We all have fantasies, and one very common thing is for us to want to have sex with more than one person. These days it almost feels like more than just a fantasy -rather like one of those points in your ‘list of things to do before I die’ kind of thing. Threesomes used to be that underground thing, but movies and TV have made them the new “popular” next thing. The question is: is it a fad, and most importantly is it something you see yourself being able to do? Because handling one partner can be difficult, let along more than one. Let’s take a quick look at a couple of the things you should consider if you’re looking at broadening your horizons.
Find a Willing Partner
You won’t manage to get multiple partners without saying your part. Unlike celebrities who just have people throwing themselves at them, most normal people have to work hard on finding one partner – let alone more than one! You will need to reach out to different people and let them know that you have a certain flexible approach to relationships, and there are only certain people who will be interested in getting involved with that. Your best bet is to reach out to people in similar situations by using online adult dating sites. For example, people who are part of the BDSM community are often more open-minded to alternative relationship models. Dating sites like My BDSM Hookups are full of people who take an open-minded approach and are not always fussed about being your sole partner. OkCupid is another non-kinky-focused website that offers options for non-monogamous dating identification. It’s possible that you prefer to just approach the more casual / no-strings-attached sites like Craigslist.
The Pros and Cons
Like with any other decision, you need to measure the good sides and the bad sides. Sure, you might be happy with having a lot of people to sleep with, but are you ready to put in the necessary work? Diversity of partners is a great thing, but you have to manage all those different emotions and needs from more than just the one person. Like any awesome thing in life, there is always a trade-off. You need to make sure that your partners are happy with you not being exclusive, and you’ll need to be available to help them when they require it. If you think things are hectic when you have the one partner, imagine how it goes when you have three! Jealousy is also a common problem that will require some working through – even for experienced non-monogamous couples! Your partners might get jealous of each other, and you could get jealous yourself. People often find themselves surprised by what makes the “jealousy monster” rear its ugly head. All of these issues will require a lot of open communication – even when admitting how you’re feeling feels uncomfortable.
Safety is Essential
The last and most important thing to consider you and your partner’s safety. That means using condoms every time you have sex. You’re an adult, you’re getting to play with adult activities, and you have to be smart about it. Remember you’re trying to have a good time, and being worried about potential diseases is everything but fun. Still, be aware that condoms aren’t a 100% guarantee of safety. Vet your partners fully, have discussions about previous partners, and visually access your partner before you decide to take anything to a higher-risk level. Something doesn’t quite seem right? There are lots of other, safer activities to play with such as hand stimulation with gloves or oral sex with condoms or dental dams. Consider sex toys or strap-ons if you both want the penetration experience but aren’t 100% sure about taking the risk.
Consider all the details, looks at your partner’s needs as well as your own, and you might well be ready to handle more than one partner at any given time! Just expect for it to be a learning experience – and for you and your relationships to grow and evolve as you embark on non-monogamy.
