make sure to meet them at an unrelated location. The hotel will not let them in without conference registration details.

You might also end up outing yourself if you bring someone to or near the hotel. In general, while at a kink hotel takeover, other attendees will assume you’re talking to someone who is also kinky if they see you in nearby non-kink spaces. While they might not walk up and say “Hey, how’s your big butt plug?” if they catch you at a local restaurant with someone new, they may come up and say “hi” which leaves you to explain how you know each other. This can be especially problematic if this kink person doesn’t take discretion seriously and may be wearing BDSM t-shirts or kink gear you need to explain to your non-kinky friend.

List of BDSM Hotel Takeovers

BDSM hotel takeovers sound amazing, right? Uh, yeah. They do.

Let me introduce you to a monthly-updated list of those I know about. I’m United States-based, so my list is biased toward the USA, but you can find a BDSM hotel takeover worldwide.

United States BDSM Hotel Takeovers

Arizona: Southwest Decadence
California: Desire (Women-only)
California: DomCon
California: Leather Thanksgiving (Leather-focused)
California: Surrender
Colorado: Colorado Leather Fest (Leather focused)
Colorado: Guild of Deviated Standards (G.O.D.S.)
Colorado: Unabashed Con (Queer focused. Not a full hotel takeover.)
Colorado: Puppies in the Mountains (Puppy play focused)
Connecticut: Tethered Together (Primarily rope focused)
Florida: Beyond Leather
Florida: FetishCon
Florida: Fetish Factory Weekend
Florida: Florida Power Exchange (Relationship dynamic focused)
Georgia: Frolicon
Georgia: Leather Leadership Conference (Focused on leadership/group betterment in kink spaces)
Georgia: Southeast Leather Fest (Leather-focused)
Georgia: GASP (Spanking focused)
Illinois: International Mr. Leather (Leather-focused)
Illinois: Kinky Kollege
Illinois: Rope Craft (Rope bondage focused)
Indiana: Intrigue IMAS Indy
Louisiana: Naughty Nawlins
Maryland: Bootblack Round-Up (Bootblack focused)
Maryland: Charmed (Hypnosis focused)
Maryland: Naughty Nightmare
Massachusetts: Snowbound Leather (Leather focused)
Minnesota: CAPCon (ABDL focused)
Minnesota: Naughty Revival
Missouri: Exploration Into Kink
Nevada: Smokeout (Focused on cigar/cigarette smoking. May be men only.)
New Jersey: TES Fest
New Jersey: CrucibleCon
New Mexico: Leather Fiesta (Leather focused)
Ohio: CURE
Ohio: CLAW (Leather-focused)
Oklahoma: ScissorTail (Leather focused)
Oregon: Kinkfest
Pennsylvania: Naughty Noel
Pennsylvania: Naughty Gras
Pennsylvania: Naughty Knowledge
Texas: Beyond Vanilla
Texas: Bondage Expo Dallas
Texas: Esprit de Corps (Men-only, Leather-focused)
Texas: Lone Star Spanking Party (Spanking/impact play focused)
Texas: South Plains Leatherfest (Leather focused)
Washington: Leather Reign (Leather focused)
Washington DC: Master/Slave Conference (Focused on M/s dynamics)
Washington DC: Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend (Leather focused)
Washington DC: Winter Fire

Jamaica Hotel Takeovers

Jamaica: Swinkathon (Swinging + Kink at a Nudist Resort)
Jamaica: Kinky Caribbean (Kink + rope bondage at a Nudist Resort)

Canada BDSM Hotel Takeovers

Canada: Montreal Fetish Weekend
Canada: TOMKAT Campout (ABDL focused)
Canada: Vancouver Fetish Weekend

Germany BDSM Hotel Takeovers

Germany: BoundCon
Germany: Eurix (Rope bondage focused)

Mexico BDSM Hotel Takeovers

Mexico: Domme Trips (resort-style vacation getaway)

What If I Like Camping?

You’re in luck! (And I’m jealous. I wish I enjoyed it)

Some kink groups take this exact, hotel-takeover premise and port it over to full campground takeovers! Instead of taking place in a hotel, these events are outdoors, where cabin, tent, and RV sleeping are the norm.

Expect the cost to be similar (if not more) because the group will probably provide all of your meals while you’re there. It’s just not logistically feasible for everyone to get into their car to go out for a lunch hour in a campground.

However, kinksters with messier kinks may fall in love with campground takeovers as the lack of floors and walls makes it easier to play without concern! If you’re someone who can feel uncomfortable in tight indoor spaces, the “wide open” outdoors might be a helpful interim between activities for you too. (In most campground takeovers, classes and play parties are still held within indoor event halls. Can’t have the expensive kink furniture getting rained on!)

Look into Camp Crucible, Primal Arts Fest, Summer WoW, Boundless, Camp Thornwood, Summer Camp, Beltane, Fusion, SlagMen (Men Only), or Twisted Tryst if this really has your attention.

Updated: March 2026, February 2026, January 2026, December 2025, November 2025, October 2025, September 2025, August 2025, July 2025, June 2025, May 2025, April 2025, March 2025, February 2025, January 2025, December 2024, October 2024, September 2024, August 2024, July 2024, June 2024, May 2024, March 2024, January 2024, October 2023, September 2023, July 2023, June 2023, April 2023, March 2023.