11 Tips for Choosing a BDSM Collar for Your Relationship

A BDSM collar goes around the neck – and one of the most sensitive areas on our bodies has to be the neck. You could make an argument for the genitals, but a swift strike in the genitals isn’t likely to cut off your air supply – one of the few things we need on a second-by-second basis in order to live.

This means that the neck feels particularly intimate and vulnerable for a lot of people. Even if you aren’t in the kink scene, you’ve probably felt the sensuality of exposing your neck during a make-out session – or how erotic and revealing it feels to lift up your hair to allow your partner to slip a necklace around your body.

BDSM collars, essentially, do two things for the neck. For one, it protects the neck. Since kink collars spread out any force or tugging over a larger area, there’s no specific, intense pressure on one spot – which can reduce the likelihood of injury when involving in the neck in play.

For another, though, BDSM collars can play a significance through their placement on the body. Since the collar is wrapped around the neck (that vulnerable area!), collars play a large part in ownership status. Think of them like kinky wedding rings. A BDSM collar can mean that the wearer is owned by someone else.

Of course, I said “can”. The thing about anything in BDSM – kinky collars included – is that significance and meanings vary by the person. For one person, a collar might mean permanent ownership. For another person, a collar might mean that it’s time to start a sex scene – and they’re into it. For yet another, they might have a full selection of collars – where some of those collars have meaningful significance and others are for play sessions. It really varies on the person!

If you want more info on BDSM collars and their significance, use the Table of Contents to quickly jump down to the

Until then, let’s hop into 11 Tips for Choosing a BDSM Collar for your Relationship (brought to you by austinchronicle.com):

How Many Bondage Points Do You Want?

First stop: Are you using this collar for bondage? If so, you need to think about how many bondage points this collar offers – along with how durable your collar is. If you play rough, a felt collar with velcro fastening is probably not going to meet your needs.

Bondage points are important, though. Do you primarily just use a leash on the collar? If so, you probably are going to be a happy camper with a single D-ring or O-ring on the front of the bondage collar. If you’re someone who likes to fasten the collar into your bondage set-up, though, you might want two or three different bondage points to make your life easier.

Lots of things can be easily attached to a collar like a leash, nipple clamps, wrist restraints, charms, keychains, and more. Make sure your bondage collar can support your intended use.

If you’re just looking for a collar to show ownership and it won’t be used for bondage, bondage points might be unnecessary – and may be entirely unwanted. A collar that offers bondage points probably looks a bit like a “BDSM collar” – and that can make it hard to fly under the radar.

How Tall Would You Like Your BDSM Collar to Be?

BDSM collars have different heights – all for different purposes.

Extremely tall collars (collars that cover a lot of the surface of the neck) are usually called “posture collars.” These collars are designed to keep the wearer looking straight-forward with good posture.

Posture collars, however, don’t allow for much movement of the head or neck. For that, you’ll want shorter collars. Shorter collars allow the head to move around a lot more, keep the wearer’s neck cooler, and generally make for a much-more-pleasant play experience.

In general, if you like the look of a posture collar and only want to use it for a short period of time, a posture collar can be a great collar to have in your toybox.

For every other use, though, you’ll probably want other collars. They can be worn comfortably for longer periods of time, function better for movement, and generally offer better bondage potential too.

Would You Like to Lock your BDSM Collar Someday?

If you’d eventually like to lock the collar onto your partner, consider a locking buckle. These buckles feature a design that allows the Top/Dom to attach a small lock to the collar. Most locking collars can also fasten like regular collars, so the “locking” functionality doesn’t necessarily even need to be used.

If you want to have the option to lock your collar in the future, I’d recommend getting a BDSM locking collar. Especially if the collar can function as a regular collar without being locked, there’s virtually no downside. You get the option to lock the collar on in the future – but you certainly don’t have to take it until you want to.

That being said, kink collars with locking fasteners tend to much more expensive. (Partially because BDSM locking collars tend to be higher-end collars and partially because of the gear required to make the collar) If you don’t think you’ll ever want to lock a collar onto your partner’s neck, it’s probably not worth the extra cost for you.

What’s the Size of your Neck?

Most collars are designed as “one size fits most”. That doesn’t mean you or your partner will be one of those “most”.

To make sure you don’t spend a lot of money (and get excited about a collar coming in the mail) that won’t fit you, make sure to use a fabric tape and measure out the wearer’s neck before purchasing.

Most retailers (and especially specialized collar crafters) will provide measurements of their collars. In some cases, if you’re going for a made-to-order BDSM collar, you’ll need that measurement in order to get the collar made in the first place.

A collar that is too tight will be extremely uncomfortable for the wearer – and potentially dangerous. Keep in mind that you don’t want a kinky collar to be too large either. Any excess length will need to still wrap around the collar which can make for a messy-looking collar when the person is wearing it.

On the bright side, you can usually trim off excess collar length; you can’t really “add” length to a collar that doesn’t fit.

What BDSM Collar Color Do You Want?

BDSM collars are available in all of the colors of the rainbow. While black is the most common (because black is kinky and sexy and all of those stereotypes that go with it), there are a lot of other colors out there too. Red, green, pink, blue, yellow, orange – it’s all out there and available.

There are even kinksters who make custom BDSM collars too – so you can mix-and-match blue and orange if that’s your jam. Etsy is always my favorite place, and a quick search for “custom BDSM collar” seems to bring up my expected results.

You’ll definitely pay more for custom, though. If possible, you might be able to save some money by finding a pre-made collar that features your desired BDSM collar attributes – but as always, what you want may not be available except through custom designing.

Just something to keep in mind!

What Material Should Your BDSM Collar be Made From?

Collars are made out of a huge variety of materials. You’ll need to know what you have in mind for your collar in order to choose a good material. Leather is a fan-favorite, but it can be hard to clean from lots of sweating, and it doesn’t work well for vegans. Neoprene is waterproof and fun for aquatic use, but it doesn’t have the hardcore “look” that lots of players are looking for. Faux fur, faux leather, suede, and felt are all other popular material options as well.

If you’ve heard about the material, there’s probably a kink collar made out of it. That being said, every kink collar material has its own pros and cons.

Leather tends to be a “traditional” material for collars, and quite a few kinksters will swoon for the scent. It’s extremely durable too. That being said, it’s particular about how you clean it (leather upkeep is a thing!), doesn’t play well with soap, isn’t particularly breathable, and it can crease with improper storage. Plus, it can be $$$.

Felt and velcro are the kink collar of choice for a beginner. They’re cheap AF, you can find them in virtually any sex shop, and their Velcro fastening design makes them really easy to escape – which is vital if you’re playing with someone who is inexperienced, someone you don’t fully trust, or you’re just brand-new to kink and would feel more comfortable with an out. At the same time, these felt and velcro collars don’t feel particularly sensual, they can easily rip with rough play, and their very flexible designs can put pressure onto dangerous parts of the neck if you’re playing too roughly.

Neoprene happens to be waterproof – and it’s extremely easy to take care of. This makes it a favorite for those who love aquatic play and those who love watersports. But neoprene also has some serious material memory, and it can easily crease with improper storage. Plus, it can be very inflexible (when enough layers of neoprene are put together to make a piece of bondage gear), and its unbreathable design can be uncomfortable when someone gets sweaty.

You also have other options like velvet. Velvet looks luxurious, but it’s very prone to ripping – and it’s going to be a pain-in-the-butt to clean – especially if you get more bodily fluids than just sweat on it.

What Will You Need to Clean Off Your BDSM Collar?

What you plan to do with the collar – and what you’ll need to clean off of the collar – are another big consideration when purchasing a BDSM collar. The biggest thing to consider is sweat from the person wearing the collar, but depending on your play, you might also have:

• blood
• semen
• female ejaculate
• urine
• food
• beverages
• spit
• …and more!

Each one of those items requires it own cleaning concerns, and depending on what you plan to do with your BDSM collar, you’ll want to purchase your new kink gear with that in mind.

While choosing a kink collar that cleans up from your play activities is important, it’s also important to consider your own laziness and effort level. How much time do you want to put into cleaning your BDSM collar – especially when those spills are made on it? An elaborate kinky collar with lots of divets, stitching, and layers is going to require really getting into the crevices to get it clean.

On the other hand, a BDSM play collar that just has a single strip of leather with a D-ring? That’s going to be easy AF to clean up.

Take your own effort level into account when thinking about cleaning concerns. Your gorgeous, multi-hundred dollar collar is only going to stay in its gorgeous, pristine state as long as you keep it clean. So don’t purchase something like that if you’re pretty sure you don’t have the time to keep it up – and don’t really care to do so.

The cleaning concerns become extra important if you plan on using your kinky play collar with multiple partners. Understandably, Person A probably doesn’t want to feel the body oils of Person B on their skin while wearing the BDSM collar. In this cases, a collar you can really get clean (like a neoprene material, with soap and water – or a leather material, if you have all of the proper leathercare experience) might be best.

Alternatively, you might consider purchasing multiple collars for different partners – or ask any people you’re playing with to provide their own BDSM collar.

What’s Your Kinky Impact on the Environment?

This is something that I, personally, am starting to take more notice of when purchasing new kink gear. Unfortunately, it’s also a bit of a pain in the ass because it’s not information that’s generally widely available.

It’s easiest to figure out when purchasing kink gear from small businesses. You can usually just send an email to ask them various questions like:

• Where do you source your materials?
• Is the sourced materials harming the planet in any way, and if so, how are you ofsetting that?
• Is the BDSM collar made by you, yourself? If not, where is the collar made, and how can I ensure the people making it had fair wages and were treated properly?
• What’s the lifespan of this kink collar? Is it built to last, or am I going to be purchasing another one (for more drains on the planet) very soon?
• Is there a way to recycle this item when I’m done? Can it be cut down into parts for recycling?
• How is this item shipped? Will it be in all-recyclable packaging? Can I special request a change in your standard shipping policies to reduce single-use plastic and rely heavier on recyclable options?

You might also want to think about whether there are multiple ways to use your BDSM collar. Kink collars, honestly, tend to be relatively single-function in their design, but if your potential BDSM collar can transition from “play collar” to “show collar” with additions of a few charms or something, this can help you reduce the need to purchase another collar.

Do You Want a BDSM Beginner’s Kit?

Are you brand new to kink? If so, this is probably not the time to try to find your “forever” collar. High-quality collars can run in the hundreds of dollars if you let them. If you’re still trying to figure out what appeals to you most in a collar (and figure out how you want to use it), you might prefer to go with a beginner BDSM collar kit.

These kits usually come with a small assortment of bondage items to help you explore kink activities. Common kits might include a collar and a leash – and maybe a flogger or some extra restraints. Not only do you get a set that matches, but it also means that you’re saving some serious $$$. Most of these beginner kits offer a discount for purchasing them as a set.

Do You Want a Set of Matching Bondage Gear?

On the other hand, if you’re a semi-experienced kinkster and love things that match (like me!), you might consider purchasing a matching set. I can’t tell you how much I melt when I see matching sets of bondage gear. It looks cohesive, it looks hot, and it tells me that the wearer really treasures their gear. Getting a matching set of high-end gear isn’t cheap, and that isn’t something that you replace often.

Does your Potential BDSM Collar “Feel” Right?

This is generic – and that’s the point. Purchasing a kink collar is an extremely personal decision. The collar you pick up will probably signify something of importance to you – whether that’s a gear used for play, a token of a relationship, or something else. Your BDSM play collar needs to “feel” like something that meets that significance for you.

What is a BDSM Collar?

Essentially, a BDSM collar is a piece of sturdy fabric that goes around the neck. Really, at its essence, that’s what it is.

BDSM collars serve two purposes in kink: functional and spiritual. Let’s break down the BDSM collar meaning:

For one, for a long, long time, kink collars have served as a mark of ownership. Especially in high-protocol and Old Guard kink spaces, if someone is wearing a kink collar, it means that they’re owned in some fashion. In group kink spaces, this made it easier for people to interact with one another. In spaces where “ask for permission to speak to my property” is a common occurrence, wearing a kink collar makes it obvious when you’re “property” – and that rule needs to come into affect.

On a personal level, BDSM collars are used for marks of ownership – only they can be used as something that’s known only between the two (or more) individuals in the dynamic. Putting on (and taking off) can easily become a ritualistic activity that signals the entering (and leaving) of a power exchange dynamic. A 24/7 collar can also signify the importance of a power exchange relationship – similar to a wedding ring.

Functionally, most type of bondage around the neck is a serious no-go. The neck is a super-sensitive spot, and compression of the neck can (very easily) kill you. Using a BDSM collar as a bondage point helps eliminate some of that risk. Since BDSM collars are wide, thick, sturdy, and possibly padded, this helps protect the structures of the neck and puts all of the tugging/bondage pressure on the bondage collar itself instead of on the neck.

Buying a BDSM Collar is a Very Personal Choice

As with every piece of bondage gear that you can buy, ultimately, the choice of a collar will be between the two of you (or just you!). A BDSM collar is an extremely personal item. If you’re using it for casual play – and just need something functional – worry about the practicalities of things, but if you’re like most people, this kink collar probably has some mental significance for you too.

These tips can be a good jumping board, but take the time to see where your fantasies take you. Part of the fun of BDSM is getting to pick out all of the toys that you play with!

Inspiration for this article came from my 9 Tips for Choosing a Play Collar for Kinkly. Edits and updates have been made for the article found here.