BDSM Advice Series: Gags

April 19th, 10   •   Posted by Mistress Kay   •   17 Comments

Why would you use a gag?

Gags increase sensual feelings during play. If you have a partner who enjoys being the submissive one, a gag can further enhance that feeling. Since your partner won’t be able to talk, they’ve lost their most basic sense of communication – and protection. Many people tend to find that kind of feeling to be erotic. Gags also do force the body into a position that it isn’t used to being in – that feeling of helplessness and vulnerability can feel sexual as well. From a top’s point of view, many tops enjoy seeing their partner in a gag or enjoy cutting off their partner’s ability to speak. However, even with this fun, sexual object, there are some issues you should consider before purchasing and owning a BDSM gag.

Safety

Gags require a different kind of safety compared to other toys. While most other toys require communication, this will require more communication than most. Because the gags will cut off your partner’s ability to talk and use their safeword, you have to find other ways to communicate. Gags also tend to stretch the jaw in ways that the human body isn’t used to.

Jor in a ball gag.

Before approaching gags, you both should sit down and talk about them. Gagging can bring a type of vulnerability that many women and men aren’t very used to. The vulnerability can scare and confuse some people, so make sure you’ve spoken in advanced about the idea of using a gag – especially a traditional gag. During your discussion, talk about an alternative safe word. I recommend having your “victim” hold some keys or hold an easy-to-squeak dog toy. If they feel like they want the play to stop or want you to check in, they can jingle or drop the keys or they can squeeze the dog toy and make it squeak. Make sure that, if your partner does use their “new” safe word, you obey it. Breaking trust by ignoring it is not the way to become a responsible player nor a responsible partner.

To avoid hurting the jaw too badly, you need to talk to your partner about what types of jaw injuries they’ve had. As a general rule, as you age, your jaw becomes less resilient to playing with the muscles of your mouth and jaw. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t discuss this with your partner. If they have jaw problems, you don’t have to avoid playing with gags – you just have to modify it a bit. However, if they don’t have any jaw problems that they know of, you can proceed with most traditional gags – you just have to be careful.

A gag should never be worn for more than twenty minutes or so if you are dealing with a beginner. The jaw muscles can fatigue very quickly, so let your partner know that. They don’t have to feel like they have to keep it in for ages for it to be fun for the both of you. As soon as it gets painful to take, they should let you know so it can be removed. As you both get more experienced with gags, you can begin to wear them for longer periods of time. Still, everything in moderation. Using gags too often could actually injure your jaw.

When it comes to using gags, there’s a couple things you should be aware of: For one, for the wearer, if they are new, it will probably hurt slightly or make your jaw feel sore. However, if it gets untolerable or spiked, it should be removed. For two, if the gag is worn long enough, it will make your jaw sore. For three, wearing a gag will cause uncontrollable drooling from most wearers. Of course, it depends on what type of gag it is, but for most traditional gags, it will cause the drooling. Let the wearer know of this before you put it on. Some people find it humiliatingly hot, and others will just find it humiliating and will want it out.

Another big point of using gags: They will impact your ability to breathe. If your “captive” is having allergies, a cold, the flu, or any problem breathing, save the gags for another day. It will make it a lot more difficult for them to breathe.

Types/Considerations when Purchasing
Homemade Gags

Gags come in a couple different types. It really depends on what kind of gagged play that you want to do as to what type you should consider. Of course, we start off with the basic types of gags you can find in your own house – scarves, socks, underwear, belts, etc. Basically anything you can think of can end up being a gag. However, there are some safety and enjoyment issues with these. Make sure it is something that can be tied around the head to keep the gag from escaping into the throat. It’s rare, but things like socks or underwear could slowly go back into the throat and cause actual gagging or choking. To play on the safe side, make sure it’s something that could be tied around the head to keep it from going down the throat.

This may require modifying your current “home-made” gags. It’s really easy. If you’ve been using underwear or socks, just put a string through it and tie it tightly around the back of the head to make sure it doesn’t escape down the throat. However, to avoid all of that, I recommend just using scarves instead. Scarves can be tied around the back of the head, and if you want a specific one to act as a gag, you can find them for $5 at your local Wal-mart.

Scarves and other homemade gags have some redeeming features. For one, you can toss these straight into the washing machine, and it’ll clean them straight up. For two, they’re inexpensive and can be used anywhere without arousing suspicion. For three, scarves work great for those with any sort of jaw injury because it’s soft enough to adjust to your captive’s mouth comfortable. For four, many homemade gags are made from a soft material, and if any drooling were to occur, the material would soak it up.

Homemade gags do have some downsides though. For a lot of people, they just don’t provide the same mental feeling as being gagged with other made-for-gagging toys. Homemade gags can also be a little dangerous if used incorrectly.

When purchasing an item to act as a gag, remember some things. For one, feel the material and make sure it’s something soft and mouth-friendly. You don’t want anything itchy at your captive’s mouth and distracting them. The material should also be long enough to be tied around your captive’s head. If you want to get really advanced, try tying a knot in it and make sure the knot can be undone easily.

Ball Gag

Another type of popular gag is the ball gag. Many couples will experiment with the ball gag, and it’s actually a fun one to start with. A ball gag is a gag made specifically for gagging and usually includes a ball of some sort on a piece of some sort of fabric. The ball is slipped into your captive’s mouth then you fasten the straps around the captive’s head to get the gag to stay in place.

Image from edenfantasys.com. This product can be purchased here.

There are some good things about ball gags. For one, they provide a very “fulfilling” feeling for the person who is wearing it. They fill up the mouth really nicely, and if wearing one, many people will feel very vulnerable and won’t be able to speak. The person wearing the gag may feel more submissive than usual. For two, many people find the look of ball gags to be the most attractive to them. For three, different varieties of the ball gag are more available than other varieties of other gags.

On the downside, ball gags can be pretty rough on the jaw. Because of their large size and shape, many people’s jaws will tire out quickly from wearing it compared to other gags. Depending on the person’s preference, ball gags also usually cause lots of drooling. This could be a plus or a minus.

While ball gags are sold in many different forms, and you can probably find one for really cheap, you should avoid those cheap ones. There are two different concerns that are really major when it comes to buying ball gag – the material of the ball gag and the size of the ball gag.  Of course, you can always worry about some of the fun attachments (like dildos attached to the gag, holes included in the gag for easy breathing, or the ball is removable for easy cleaning), but it’s best to focus on those two aspects.

The ball gag size is usually a huge aspect of it. The boyfriend/submissive and I went through a lot of different ball gags just trying to find one that would work well with his mouth. The problem is: A lot of gags don’t mention what size the ball in the gag is. Many beginners will find that a lot of the “beginner” ball gags are way too large. Keeping in mind the size is something that a lot of people will want to consider – many males included as well. Males can tend to take larger gag sizes, but it really depends on the person – and you won’t know until you try. It’s better to find something smaller than you need than something larger though. Most people will enjoy using a 1 inch to 1.5 inch gag depending on their gender and experience. If you think they need smaller, go smaller.

Another thing to consider is the material of the gag. Many gags are made from plastic, rubber, or another firm or dangerous material. This can be a problem for a couple reasons. For one, the gags that are made from harder materials are bad for your teeth. If you end up in the throes of pleasure and bite down, it could chip a tooth or something worse. Plastic was never meant to sit in your mouth and hold your teeth open. Plus, no plastic has any sort of give to make it comfortable to keep in your mouth. Plus, many of the cheaper materials like plastic or rubber can have dangerous chemicals or a crappy smell in it. Since your mouth is pretty close to your nose, you want to avoid using anything that might have an annoying scent to it.

This means that, instead of taking the cheaper option (even just to try it out), purchase a high-quality silicone ball gag in a decent sized-ball. It won’t run you much more than a cheaper option, and you know it will be a better experience. If possible, before purchasing, read the reviews of the product to make sure it has exactly what you want from it. If you want my recommendation, I completely recommend this: Aslan Silicone Ball Gag. It’s made by a reputable company, is a pretty decent price, is made from scent-free silicone, is a really nice sized ball (1.5 inches), and has gorgeous, supple leather straps. It’s the one Jor and I use on a regular basis.

Bit Gag

The bit gag has a little bit of a different history. It was originally made to be used with a pony play outfit. The bit gag is the same as a ball gag, but instead of a ball on the piece of fabric, it will include a long piece of a material (usually rubber) as the gag itself. It closely will resemble the bit gags that we use for controlling horses, and many bit gags will include large O rings on either side of the gag itself to attach reins to in the case of pony play.

Image from EdenFantasys.com. Silicone Bit Gag can be purchased here.

There are a couple positives for a bit gag. For one, the visible appearance of the gag lends itself well to pony play. For another, the large O-rings will allow for reins to be attached to the gag itself (and used GENTLY). For third, many bit gags are actually quiet friendly on the jaw. Bit gags also tend to be the most friendly to jaws except for a scarf. If you have someone has has jaw problems, a bit gag is a way to go. Bit gags also don’t tend to leave the jaw quite as sore as a ball gag would. A bit gag doesn’t open the mouth widely – it just pushes the lips apart through the corners. Bit gags also don’t impact the breathing as roughly as a ball gag would – they tend to allow easier breathing. Many people find bit gags to include a lot less drooling as well.

On the downside, many bit gags can tend to put a lot of pressure on the inner cheeks – whether by the O-rings or the actual gag itself. Bit gags also tend to come in less variety of materials or extra features. Many couples don’t find the appearance of a bit gag to be as sexy as the appearance of wearing a ball gag either.

Something to consider when purchasing a bit gag is the material of the bit gag itself as well as the structure of the gag. You want a body-friendly material that doesn’t smell. While I can’t think of a single silicone bit gag that’s made of plastic, you still may want to avoid the rubber ones to avoid the smell. Most silicone bit gags I know of are made from rubber, silicone, or leather. Paying attention the reviews of the gag is important when it comes to a bit gag. The biggest problem with a bit gag is finding out that the O-rings or the material of the strap will cut into your skin. You want to be assured that you don’t feel pain when wearing your gag – it’s distracting and well, painful.

Finding a body-safe material like fabric or silicone is important for the gag itself while taking into account the structure of the gag. In my experience, I have to recommend this silicone bit gag. We own it, and the silicone is scent-free and easy to clean, the O-rings hold up nicely, and the entire thing is very durable and comfortable to wear.

O-ring Gag – Spider Gag

An O-ring gag, or otherwise known as a spider gag, is a metal circle, attached to a strap of fabric, that is slipped behind the teeth to hold the mouth open. Many submissives who will be pleasing a male orally choose this type of gag – although it really depends on how large the O-ring on the gag is.

The positives to this gag are that it holds the mouth open to keep it in a position to give oral sex. This gag also will produce most drooling than the other types of gags.

On the downside, this gag is much harder to find than the other varieties. This gag also has less options to choose from  it’s mostly just a metal ring and that’s it. When it comes to oral sex, many of the rings that are tolerable to wear won’t fit a penis through it. The metal of the ring itself can also tend to lead to a sore inner mouth after wearing it for an extended period of time. This gag will hold the corners of the mouth open and may tend to harm someone who has a jaw injury or isn’t used to wearing gags.

When purchasing, make sure you purchase something of high quality. These gags weren’t meant to be cheap, so don’t purchase a cheap one. You don’t want the O-ring of the gag coming off from the straps and possibly causing a choking hazard. When putting these on, you also will want to be extremely careful. Since they are only made of metal (from what I’ve seen), a mishap with the placement could cost your subbie a tooth. If you want to be safe, I recommend having a silicone-one custom-made or at least wrapping the metal of your O-ring with a softer fabric to help decrease the chances of a problem. This isn’t really a beginner gag, so I recommend you start with the other gags before you approach this one.

Other varieties of mouth gags

Other varieties of mouth gags include the Jennings Mouth Gag and all sorts of different medical supply gags. Since I don’t have any experience with them, I don’t feel it’s my place to include any information or buying tips on them. However, just know that they do exist out there.

How-To

Putting a gag on a person is pretty easy depending on what type of gag it is. Of course, the most safety needs to be taken with an O-gag or the more exotic gags, but for the most part, it’s extremely easy to do.

1. Make sure you have had communication about the idea of using a gag. You should have worked out your safe word, and both of you should know exactly what it is. You should have talked about your partner’s jaw problems and if they feel sick or have a stuffy nose, you should wait for another day to attempt this.

2. Choose the type of gag you will be using. Remember to consider your partner’s preferences when deciding what gag will be used. Also consider if your partner is sore from the last time you used a gag.

3. It works best to have your submissive hold the gag in their mouth while you strap on the straps. This having been said, there’s different ways to put a gag in. Obviously, the bit gag is the easiest. Your partner just holds the bit gag in their mouth like they would any other object. The ball gag is harder. Depending on the size, it may be a little bit difficult to get the ball in. It will take a little bit of pressure, but don’t force it too much. Ball gags are supposed to sit right behind the teeth themselves, so you will have to pop the ball behind the teeth. Have your subbie sit with their mouth open and warn them they feel some pressure, but if it becomes lots of pain to let you know. Positive the ball in front of their teeth and push it back behind their teeth. If they experience pain, the ball you’ve chosen is too large. (For a beginner. Advanced users will know their limits a bit more.) An O-ring requires sliding the O-ring sideways horizontally into the mouth, and then moving it vertically so it will sit vertically right behind the teeth – keeping the mouth open.

4. From here, instruct your partner to hold the gag in their mouth. You can go behind them and pull the straps behind their head to strap the gag on. If this is a beginner, make it tight but allow yourself to be able to squeeze a finger in behind the band of the strap itself. If it doubt, ask your partner. A proper fitting gag should not be able to be squirmed out of or spit out. In the beginning, it’s okay to leave it loose though. You want your partner to feel some sense of safety with the first couple times. Otherwise, tighten it up to where they can’t. A bit gag should push back into the corners of the mouth to hold the mouth open. A ball gag’s straps should push into the corners of the mouth, and the ball should stay in the mouth. An o-ring gag’s straps should keep it tightly in the mouth too.

The biggest part of tightening the straps is just to communicate with your partner. You don’t want them to be in pain because it’s too tight. As a sidenote, I’m fully against using locking straps on gags unless you are highly experienced. A locking clasp is one that includes a little circle on the end of it so you can slide a lock into the clasp. Once locked, you can’t get the gag off without the key to the lock. While this may be erotic, it also will cause a problem if your captive beings to feel panic or fear. If you are okay with cutting the straps to your new gag, then this is fine, but for the safety of your gag, just skip the locking for now (and preferably, forever.). You want to be able to get them out as quickly as possible in case of an emergency – especially if this is still new to the both of you.

5. Have fun with the gag in. I find it amusing to ask them questions that I know they’d want to answer (“Do you want to touch me?”, etc.) and take their lack of ability to speak as a no. It’s pretty fun. If humiliation is a turn-on for them, enjoy humiliating them. (“Oh, you’re drooling. Even toddlers have learned to stop drooling.” etc.) Enjy playing with your newly-gagged partner, but please be aware of their safeword and keep an eye out for it. Gags can get tiring very quickly when you are still new to them.

6. When it’s time to come out, instruct them to hold the gag in, and undo the straps on the back. If, from there, they take it out themselves, that’s fine. If not, be careful and gently take the gag out – their jaw will be sore by now.

That’s it! Easy, right? Enjoy your new-found gagging experience, and ask any questions (either through the link on the left, anonymously or just as a comment if you aren’t so shy! :)

17 Comments on "BDSM Advice Series: Gags"

April 28th, 2010

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April 28th, 2010

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April 29th, 2010

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e[lust] #12 « SapioSlut says...
April 29th, 2010

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April 29th, 2010

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e[lust] #12 : Tales from the Porn Store says...
May 01st, 2010

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e[lust] #12 « long-distance sub says...
May 07th, 2010

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May 07th, 2010

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Ed says...
May 07th, 2010

My Mistress started me out with a ball gag, then a penis gag and now ring gag. I have to service her other male slaves and the cum runs out and I drool a lot. I love it, especially when I am also taken from behind by a large cock or dildo.

Fantasizing: Thinking About Gags « slavewife says...
May 22nd, 2010

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May 28th, 2010

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July 01st, 2010

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July 07th, 2010

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Karen says...
July 31st, 2012

Thanks! This is really helpful, I am a beginner and now have a better idea which kind of gag I want to start off with.

letmeswallowitwhole says...
November 16th, 2012

I am a married man Bi who loves to have oral sex with a bunch of guys, there wives dont do ora anymore & they want me to get a mouth gag to keep my mouth open. I take my teeth out so the opening has to be a bog one to allow 2 cocks at the same time, not all the time but when they get close to shooting they sometimes want me to swallow them together

Fjnoag jwessupy says...
January 05th, 2013

I find that whilst ball gags make me drool a bit a bit gag makes me drool so much, my mistress loves to tease me about my drooling and it gets me turned on so much, she usually has me tied up too so I can’t do anything about it, what a rush!

tyler says...
February 25th, 2014

Me and my girlfriend have a lot of trouble with our penis gag and also our ball gag. Se gets them both to be on the last notch and I’m still able to spit them out. Is there any home maid way to make them more secure in my mouth so I’m not able to spit them out?




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