Looking for advice about pet play in BDSM? Let me walk you through a comprehensive article to explore what this kink is, how to do it safely, and some beginner-friendly gear that makes it easy to get started.
What is BDSM Pet Play?
Pet play is the act of pretending to be an animal or taking on animal-like tendencies. Some people enjoy this because they find it arousing, but sexual arousal isn’t a requirement. It may just used as a way to escape from regular life responsibilities. If you are a cute, snuggly kitty, you don’t have to pay the bills or clean the sink – you can just relax and focus on being a little mindless pet.
People who like pet play usually like to pretend to be a kitty, bunny, fox, or puppy. However, the sky is the limit; you can be whatever animal you feel like being. If your soul identifies as a squirrel or velociraptor, have at it. (I’ve seen both at kink events!) If you’re playing as an uncommon animal, if you have a partner, make sure you communicate what activities and caretaking works best for your animal of choice.
Pet play as ponies is also another common animal, but since it’s a niche animal with a lot of unique scenes and gear that you won’t find in any other pet play dynamics, I won’t be covering much of that today. (Another article, probably!)
Today, we’ll be focusing on information that helps you (or a trusted partner!) create a great scene for a pet to enjoy. For example, safety issues when the pet is in their mindset, how to keep the mindset, what to do for amusement, and great ways to find accessories and clothing that will help complete the fantasy.
How To Do Pet Play Safely?
The mind is really your biggest tool when it comes to pet play. Without the person believing they are the pet, it will be hard for them to sink into the role.
That headspace, once achieved, can lead to potential problems though. It’s easiest to think of an immersed pet as a drunk person; the brain isn’t thinking clearly, it may be impossible to give informed consent, and they might make really poor decisions.
If you’re taking care of a BDSM pet play animal, this means keeping a close eye on your pet – and ensuring all negotiation was done prior to the scene start. This altered headspace can make it impossible for your pet to consent to unexpected activities, so leave any cool, new ideas you have alone until the next time you can have an adult conversation.
As many BDSM pet play kinksters enjoy their “playful” animal persona, be aware that acting out may not intentionally be a sign of an altered mental state. Some people really enjoy being the bratty pet, and they may be intentionally pushing your buttons to get their full pet play experience.
If you’re playing solo, this might mean setting mental limits for yourself before play – or intentionally avoiding too deep of a headspace. You might kitten-proof the living room (with door gates and all!) to ensure your kitten persona stays in the kitten-friendly living room.
If you and your pet play your role often enough and deeply enough, it’s possible for your human pet’s brain to slip into some of this behavior when it’s inappropriate. For most of us with busy adult lives, it can be hard to do enough pet play to cause this, but if you’re in a 24/7 relationship or have a lot of downtime, this can be a potential concern.
To avoid this, I recommend a strict “ritual” that allows your pet to know when it’s time to slip into the mindset. For example, when having your partner be a ‘pet’, always slip their pet collar around their neck and pat their head with “Good kitty/puppy”. That will allow them to know that the scene has started. To end it, take off their collar, and go “That’s enough insert name here“.
This is the ritual I use in my personal pet play scenes.
While the mental state is the biggest risk in pet play, your second biggest risk is physical harm. This usually comes in the form of scraped-up and sore knees. If your pet is a crawler, ensure the crawling space is well-vacuumed and ready for safe crawling. Get a solid set of knee pads (seriously! protect your knees!) and try to limit your pet play crawling to spaces where there’s padding.
As many pets end up getting bloody knees without noticing, it can also be helpful to keep bandages and wound cleansing supplies nearby. Sometimes our brains get too caught up in playtime to notice signs of pain before they’ve spiraled into a problem.
How to Get Started in Pet Play?
You know what BDSM pet play is, and you know the risks. Now, you’re ready to get started with actually adding this kinky activity to your chest of play sessions.
How To Do Pet Play: Negotiation
First off, a lengthy discussion is needed between the two of you. In order for pet play to work, you need to have one person who wants to play as the pet and the other who would like to own a human pet. Without both of those pieces, you won’t have a very successful time.
You aren’t going to get anywhere if you both haven’t agreed to do pet play. Thus, that’s step one. This might involve an entire conversation where you confess your interest in the kink – or admit to your pet play persona.
The point of this negotiation is to figure out what everyone wants out of their pet play scene.
Common negotiation points to touch on include:
- Sexual activity (is some genital touch okay? None? Penetration? Is this entirely non-sexual?)
- Verbalization (is your pet allowed to speak?)
- Involvement (how involved is everyone? Does the pet just want to live an everyday, boring life with their partner, or should a pet-specific activity be involved?)
- Scene Length (do you think you both want hours in order to fall into your headspace? Or a quick 10-minute fuck while in your pet play headspaces?)
- Training (is the pet interested in being trained? Should that be part of today’s scene?)
- Bathroom Needs (your pet will probably need to tinkle at some point. Is there a plan for this, or are you both okay coming out of the headspace?)
- Food Needs (if you’re going for a marathon BDSM pet play session, they’ll need to eat and drink.)
- Mental/Physical State (how is everyone feeling today? Are there any injuries that might require being gentle? Are certain activities/phrases/intentions off the table because they’re a bad fit for your mental states?)
- “Feel” of the Scene (is the pet feeling bratty today? Loyal? Sexual? What about everyone else in the scene? Make sure everyone has the same intention in mind. If the pet is feeling bratty while the owner is trying to seriously teach them new tricks, this is going to end in a pile of frustration – just like it would with a biological pet. We just have the benefit of being able to communicate all of this ahead of time.)
Your standard “roles” include:
- Owner
- Petsitter (Like if a friend was going to watch your pet while you’re on vacation.)
- Handler (Think of what you’ve seen on biological animal “best-in” shows.)
- Trainer (Imagine taking your pet to an expert trainer.)
- Dog/Pet Walker
- …and of course, the pet or animal.
It’s very possible for everyone involved to want to be a pet. Puppy mosh pits are pretty common in the male-presenting leather world, and it’s exactly how it sounds: a bunch of puppies playing around on the floor! There’s nothing that says there has to be a handler involved. If you both want to be pets, I recommend planning out your scene together and spending the time, pre-pet play, to have all of your items and activities ready to go for when you both go into your roles. This can reduce the need to have a handler.
You can even get really creative if you’re a roleplay person. For example, your scene might focus around a prospective buyer trying to find their “ideal” pet at the animal shelter. Or one person might be a frantic pet owner who is trying desperately to locate their lost pet. It’s all up to what makes you (and everyone involved!) happy.
How to Do Pet Play: Pick Your Pet
The next step is to figure out your pet’s persona. Does your pet want to be a husky? A golden retriever? A persian? A tabby cat? Do they have any specific idea in mind? Also, do they have any specific name in mind? Many pets have a name they’d prefer to be called. If they don’t, do you want to make one up on the spot, or would you prefer to “take” your kitten/puppy home and see how their personality tranforms before you name them?
It’s really amazing, actually, how much a person’s personality will change when they are a pet. When they assume that role, they will be taking on a different personality as well. A serious girlfriend may turn into a playful and rambunctious kitten. A quiet husband may turn into a puppy that loves to make his presense known. The journey in itself is amazing.
You also will want to agree on a way for the pet to let you know that they’re ready to come out of their pet space. Maybe they should tug on a shoe lace or maybe gently nibble on your calves? It’s the way for them to tell you that they’re content and happy, but they’re just done for the day.
How To Do Pet Play: The Safeword
After you’ve discussed the preliminaries (and looked over the detail questions below), agree upon a safeword. It should be something unrelated to play, possibly even the word “safeword” itself. That word, being spoken by either partner, means that the play needs to stop. Maybe the kitten, upon being swatted for being bad, starts to feel horribly and wants to stop play. Maybe the owner finds that they are feeling uncomfortable with their partner being a pet. Either way, it’s an agreed-upon way to instantly stop what is happening.
How To Do Pet Play: The Scene
After your safeword, you really are ready to play. As the Dominant partner, you really are in charge of the scene. Make sure you really do treat them as a pet – especially if they brought this up in the first place. Make use of the toys that you have and play with your kitty. Pet them if they do well. Find a treat (if they like chocolate, I recommend a small Hershey’s chocolate piece. You know, those bars that come with pre-cut seams to break them apart? Just give them one of the broken pieces.) to reward them if they do well. Let your pet curl up at your feet if that’s what they want. In fact, you could take the blankets off the bed and fold them into a square on the floor for a “pet” bed. Either way, make your pet play unique to you. Every couple has their own idea of pet play – make it something that is pleasurable for the both of you, and don’t forget to respect your partner’s safeword and limits.
Details
When it comes to puppy play or kitten play, you want to think out your details before allowing your partner to enter the role. You want to have all of your ideas already planned out, so you won’t be faced with any surprises. Also, if your kitty/puppy knows some things are off-limits or must be done as a kitten, then you have managed to increase the intensity of their headspace.
The first detail you should focus on is the idea of movement. Most people prefer to be on their hands and knees as a pet, and that’s also what will increase their headspace. However, talk to your partner because your partner may have knees or back problems that will make it uncomfortable for them to be on their knees for extended periods of time.
The second detail you should hammer out is the idea of furniture. Does your pet get to be on the furniture to curl up next to you? Should they stay on the floor only?
The third detail is punishment. If your pet isn’t allowed the furniture and crawls up anyway, what are you going to do? (Punishment is certainly something you need to discuss with your partner in advance as well. You may find it hot to hit your puppy on the nose with a newspaper, but they may just get downright pissed off.) Does it involved taking away their “food”? Do they get stuck in a little gate, or, if you’re playing with large equipment, in their cage?
What about how they learn? Does your kitty come home “new” and have to learn by trial and error, or do you tell her human-self the rules and expect her to follow them as a puppy/kitty?
What about vocalization? Is your puppy/kitty allowed to talk if they need something? Will they be punished if they do talk? Do they just have to learn how to give you subtle clues to get what they want? You will specifically want to discuss what they should do if they need to use the bathroom.
What about garbage or making messes? We all know that puppies love to get into the trash and kitties end up clawing and knocking things over at every chance. Is that out of bounds or acceptable?
Another big detail is food. If your puppy/kitty likes cereal, I actually recommend placing a pet bowl on the floor filled with Cocoa Puffs as well as a bowl for water. I really don’t recommend feeding your pet actual pet food unless it is agreed upon in advanced. It’s just not that tasty. If they don’t like cereal, there really are plenty of things that look like pet food – you just have to look around your local grocery store.
A big detail that many don’t want to think about is the bathroom. If you will allow your pet to come out of their headspace and use the human toilet, that’s fine. If you want to take it to a farther level, I know some people who require their pets to kneel on all fours in the bathtub and urinate there. When they’re done, the owner will wipe them and rinse out the tub. (Obviously, for anything other than urination, they are allowed the toilet.) If that’s something you’re comfortable with, that’s good. If not, you can just allow the human toilet. However, I don’t recommend lying down newspaper or those “doggie training” pads. They won’t absorb the large amount of human urine compared to baby pets. Since this is such a personal matter, I also recommend you ask your partner about their preference on it. If they were expecting to use the toilet, and you spring a “use the bathtub” on them in play, it will destroy the entire scene.
Also go over any other details you think are important to your personal play. You want to have thought out all of your bases before you do any play. If you think your partner may have a differing opinion than your own, you may want to bring them into the discussion and ask their opinion as well.
Pet Play Accessories
Pet play can be as expensive as you want it to be. There are plenty of great stores that sell human-specific pet play items. However, if this is something you’re experimenting with and don’t have an attachment to it quite yet, I don’t recommend buying such expensive items.
First off: Your costume. Kitten costumes are so much easier than puppy ones. Around Halloween, just go visit your local costume store. There’s tons of kitten ears and tails there. For puppies, I recommend buying a headband (available in most mass-retailer’s hair section) and just sewing two little pieces of fabric to it to make your ears. Or, if you have a “husky” or other pointy-eared puppy, kitten ears would actually work for them as well. There’s also a really cute costume at this website for cheap if you don’t want to wait for Halloween.
Another option is the tails. You can either wear your tail on a belt, or they offer tails that come attached to buttplugs. For example, there’s a really popular butt-plug fox tail that you could buy here. (However, that’s a little out of your budget if you are trying to stay cheap.) There are also some kinksters on Fetlife that make tails and other kitten accessories custom-made if you are looking to have a specific tail/outfit made.
That should make up most of your outfit. You may also want to discuss whether your pet needs to be naked or if they can be dressed. Whether they just get underwear or if they can wear lingerie too.
When it comes to other play toys, I say go to a mass-retailer and find them there. You can find pet bowls really cheap, and if you want to personalize it, by a small thing of paint and a paintbrush, and paint their name on the bowl. You can also find a pet bowl placemat if you want one to increase the “real-ness” of it all.
A collar is also a consideration if your pet wants to have one around their neck. If you buy a “large” sized pet collar at a pet store, it should work, or you could consider buying a special “human” collar for this purpose. I actually own and recommend this cute Black Cat collar which you can buy right here.
You can also find toys there. You can find squeaky toys for your puppy, or feather toys or balls that jingle for your kitty. Either way, you should easily be able to make an entire outfit for your pet play for under $40. That’s including the toys and the clothing.
Have fun playing with your new “pet” and let me know if you have any questions. Either by comment here, or if you’re shy, I’m glad to answer/mentor through e-mail, so just ask. :) Everyone needs some place to start.
Updated: March 2023.
