Have you heard of a spreader bar? If not, you might not know how to use a spreader bar for sex – or for anything! Let me let you in on a little secret, though: spreader bars are surprisingly simple to use, and they can be the perfect addition to your bondage – regardless of your experience level. Not only are they portable, but they also seem much more advanced than they are. You can make any scene feel kinkier just by adding a spreader bar (and it takes very little extra effort on your part!)
What is a Spreader Bar?
A spreader bar is exactly what it sounds like: it’s a bar that spreads apart two points.
I know, I know, that definition is a little too basic, right?
But spreader bars really can be made in a variety of different designs. The only thing that really distinguishes them as a category is that they are a long, stick-like object that offers at least two bondage points. These two bondage points can then be connected to the two objects/limbs you want to spread apart.
The length can vary too. A spreader bar can be 6 inches, or it can be 4 feet. Some spreader bars even offer an adjustable length design to let you decide how long you want your spreader bar to be for any given kinky idea.
While a spreader bar needs to have at least two bondage points (or it wouldn’t be able to spread apart those two objects/limbs), some spreader bars offer four bondage points. This allows you to attach two ankles and two wrists to the same spreader bar for full immobilization.
Below, a spreader bar with two bondage points (the Liebe Seele Black Organosilicon Spreader Bar):
And this spreader bar from Fetdom offers four bondage points:
Some spreader bars break into pieces for easy storage or portability. Other spreader bars are a single solid piece of metal for added durability and strength for rough play.
An old spreader bar of mine that breaks into multiple pieces:
As you’re learning how to use a spreader bar, you’ll find that some spreader bars come with their own cuffs. Other spreader bars will require you to purchase/BYOC (bring your own cuffs).
Essentially, as the popularity of spreader bars for sex has grown, so has the market and available spreader bar features. You’ll likely find something that meshes up with what you want in a scene.
What You Need to Use a Spreader Bar for Sex
Surprisingly enough, learning how to use a spreader bar for sex is actually simple. I’d say that it’s actually one of the easiest pieces of BDSM gear to learn. It simply is a large stick that needs to be connected to some limbs.
You only need a few items to get started:
- Your spreader bar
- Cuffs (if your spreader bar doesn’t have them built in)
- A way to connect the cuffs to the spreader bar
You can connect the cuffs to the spreader bar in any way you see fit. Common choices include padlocks or double-sided clamps. Honestly, though, you can get as creative as you want. If you have yarn sitting around the house you’ve been meaning to use, you can tie the cuffs to the spreader bar and simply cut off the yarn when you’re done. You just need a way to connect the pieces together.
In this How to Use a Spreader Bar for Sex tutorial, we’re using double-sided clamps since neither the cuffs or the spreader bar came with built-in clamps.
How to Use a Spreader Bar for Sex
Now that you’ve gathered everything you need, let’s walk through how to put it all together:
Have Your Partner Get Into Position. When you’re first learning how to use a spreader bar for sex, it’s not the time to try to wrangle your partner into the position while simultaneously trying to learn how to use a spreader bar.
I promise: trying to do both will end in someone getting accidentally whacked in the face with the spreader bar. Especially as you’re learning, simply ask your partner to assume the position as a willing, stationary participant in this process.
Put the Cuffs on Your Partner. Your spreader bar needs something to attach to. While some spreader bars have built-in cuffs, most spreader bars are BYOC (bring your own cuffs). This means that the first step in the process is placing cuffs on your partner. Doing it now, before you’re trying to hold the spreader bar at the same time, is so much easier than doing it with your hands full. Trust me.
Place as many cuffs on your partner as you plan on using. In our example images, we’re going to restrain our partner’s ankles and wrists, so we place cuffs on both ankles and wrists before continuing.
Get the Spreader Bar in Position and Adjust your Partner: Now that the cuffs are already on your partner, it’s time to add the spreader bar. Since your partner’s initial limb spread was just a guess, now’s the time to place the spreader bar near their limbs and gently push apart (or pull together!) their limbs to the perfect spread for your spreader bar.
If you have an adjustable spreader bar, this may be the time when you lengthen or shorten the spreader bar to meet your partner’s limbs where they’re at. It’s all about the scene you have planned!
Connect the One Cuff to the Spreader Bar: Now that the spreader bar is in place, use one hand to support the spreader bar while you use the other hand to connect the spreader bar to one of your partner’s cuffs.
You may need to rest your spreader bar on the surface beneath you or tuck the bar underneath your armpit to “support” it while you fasten your partner to the spreader bar. If you use a padlock, for example, you may need both of your hands in order to swing the padlock and lock it.
If you use a locking fastener, place the keys nearby in a place that is easy to access and where the keys won’t slide off. Ideally, this area should be accessible to the bound partner in case of emergency.
Connect the Remaining Cuff: This is where things get downright easy. Now that one side of the spreader bar is nicely supported by your partner’s limb, you simply have to attach the other side of the spreader bar to the remaining limb. This may include some micro-adjustments to your partner’s spread to make all of the pieces line up correctly.
You’ve learned how to use a spreader bar for sex. Told you it wasn’t too complicated.
The Big Risk Factor!
One big caution: If your partner is unable to spread their limbs far enough to accommodate the spreader bar, do not force them! You can do a lot of damage by pushing your partner’s limbs beyond their comfortable spread and forcing their body to hold it there with the spreader bar. If your scene will further add weight on top of these stressed limbs, you have a very, very potent mixture that can easily lead to injury.
If your partner’s limbs do not spread far enough to accommodate the spreader bar, consider making some adjustments to your scene instead of stressing their body. Some easy adjustments:
- Spread different body parts that are more flexible. If your partner’s ankles won’t spread far enough apart, consider doing the wrists instead. Most people’s armspan is comfortably wider than their middle split.
- Move the cuffs further down the limb. Using a spreader bar between the thighs can require a wide spread. If you move that same spreader bar to the ankles, though, more people will be able to comfortably use it, and you still spread the legs apart like you originally intended!
- Adjust your adjustable spreader bar. If you have an adjustable spreader bar, simply make it shorter. That’s the benefit of having an adjustable one!
- Use interior attachment points. If your spreader bar has interior attachment points to allow you to bind 3 or 4 different limbs, consider using those. For example, you can utilize one of the spreader bar points at the tip and one of the interior ones, essentially “shortening” the spreader bar down to a narrower length.
If you have a spreader bar with only two bondage points and it doesn’t fit with your plans, change your plans.Injuring your partner isn’t worth a single scene. Consider it an excuse to create a BDSM training plan for yoga and stretching to make sure their body is ready for this spreader bar in the future.
(Optional) Add More Bondage
If your spreader bar has space for even more bondage points, you can take advantage of that!
Ensure your partner is comfortable and stable with the position they’re already in, then simply repeat the process with any additional limbs. In the example image, you can see that my partner’s ankles are already bound to the spreader bar, but we’re having her reach between her legs to fasten wrist cuffs onto the spreader bar at the same time.
Your bondage can also get more elaborate. For example, this could be when you restrain the spreader bar to the ceiling, wall, or floor to keep your partner in place. You could also add a tether between a collar and the spreader bar to force your partner into a “hunched over” position.
It’s really all about whatever kinky things you had in mind!
When You’re Done with Your Spreader Bar for Sex
When you’re done using your spreader bar, removing your partner is just as simple.
Support the spreader bar somehow (under your armpit, resting it on the floor, etc.) as you remove one of the cuffs. Remember, you’ll instantly be responsible for supporting the weight of the spreader bar as soon as you remove the cuff, so be prepared!
Once you have the single limb unhooked, support the spreader bar, ignoring the second limb for a second, while you ensure your partner is able to comfortably move their limb back into a natural, unstretched position. Once you confirm that’s the case, you can go ahead and focus on the second limb, removing it from the spreader bar.
As spreader bars usually involve widely spread limbs, I encourage the bound partner, at their own pace and under their own strength, to slowly bring their limbs back into a natural position. Suddenly dropping an arm back to the bound partner’s side can be jarring, unpleasant, and cramp-inducing.
Depending on how deep the stretch was, after the bottom has moved the limb under their own power for awhile, a bit of gentle massage at the limb’s base can feel really, really fantastic for aftercare.
Creative Uses for Spreader Bars
Service Scenes: Enjoy the idea of your partner becoming your personal, clad-in-bondage butler? Use a spreader bar between someone’s wrists (like the position shown here) to give them free rein to walk and move around. At the same time, the hand position the spreader bar provides will force them to kneel and bend in order to serve and present anything during their service scene. This can be a very hot look, perfect for cocktail service (though probably not for chauffeur service)!
Spreader Bar + Collar and Leash: A collar and leash go together with a spreader bar like peanut butter and jelly. Put someone’s wrists into the spreader bar – and then lead them around your home with a leash attached to their collar. This can feel very subservient and vulnerable, so ensure you have the negotiated information to ensure everyone will enjoy this style of play.
Spreader Bar Attached to a Hard Point: You can use a spreader bar like an impromptu, rigid “leash”. Attach one end of the spreader bar to your partner’s limb, like usual, while simultaneously attaching the other end of the spreader bar to a hard point around your home. For example, if the other end of the spreader bar is attached to the foot of the bed, your bound partner will be forced to stand within a 2-foot radius of the foot of the bed.
Spreader Bar with Heels: If you want to harness some feminine energy with your scene, spreader bars can look really hot with high heels. Just make sure you take your lover’s safety seriously. If someone is teetering on spread limbs with tiny stilletos, it can be easy to lose your balance. Make sure the person is near a wall for balance or able to fall safely onto a soft bed. Ideally, use a hard point on your ceiling with a chest harness to “bind” your lover’s chest to the ceiling. With the ceiling keeping them upright, it will be difficult for them to fall down (but a twisted ankle can still happen!)
Spreader Bar as a Splint: Don’t want your partner to be able to bend a limb? Place the spreader bar length-wise alongside their limb, and use saran wrap to wrap the spreader bar against the limb. With enough saran wrap bondage wraps, they won’t be able to bend their limb.
Intercourse: Obviously, if you’re here to learn about how to use a spreader bar for sex, you might have intercourse in mind. Spreader bars can definitely work fantastically for intercourse. This spreader bar sex position article from Kinkly provides visual examples of some creative positions that work seamlessly with a spreader bar.
Read Other BDSM How To Articles
Looking to explore some of the other cool things you can do with bondage, sensation play, and impact play? Let me walk you through some of the basics with these other articles:
- 8 Hot Sex Positions That are Better with a Spreader Bar
- BDSM Advice Series: How to Use Bondage Tape
- BDSM Advice Series: Everything You Need to Know about BDSM Gags
- BDSM Advice Series: Riding Crop for BDSM
- BDSM Advice Articles
- Femdom Advice Articles
