You just moved into a new area. You left all of your awesome, kinky friends behind. And y’know what? It sucks. It seems like no one is kinky around here, and sometimes it seems like you find someone, but they’re a bit on the “creepy” side. So how do you go about looking for discreet affairs? Well, it’s certainly more difficult in smaller, less-kinky areas, but it’s still totally do-able, I promise!
Your first step should be Google, honestly. Googling your location plus terms like “BDSM club”, “BDSM munch”, “BDSM group”, “kink club”, “BDSM”, and similar terms will tend to show what nearby clubs are available. If you’re not finding any near you, pick one of the largest, nearby cities and try using that title in Google. Sometimes you may need to drive at least an hour to find a BDSM club, but many people find it worth the while – especially in rural areas where finding BDSM groups nearby is more difficult.
After Google, kinky networking sites should be next. Popular choices include Fetlife or CollarMe. You also can try looking on top adult dating sites, but be forewarned that those don’t always cater specifically to BDSM. Fetlife will most-likely be your best bet, and make sure to do searches for groups on Fetlife that cater to the “online existance” that meets regular in-person as well. If you aren’t finding one (and actually try, please, before you bother others!), make a post in an on-topic group to ask where the local clubs are. You also could try sending a friendly message to another kinkster who lives in your area (many of these sites allow you to put your location if you prefer), and ask that kinkster if they know of any nearby groups.
Believe it or not, you should check the local university. Local university-sponsored BDSM education clubs are starting to pop up. If you’re anywhere near the age group (usually under 35), this could be a good choice to find some friends. However, if you’re not in the university, make sure to contact the president or club owner by e-mail to make sure that the public is allowed at their meetings. You definitely would love to make friends, but you also have to consider that it may be a student’s “safe space”, and if you’re not welcome, it’s best to avoid being there.
If that still hasn’t brought you into any kink-related activities, you can (shamefully!) try Craigslist. I recommend posting a broad “Are there any nearby kink groups?” post versus stating what sexual desires you have. Also, please be very, very cautious about meeting anyone off of Craigslist. There are definitely some great people on Craigslist, but there are also some creepy people who use CraigsList as an easy way to find victims. So use it as a tool to gather information, but it’s possibly not the best way to find someone to meet up for intense BDSM play with.
Of course, if none of this ends up bringing something to fruition, you may want to consider starting a local BDSM group of your own! This certainly takes a lot more effort than the other options, but it can be very fulfilling to run a BDSM group. Be prepared for it to take some effort and time, and make sure to research into options for promoting the group (such as on the social sites mentioned above). If you do choose to start a group like this, you may find it helpful to message nearby kinksters to let them know it exists – and like every BDSM group out there, make sure you meet in a SAFE, PUBLIC, space. Many groups tend to go for conference rooms in restaurants.
Those are some options for finding kinky friends in a not kinky area. Rural areas tend to have less “kink” going on, but if you look hard enough (and especially if you use the internet’s vast resources), you can still find friends and kinky people to talk to.
