Since I’m out to collect all of the different books out there since I want a huge book collection, this one is one that I ended up purchasing. The reviews didn’t praise this book that highly, but I figured it would still be something work purchasing. I should have listened to the reviews.
The Handjob Handbook is a different type of book. The pages aren’t numbered, but after counting, there appears to be 34 pages in this book. It’s written by Marsha Normandy and Joseph St. James and published by Simon Spotlight Entertainment. This book is copyright 2008, so it’s still very modern. The book gets odd in its construction. The front cover appears to be cardboard with some sort of padding on it – very much like a book you’d give a child. And instead of pages on the inside? They are stiff cardboard pages. I’ve had a couple of people pick up and flip through this book, and they’re amazed at how much it reminds them of a children’s book. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not, but it’s definitely unique. It also means that you pay and get a lot less information than a regular book too.
So what type of information is included in this book? To be honest, not much. There’s a couple of pages of introduction and basic facts, and then we move straight on to the twenty-five different handjob techniques that this book includes. Each handjob technique gets its own page and step-by-step instructions. There’s an illustration included with each handjob technique, but oddly, they aren’t sex illustrations. They are illustrations that go with the title of the technique, so they therefore, are pretty useless. (The “Playstation” technique has a picture of a video game controller.)
Each technique also includes a pretty simplistic rating system. Each technique has a 1-4 hand level. More hands means it’s more difficult to do. Surprisingly, the technique that requires you to do upward strokes, one hand after another, has a four-hand rating. This thoroughly confuses me. Each technique may or may not include a little icon. The icons are little pictures that let you know what it is best used for: Quickie, Special Occasion, Appetizer, Easy for your Guy to Perform Solo.
The step-by-step instructions are pretty thorough. Most people would be able to figure out the technique by just the instructions alone. However, all of these techniques are extremely basic, so it’s no wonder that most people could figure it out. For example, the first three techniques describe “Hold your hand in a C-shape and go up and down the penis” and “Hold your hand in a U-shape and go up and down the penis”. These techniques are something that any person, who had ever touched a penis before, would have managed to figure out or be creative with. I was very disappointed in that. The only people who would really benefit from reading this book would be people who don’t have any experience being near/touching a penis, and then, the book doesn’t include any diagrams to show a new person the ways to use the technique.
Aside from the techniques, the book starts off with the introduction which just talks about how the authors believe that handjobs should be considered more important when compared next to a blowjob. After that, it talks about the anatomy of the penis. Except it doesn’t use a penis. It shows a picture of two kiwis next to a banana. No, I really couldn’t make this up. It does. After that, we get a page about why we should use during our handjobs along with the different types of lubricant. Then we get 3/4 page about the right setting and right pressure to use. After that, we get two pages with FAQs including whether you can get pregnant from a handjob, what to do with an uncut penis, and where is the best place to give a handjob. The last section before the techniques is a page of Hand-dos and a page of Hand-don’ts. Dos include listening to him and respecting the penis while Don’ts include wearing jewelry or squeezing the testicles (or the family jewels as it calls it.) After those sections, the next 25 pages are devoted to the twenty-five techniques that the book showcases.
Most of the names are very awkward names like “The Girl Scout”, “Taffy Pull”, “Headless Horseman”, “The Playstation” and other odd titles. While this isn’t a bad thing, all they did was rename some of the basic handjob techniques to have odd names. For some people, they may find that really cute. I actually just found it pretty annoying. I suppose it does put a “cutesy” side to giving a handjob though.
I honestly can not see most people gaining anything from reading this book. All of the techniques are very common-sense, and I wasn’t impressed by any of it. The book itself skirts around the issue of actually talking about the penis and puts it in humorous terms. I could see this possibly being decent if you wanted to give this as a gift since it talks about everything in a humorous manner. I could also see this being decent if you find yourself embarrassed by most sex books.
