(UPDATE MAY 2020: Ten years later, these books are still out and popular – you can even get them on Audible and other audiobook services. Daaaamn. I think they’ve had an update since their original publication, but they’re still around!)
I’ve heard a lot about it since both “The New Bottoming Book” and “The New Topping Book” are well-known in the BDSM world as good starter books. I just figured I’d need to purchase and own this book if I wanted to learn all of the information that I could. While I wasn’t extraordinarily impressed, it wasn’t a bad read either. Plus, half of my non-impression may stem from the fact that I’m a Dominant, not a bottom. It did give me some great insight into something of the thoughts of the bottom, though.
“The New Bottoming Book” is 171 pages long. It only took me about two hours to read from cover to cover. The cover of the book is orange and actually pretty public-friendly as long as you’re discreet about it. There is a creepy picture of a guy in bondage on the cover, but aside from that small little picture that is contained in the “O” of “Bottom”, it really doesn’t scream “sex book”. I read this book in its entirety while attending classes, so as long as you keep the cover of the book against a table, it works fine.
The book is split into two different parts: Skills and Scenes. Each part has its own chapters.
The first chapter is “Introducing Ourselves” where the two authors, Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy introduce themselves and why they are experts enough to write this book. They also go into why bottoms like to bottom as well as why they decided to write this book exclusively for people of the submissive-nature.
The second chapter gets a little more exciting and is called “What kind of player are you, anyway?” It talks about the emotions you will be experiencing as a bottom during a scene. It also does a really nice job of addressing all of the “myths” of bottoming like how you’re “expected” to have no limits or how you have to give up all of your control to your Dominant partner. It talks about how you can better make the transition between real-life and your fantasies for submission. It also stressed the importance of talking to your Dominant partner and making sure you both are on the same page for expectations.
“Staying Safe and Happy” is the third chapter. This is actually the chapter they will reference the most throughout the book because of the activity in the beginning. Easton and Hardy stress the importance of knowing your own likes and dislikes before you attempt to play with or find a partner, so they provide you with a fun little exercise to learn your own limits. Throughout the chapter, they’ll be referencing the exercise in ways that will help you be more constructive in your play relationships. It also stressed the importance of negotiating before you play with a new play partner. It also talks about how sex doesn’t have to be included in your BDSM relationship – they’re two different things. There’s also small sections on safewords, checking-in, and aftercare. What this book does not provide is any of the physical safety information about playing. It gives you the mental aspect of it all, but it tells you to reference another book to get the bare basics of safety information.
Chapter four is “The Bridge to Reality”. It basically goes in to explain about how you shouldn’t expect everything to play out exactly like they’ve played out in your fantasies. It also goes in-depth about the best ways to find a Dominant partner to play with. This is where one of the bigger changes for this new edition come in – they put a lot more information about using the internet to find your new partner. They focus on the online relationship aspect of BDSM as well, and its pros and cons.
“Connecting” is chapter five. It really is just an extension of the “Bridge to Reality” chapter. It talks a bit about answering print ads as well as the importance of getting involved with your local BDSM community. It then goes into talking about the importance of finding a top that is trustworthy and worthy of your attention and submission.
“Getting what you want, and Lots of it!” is Chapter 6. It talks about knowing what you want and learning to be a “greedy” submissive. They say greedy is a good thing since too many bottoms think they only have to do what their Dominant wants. It’s a really short chapter – only five pages long.
“The Rewards” is Chapter 7. It talks about the different kinds of relief you will find in sadomasochism. It talks about the catharsis that can come from a good scene, as well as the energy transference. It also touches on how intimate it can be between you and your partner. It also talks about the idea of fighting back and sensation play. Overall, not a huge chapter either. Only about eight pages long.
Chapter 8 is “Getting Ready”. Very short at only four pages, it talks about how to get yourself in the right mental state to be able to play as well as making sure to groom yourself so you’re ready to please your partner and comfortable with the skin you’re in.
“Ending the Scene – And Afterwards” is the next chapter. A very short chapter, but it doesn’t need to be long. It talks about different ways to relax after a scene including bubble baths or having sex. It also talks about the importance of going over the scene after it’s done but not until the both of you are relaxed again.
Chapter 10 is “Playing: Scripts, Scenes, and Roles” and it’s easily the biggest chapter in this book. It ends up being about fifty pages. The chapter is divided into subsections of the stuff it covers. The subsections include: Bondage, Domination and Submission, Pain (The Good Kind), Body Modification, Let’s Pretend, Rough and Tough, Humiliation and Verbal Abuse, and Some Notes on Public Play. Overall, it’s the best chapter out of this book. The bondage section includes some safety information as well as some information on how to fend for your own safety when it comes to bondage. The Dominance and Submission chapter is about having a D/s relationship – not just being a top and bottom. It includes information about the contracts and how to determine what times are power-exchange times and what times you are equals. Pain (The Good Kind) will talk about the different kinds of pain and the best ways to make your body interpret pain as pleasure. Body Modification is about the different uses for piercings and the best ways to get them done. Let’s Pretend includes things like interrogation scenes and other role play ideas. Rough and Tough is about being rough during play. It talks about safety information if you want to be rough. Humiliation and Verbal Abuse (I hate that word) is about the different ways humiliation can be played out and how you should manage it to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand.
The last chapter is “S/M and Spirituality”. Personally, I’m not a spiritual person, but I did read it, and for someone who believes that BDSM is a spiritual matter, this book touches on a lot of the big points. It talks about the energy exchange and the chakras. A pretty decent chapter – about ten pages.
One of the things I like most about this book is the little excerpts they include in random places. It varies from statistics to personal stories about their own feelings on the topic at hand. It really makes the book a lot more enjoyable to read as well as it helps me to relate to what they are talking about.
Both Easton and Hardy switch genders each paragraph, so this book does end up being very gender acceptant. You really don’t even notice the gender word switching when you’re reading it either.
Overall, I was slightly impressed by this book. It wasn’t anything special – but as I said, I’m not a bottom either. My boyfriend/bottom read it and wasn’t all that impressed either. It touches on all of the basics, so it’s a good beginner book, but after you’ve been doing this for anytime longer than a week or so, you probably know everything that is covered in this book. Regardless, it’s a good, well-written book that will help a lot of beginners get into BDSM safely, and for that, it serves its purpose.
