Trust in M/s
Recently, my trust was broken with Jor because of something he’d done. It’s been a rule for a long time, and I found out that he had been breaking that rule while I’d been at work. This led me to think about how important trust is in an M/s relationship.
First off, I’m not around him all of the time. I can’t expect to monitor his every action nor should I have to. Part of any relationship, and especially an M/s one, is having the understanding that, when I’m gone, he will still continue to do what he’s supposed to do. When I found out he wasn’t, it was insulting to me. There’s no point to wearing my collar if he can’t abide by what I ask for.
Second off, there’s no trust if I can’t trust him to follow my direction even when I’m around. It’s one thing to be cheating on rules when I’m gone, but when I’m standing in front of you? I mean, really? If I ask you not to do something, I expect it to be followed.
Of course, with lack of trust came the lying. It’s impossible to hide that you’re breaking rules without lying. Once again, I’m not fond of how all of this played out. It leaves the feeling that you aren’t interested in owning your collar nor following my direction.
The hissy fit over his punishment that followed did absolutely nothing to help the situation. Ranting, raving, and kicking walls is ridiculous. He needs to learn to grow up and act mature – even if he’s upset. Yelling at me and demanding I remove his collar and calling me a bitch as well. I mean, really? Of course, his punishment was that he wasn’t allowed to play a video game that he’d bought the day before. Yeah, only that, and he was willing to have his collar removed. It’s times like that that I have to remember that’s he’s still a spoiled brat.
Anyway, I’m interested in knowing you guy’s point of view. How does trust in your relationship work out? What rules are you expected to follow (or expect your slaves to follow) when they are gone? What would happen if you broke that trust?
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March 12th, 2010 at 6:54 pm
I’m not in a M/s type relationship, but there’s just a level of respect you need to have for your partner. You pretty much have to ask yourself if you would be doing any given activity if your partner was right there watching. I would say that could apply to both types of relationships.
Perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate your rules and your relationships with Jor. I won’t even pretend that I understand all the dynamics in another person’s lifestyle, but communication is key. Even if it’s hard and you both say things the other doesn’t want to hear. I hope you guys can sort it out.
March 12th, 2010 at 7:11 pm
What a great post. I think that this happens in every M/s relationship at some point. I know it has happened in mine. Only, it was the other way around. He was the one who was hiding something from me.
We sat down and talked about it. It wasn’t an easy talk. Small problems that we both had came to the surface. We talked about what we both expected, and what we were both doing wrong. Because, at least for us, it was a problem with the both of us. We both were doing things that the other was unsatisfied with. It wasn’t easy to hear. It makes the relationship stronger though.
Getting to the root of the problem sometimes isn’t easy, and it almost always takes time. But it is so worth while in the end. Our relationship came out stronger and I’m sure yours will too. :)