A lot of what I do here focuses on how to buy sex toys online, BUT there’s an entire world of brick and mortar sex shops to explore – and they need our attention too! In-person sex toy shopping can open up a whole new world of informed and convenient shopping, but in addition to that, a lot of in-person sex toy stores are also responsible for your area’s adult sex education programs – and just generally providing a sex-positive place to explore your sexuality. While online stores can be amazing, in-person stores need our love too. Honestly, when possible, I try to support my local sex toy stores instead of shopping online.
So, if you’re not used to buying toys at an adult shop in your city, I know it can seem a little overwhelming at first. After all, most of us aren’t used to being surrounded in droves of dildos and things that vibrate! That’s why I’m here to help. These tips for buying adult toys in a sex shop provide a great starting place for your sex toy shopping – and that’s exactly what we want. Pick and choose these helpful tips for things that seem helpful for you – and know that it gets much easier (and less nerve-wracking!) the more-often you shop. Someday, you might even be breezing into your local sex shop like it’s just the produce department at your favorite grocery store.
Do a Cursory Look
When you first enter the store, I recommend a cursory look around the entire store. Walkthrough the aisles, and have an idea of where everything is situated. Look for anything that catches your eye at first glance, and make a mental note to pop back in and look at it again. Not only will this help you feel more comfortable in the store (after all, you already know the layout of the place, have been there for twenty minutes, and have seen everything there is to see!), but it can help later when you start looking for specific items. Having a “game plan” when you first enter helps you to focus on completing your plan – instead of feeling nervous – which, by the time you’ve done the entire lap around the store, you’ll hopefully forget some of your initial nerves.
Have Something In Mind
If you’re there to make a purchase – today – have an idea of what you have in mind. It doesn’t need to be exact, but having a general idea of what you’re looking for will help you feel less overwhelmed by all of the options. Some sex toy stores have shelves full of different options, which, if you’re new to shopping in a toy store, can be pretty scary at first. As sex toy shopping gets less daunting, you’ll find yourself grateful for all of the different options; it means you can better find what you’re looking for. When you’re starting, though, it can be overwhelming. I recommend having an idea of what you’re looking to purchase – even if it’s something as vague as “something for my butt”. Here are some other types of categories you might want to think about when shopping in-person for sex toys:
- suction pleasure for the clitoris
- remote-controlled toy for public play
- butt plugs for anal training
- vibrating toy for the g-spot
- lingerie in size XL
- book about g-spot orgasms
As you can see, having a vague category works just fine! It’ll help you narrow down your options when you find yourself surrounded by thousands of different choices. If you go into your local sex shop with the idea of “something that feels good”, there’s just too many options to choose from!
Know Your Current Toys
Are you here in the adult toy shop for an “upgrade” from a toy you already own? If so, I recommend pulling out your current toy to look at it before you head over to the shop. Please don’t bring your used toys to the shop – that can get weird really quickly. But you can definitely snap a few cell phone pics and handle your toy to have its size and shape fresh in your memory before you slip into the brick and mortar sex toy store. Especially if you’re looking for a toy that’s larger/smaller than your current toys, this will ensure that you’re at a good starting place before you begin. (Want some extra credit? Consider writing down your sex toy’s measurements before you go. This will give you some hard-facts to compare your new potential toys to.)
Poke at Testers/Trials
One of the amazing things about buying sex toys in-person is the ability to see and hold some of the toys before purchase. Obviously, you don’t get to give them a trial run inside the adult toys shop (obviously), but holding toys in your hands can be a pretty good second-best. You’ll be able to judge a toy’s power, its material, and especially: its size. As Marie Kondo says, it also helps to figure out if the toy “sparks joy”. If, when holding it in your hands, does it feel like a good purchase? Does it feel like something that could be arousing? Those are lovely questions that are much-easier to answer when you can wrap your fingers around the item. (Unfortunately for me, I find pretty much every sex toy “sparks joy” when I pick it up – which is probably why I own so many toys.)
(For a funny side note, when I was at a sex toy store last summer, I also was trying to take my own advice to hold toys in my hands. I saw this beautiful, suction-cup-equipped dildo sitting on a display shelf, and I went to pick it up and see if it “sparked joy”. Unfortunately (or fortunately, if you bought it and used it!), that suction cup was POWERFUL. Instead of just picking up the toy, the toy brought the entire glass shelf underneath it too – dumping all of the other toys on the ground as I pulled it off in one fluid motion. The store staff were extremely understandable saying that it happens multiple times a day – and it really is the best advertisement for the suction cup they could possibly give. I promise: whatever you do, it can’t be any more awkward than that was. Sex shop staff have seen it all.)
Read the Packaging
Especially with sex-positive and high-end toys, a lot of the toy’s information is located right on the packaging itself. If you’re feeling nervous about the idea of asking a adult shop employee for help, just pick up the box and give it a good look-through. You can usually find information about the features (like waterproof-ability), the material, and how it’s powered (rechargeable, battery, etc.). Many packages don’t provide exact product measurements, though, but the size of the box should also provide a general idea of how large the sex toy is within it. Luckily for us, most dildo manufacturers have also moved towards see-through packaging that allows you to see the dildo in its exact shape and size.
Ask Any Questions
The sex toy store staff is there for a reason – and that’s to help answer your questions! Buying adult toys in a brick and mortar store can be, well, scary, but remember: that staff member is there day in and day out, and they’ve seen (and heard!) pretty much everything. As long as you’re respectful and friendly, you’ll probably be one of the most pleasant customers they’ve had all day!
Sex Toy Questions to Ask
Don’t know what to ask? Some of these leading questions to ask when buying adult toys in a sex shop can be helpful:
- Do you get a lot of returns for this item?
- Is it available in multiple colors?
- Can you show me toys that are similar to this one so I can compare?
- Do you have a tester/out-of-box copy that I can look at?
- How does this toy work? Is it easy to operate?
- What material is it made of? How do I clean it?
- Can you show me lubricant options that will be compatible with this toy?
- What other toys do you have from this manufacturer?
Make Multiple Trips
If all else fails, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with making another trip back to the store when you feel like you’re better-equipped with more information! Sex shops want you to feel positive about your purchase – so you’ll come back again. If that means you need to come back later when you feel like you’re equipped with more information, that’s perfectly fine! Looking up reviews for the products you were interested in might help you feel like you’re making a more-informed decision – and make your decision seem like even more of a positive one!
