Thursday Musings
What is the biggest obstacle you will face, personally, as being a top?
Mine? Well, I’ve been wanting to write about it for awhile, but hadn’t gotten around to it because of my laziness and worry about security of starting a blog. Regardless, mine is going to be my perfectionism. I’m still ridiculously nervous and scared about playing at a party because, well, I’m afraid I won’t have perfected everything. I know you’re saying that you can’t always be the best, but for me, it’s really important. I used to spend hours practicing things before I knew I’d be performing them – especially if it mattered to me.
I’m really a perfectionist, and I never want to come across as unexperienced. I know I’m just starting into the community-aspect of it, and we’re both just starting into the more “serious” aspects of it, but for me, it hurts – a lot – when I realize I haven’t learned everything. It makes me feel stupid – like an idiot. Obviously, I don’t take it out on my sub, but I think it might be awhile until I learn to accept my youth as a “con” of my BDSM experience.
I’m trying to think of the best way to explain it all. I just hate being around people who I think may consider me unexperienced – especially something I pride myself at being good at. Maybe I’m just pushing myself too hard.
Related posts:
