As kink and sex gets more mainstream, people who have been together for a long time are finding themselves with new sexual options to try – things they may have never thought about before. One of those “rarely-talked-about” kinks is certainly the strapon fetish. Using a harness to strap a dildo onto somewhere on the body (typically on the hips where the biological penis may be located), a penis-owner or a vagina-owner can have their very own dildo strapped onto their body for a partner to “ride”! Strap-ons can be fantastic for bedroom use for a myriad of reasons. Pegging is a pretty popular one (a vagina-owning individual using the strap-on to anally penetrate a penis-owning individual). Strap-ons can also be fantastic for freeing up the hands for self-pleasure and mutual satisfaction – or providing an “always ready” option for those who don’t want to rely on a biological penis. And that’s just a few of the ways that strap-ons are awesome!
Interested in strap-on sex – pegging or otherwise? Consider these five beginner tips for strap-on sex.
Use a Lot of Lube
Playing with strap-on dildos is always fun, but it should never be done without lube. Even when playing vaginally, adding some lube to your strap-on is a fantastic idea. A lot of sex toy materials don’t “glide” alongside vaginal lubrication alone like a human penis can. Adding that extra bit of sex lube makes things slide better – and makes them overall more pleasurable. With the cheap cost of lube and the added pleasure it can bring, why not use lube?
Don’t Get the Cheapest Dildo and Harness
So, it’s really tempting to get the cheapest harness and dildo set you can find. Honestly, I get it. You’re new to the activity, have no idea if you’ll like it, and even so, the cheapest kits run around $90 – which is a decent chunk for an activity you don’t know if you’ll like! With that in mind, get the kit if that’s all you can afford – or want to afford. That being said, know there are limitations for a kit like that. For one, the harness may not fit comfortably – and it might dig into the skin. The dildo may not have a great base – and you might not like the look of it. I only mention this so you can keep your expectations reasonable. Strap-on sex with the cheapest kit possible may not be the most streamlined, pleasurable experience. It might be frustrating at times. I don’t want you to let the frustration of a budget kit keep you from pegging. If the frustration is getting in the way of an otherwise-pleasant sexual activity, you might want to start looking at your equipment – and not blame the activity itself.
Ideally, when you have the expendable cash, you’ll want to look into purchasing a dildo and harness separately. Find a harness that you love and fits your body AND a dildo that you love the look of, fits your partner well, and pleasures you too. While dropping the $250 required for that kit may not be reasonable at first, it’s something you should consider once you’ve determined pegging is for you.
Be Gentle with Your Lover
Since we mentioned safety, it’s also very important to know that you can hurt your partner with the dildo if you are not careful enough. While pegging and anal use are the regular focuses of “what could cause pain during strap-on sex”, vaginal sex is just as likely. Remember, you don’t have any physical sensation at the tip of a dildo – unlike a biological, attached-to-human penis. It’s not ideal, but it is what it is. This means it’s much easier to push in too far or push in too quickly. You can’t, necessarily, feel the resistance through the dildo. This means open communication with your partner is downright vital when using a strap-on. Ask them to tell you if they experience any pain – or want you to adjust your thrusting speed or depth. And as always, start off gentle and then move into a jackhammer master if that’s what you’re going for.
Don’t Be Hasty When Putting on The Harness and the Dildo
When it comes to sex, people are usually not that patient. They want to penetrate their lover as soon as possible. This kind of hastiness is not recommended when you are enjoying strap-on sex with your lover. If you want to have successful strap-on sex, you have to put on the harness and the dildo properly. This takes time, of course, but if you don’t do it the right way, there is a good chance things might suck a bit more. A mispositioned dildo can get decently painful for the wearer – or a too-loose or too-tight strap is going to reduce your enjoyment of the strap-on sex session. If you know you’re prone to hurrying into your harness, consider putting on your strap-on harness and dildo before you start foreplay. You’ll be ready to go at a moment’s notice – and less likely to let your sex drive hurry you through the process.
Clean Your Equipment after Sex
As we already said, high-quality equipment is very expensive, so if you want it to last, you have to clean it after every use. Bodily fluids, butt stuff, and lube can build up on harnesses without cleaning, and I promise, it isn’t pretty. Along with that, make sure to give that dildo a nice, thorough cleaning after use – whether you used it vaginally or anally. Bacteria like to hang out on sex toys after use, and you don’t want to deal with that on your next use. Whether cleaning your strap-on harness or your dildo, make sure to follow cleaning procedures for that item. My favorite harnesses, the Spareparts Hardware harnesses, can just be tossed into the washing machine – which is a god-send for my lazy, after-orgasm self. Leather and vinyl ones will not appreciate the same treatment.
(Want more advice? Don’t forget that I have an entire section on Pegging advice! While not applicable to all aspects of strap-on sex, pegging uses a lot of the same tips and suggestions!)
