Maybe you’ve always played online – or maybe this is a first for you – but delving into the world of online domination, an online service submissive, and online power exchange can definitely feel like a very “different” experience than real-life play. There’s a reason that a lot of kinksters say that it’s a poor substitute – and like “playing pretend”!
That’s because online domination and online submission definitely CAN be a poor substitute for real-life domination. When some people are unable to find any real-time connections near them, they get burned out on unfulfilling online domination options, and choose to move towards escort services and professional dominants instead of attempting to continue to try to find something online.
But online power exchange and online submission doesn’t have to be unfulfilling – especially when circumstances don’t allow you to pursue something in local meet-ups, so it might be your only option. Just because someone can’t offer you a cup of tea while you read your favorite book (and actually, they can, but we’ll get to that!), doesn’t mean that online BDSM service isn’t still a valid form of power exchange between two individuals. Just because it’s harder to touch, taste, or “feel” your partner through a virtual connection doesn’t mean that you two can’t connect in intimate ways. You definitely can! You just need to be creative about it!
I wrote this list because, as a female dominant, I regularly found online domination to be, well, sorely lacking. It seemed to be guy after guy who wanted a quick wank session – and expected me to enjoy myself AND provide all of the session too! And maybe that was fun for a little bit, but it quickly got really, really old. I didn’t necessarily want to just find a new guy to masturbate with every day. Sure, that’s fun when I’m in the mood, but that wasn’t what “owning an online sub” felt like to me. “Owning a sub” in person just didn’t feel anything like that online experience. All the online I found just felt like just casual sex. (And “providing all the effort for that casual sex” wasn’t rare either, but that’s an entirely different complaint.)
And I wanted something that felt intimate, bonding, and actually real. Even if the cruelty of our locations would make it difficult to ever actually make it “in-person real”.
So I started seeking out online femdommes to chat with about this – only most seemed as lost as I was. A lot had given up on ever trying online (the term “jerk-off provider” came up often) and was trying to wade their ways into in-person connections. It’s sad that, because online lends itself well to “fast food BDSM”, it can be hard for people, especially online subs, to put effort into or “make” these actual connections online. There’s a reason that online BDSM and online domination has such a poor reputation. It’s because, once you’ve tried something in-person, it seems like everyone online just wants to do the “fast food” version of it – instead of the real-life version which feels much closer to a gourmet meal at a restaurant where you’ve had reservations for six months.
I don’t know if online will ever quite make it to the “reservation for six months” level, but if service is what you’re after, your online femdom relationship can make it to “delicious gourmet meal” level – definitely.
(Some online femdom domination tips before we begin)
And that brings me to my first point: you and your online service submissive should DEFINITELY set relationship expectations before you begin.
If your submissive is looking for a long-term commitment for the next three months – and you just want someone to direct via webcam until you both have a delicious orgasm, the two of you are going to be bickering and having issues real quick.
While I know it can be rough to “turn down” a potential partner who otherwise seems amazing – just because they’re looking for something different than you are – it’s usually the prudent choice. You can’t “make” an online sub submit to more-than-sex if they don’t want to, and if all they want is sex (and you want more), you’re going to quickly drain yourself out – and feel pretty jaded about this whole online BDSM experience.
Some great questions to ascertain your online subs’ interests in a power exchange relationship can include:
- “In an ideal world, what would our online relationship look like?”
- “How often would we chat? Do you mostly expect real-time?” (Be wary of anyone who mentions “going on cam” as that generally means they want someone to watch them “perform”)
- “What options do you have for online communicating?” (Snapchat, Kik, Discord, etc.)
- “What services can you provide for me?”
- “What might I find you useful for?”
- “What real-life responsibilities will impact our relationship, and how can I make sure we don’t disturb them?”
- “How long are you hoping this might last?”
- “If you’re uninterested in continuing, how would you let me know?” (Be wary of someone who doesn’t have a clear answer for this. You’ll likely get ghosted.)
If that sounds like negotiation, well, it is! It isn’t necessarily the sexiest of conversations, but it DOES help the two of you get on the same page. Without that conversation, some of these relationships will definitely become a waste of time. There’s no point in spending two weeks with an online submissive, training them to keep an Excel list of movies for you while you tease them and banter with them, only to have them disappear without a trace. It’s a waste of your time – and like we said, tends to make people pretty jaded about the online thing in general.
As you’ll note, none of those are about fetishes or kinks. Fetishes and kinks can be awesome and hot as hell – and definitely important! – but they aren’t the be-all, end-all of compatibility. If you’re looking for a long-term online play partner – or just for online service submission – it’s important to know where the two of you stand. If you’re just looking for sexual play, this list probably isn’t for you – and you might consider placing “mutual fetishes” higher on the negotiation list.
With that in mind, I highly, highly recommend that you don’t delve into the “sex” parts of this online domination and online kinky service until you’ve been chatting a few days – especially if you’re interested in the service aspects of this online power exchange relationship. I know the relationship high is, well, it’s very real! But delving straight into the sex will set an expectation for your interactions – and the online sexting can be much hotter down the road when you’ve let that desire simmer.
Now, I don’t want you to think this is similar to the “don’t put out on the first date” rule. It is not. You can “put out” whenever the heck you want – no judgment. I want you to think of it as only inviting your date over at 2AM. While you might not have had any *expectations* of sex when you invited them, you most-likely were lonely/horny when you sent that text, and for a lot of people, a 2AM invite means “Come have the sex”. Something similar can happen online – and it’s definitely more impactful on your online power exchange service relationship. If your submissive gets online and you both regularly jump into the sexy and kinky parts, that’s going to become the expectation. Transitioning into more traditional service expectations might become more difficult – or your submissive might expect that their effort of service are the “good sub” tokens they turn-in for sex. (Which, hey, maybe that’s exactly what you want!)
If it seems like the only thing the two of you do is casual sex each time you talk, your online submissive may choose not to log in or chat with you unless he or she is horny – which is probably not what you wanted if you’re reading this article.
Partnered with the fact that it can be a lot harder to have clearly non-sexual “dates” online than in-person, this can quickly become an ingrained response for the two of you (where “You both are online = Enjoying some Kink Play”). And while most online dominants like training their submissives, this might not be the behavior you wanted to train.
So, ready to get to the fun stuff? If you’re looking for online femdom domination ideas (or online service domination ideas!), these are all fantastic choices:
(BDSM ideas for College/Studying Help)
If you’re in college or studying to learn something new (for whatever reason), your online service submissive can read up on the basics of your topic – and create a quiz or test for you to take.
If doing this for academic achievement, you’ll want to get your online submissive on the (literally!) same page (of the same textbook), but e-books make that easy nowadays.
If this is just for fun, the internet is a giant realm of amazing information – including free online college courses – that both of you can take together to keep you on the same page.
If you want to make it sexual, you can request their help to study – and their future orgasms will depend on how well you do on the quiz or exam.
(Trust Level: Low)
(Make your BDSM submissive find you new porn)
Do you have a specific kink or fetish? Or maybe you’ve just *really* been craving something in particular? That’s where this comes in.
Sort of like a homework assignment, you can “assign” your online slave to find you new porn. You can set limitations based on your preferences for delivery (videos, pictures, erotica, links, etc.) or preferences for the porn itself (queer, femdom, etc.). You can set a minimum number they must deliver – or if you’re into the idea of them getting aroused by the same thing you’re currently into, you can make this an evening, everyday assignment for an extended period of time!
Depending on how real-time you want this to be, you can have a shared Dropbox or file-sharing account to see each individual image/video as they upload them.
If you want to enjoy their lovely finds later (especially if schedules don’t line up), you can assign this as homework for a non-real-time kinky assignment.
(Trust Level: Low)
(Consider D/s video game tasks)
A lot of video games offer online and social components – and that includes trading or playing the video game together. If you’re a gamer, an online gaming slave can be pretty damn hot – and useful! You can tease them sexually while also getting to enjoy your favorite game. Win-win, really.
An online video game sub can be a great fit for running dungeons with you – especially when you feel like it and they need to be available for it.
If you’re not into some of the grinding or monotonous aspects of the game, you can consider assigning them the work you don’t want to do. (And if you want, allow them an orgasm or treat for every X number of things they do!)
If you’re really into your particular video game, your online kinky video game submissive can be used to read patch notes for you – and summarize the things you care about. Some online games have new news stories multiple times a week! This way, you keep up on all of the news and don’t have to read about the things you don’t care about.
(Trust Level: Low-ish – assuming a lack of a resource won’t throw off your game if the online service submissive disappears)
(Ask your service submissive to help you shop)
I absolutely love buying things I want. (Who doesn’t?) I also absolutely love saving money when I buy those exact same things. Having an online service slave can really help with this.
If there’s an item you’re really into – but willing to wait to buy until it’s discounted – use your online domination to make it happen. Tell your virtual submissive to check the item daily – and see if there’s a discount or if the item has gone on clearance. When the price drops on your item, you’ll be the first to know – and then you can buy it!
If you’re really into shopping and buy things often, consider asking your online slave to create a new e-mail account that is purely used for signing up for marketing e-mails from your favorite online stores. They can report back to you, daily, about any deals that are above-and-beyond the usual price discounts (that they’ve started tracking, right?!) to ensure you’re always getting a good deal.
If you need another online femdom idea, consider using your “shopping” slave for finding products too. If you need a new dishwasher/hairbrush/vibrator, etc., require your online submissive to look over reviews and gather the best options for you – along with why they think those options are the best options.
You can also use this for price comparison purposes if you want your virtual submissive to find the best price on something you know you’re going to buy.
(Trust Level: Low)
(Online BDSM and personal training)
Did you know that a lot of personal trainers work online-only now? If your submissive has knowledge in personal training, that can be a lovely way to put their skills to your use. Have them draft up a workout plan for you.
If you want to be particularly sadistic about it, you can tie their orgasms to whatever progress you’re hoping to make.
If your online service submissive doesn’t have a personal training skillset, you also can just use them as an “accountability” buddy to ensure you stay on track with whatever your current workout program is. Ask them to text you if you’ve worked out – or to send you new workouts that align with things you like to do. (Receiving new dance workouts with cool choreography would definitely energize me to work out.)
On the flip-side, you can also require your submissive to workout or meet healthy living goals – and tie their orgasms or punishments to how well they follow your instructions. There are quite a few online platforms that allow you to “build a workout plan” – and you can kinkify those to make a workout plan for an online service submissive to follow.
(Trust Level: Medium)
(Ask your online BDSM slave to help you track your to-do list)
We all have that running mental list in our heads of things we want to do. For some of us, it’s a bunch of new Netflix shows that our friends have mentioned. For others, it’s various tasks we want to do around the house. If some of those mental items disappeared, we’ll likely remember them later, but it’s mostly inconsequential.
For stuff like that, consider making your submissive your bookkeeper. Through a shared spreadsheet (like Google Drive), you can quickly text your sub and ask them to add anything to your spreadsheet – and keep it organized for easy perusal.
So when your friend says “You HAVE to watch this new show!” over coffee, you just fire off a text, and that show will be added to a spreadsheet that you can access later. Feel free to ask the submissive to add anything else, too – like Rotten Tomatoes links or how long the movie is so you can easily figure out what you want to do later.
(Make sure you retain ownership/access to the spreadsheet just in case your online service submissive disappears)
(Trust Level: Variable)
(Your online BDSM servant can deliver your food)
Are you someone who loves food – delivered right to your door? Food delivery services have made this effortless and easy – and there’s no reason someone needs to be local in order to deliver food to your home. (Including a morning coffee. Yum!)
Create a new account at your favorite food delivery site, and save your credit card number onto the site. (For security reasons, depending on how long you’ve been with your online submissive, check to ensure the site doesn’t display or allow access to the entire number).
Once it’s saved (or, if you’re worried about security, buy a gift card to the site and save that on there instead! It’ll have a limited balance), you can order your online BDSM sub to order your delivery orders when you feel like it.
Once you’ve done a few orders through the account, it’ll remember your favorites, so it becomes really effortless. A quick text of “Slut, order my usual through Tito’s ASAP” is all it will take to have a delicious meal show up at your door.
If you want to make it sexual (and are open to some food experimentations), only tell your online power exchange partner the restaurant you want them to order from. Their orgasms/punishment will depend on how much you enjoy the food that’s delivered to you.
(Trust Level: High)
(Use your online domination to refill your fridge)
The same idea as food delivery, your online submissive can keep track of your grocery order.
Every time you need something, you can ask your online service sub to place it on a logged-in account to your favorite grocery store. Your credit card number can be pre-loaded into this shared account, so your submissive will be (literally!) keeping your weekly grocery list ready for you! Just walk to or drive to your grocery store, and the grocery store and your groceries will all be ready and waiting for curbside pick-up!
If you prefer delivery, most grocery stores offer to-home delivery now-a-days, so your submissive can have your groceries ready and at-your-door when you want them.
You can make this as in-depth, sexual, and regimented as you want – or not! You can require your online service submissive to deliver your grocery on the same day each week (and deny orgasms or provide punishments if not!), or you can require them to be available at a moment’s notice to place the order if you prefer drive-up.
(Trust Level: High)
(Femdom online domination to help you keep a budget and track your receipts)
Want to reign in the spending a bit? You can work with an online submissive on a budget – especially if that’s where their vanilla skills lie. You don’t need to reveal personal details in order to reveal how much you make – and how much your bills cost. If your online submissive has skills in budgeting, this can be a lovely way to work together on something – and improve your life at the same time.
Receipt tracking is another lovely thing that can easily be done online. Take a quick picture of a receipt, text it off to your submissive, and they can easily organize your receipts in a shared online folder. They could also take the data off the receipt and add it to a shared online spreadsheet as well. Plus, if you’re working on a budget with them, they can keep you updated on how much money you have left within your budget categories. Double-functionality!
This could be especially helpful for small business owners – or people who might need to keep track of receipts for their work.
(Trust Level: Medium or High)
Even online, I’m still an introvert. While online events are so much easier for my introvert ass to attend, it still isn’t perfectly easy – and you know what would be helpful? An online buddy to attend the event with me.
If it’s a class, it gives me someone to chat with during the class (make sure your video is off and do it privately; don’t disturb the class) as well as someone to force to “take notes”. If it’s a social event, it gives me someone that I “know” – and someone I can chat with and depend on to move the conversation along – especially if they’re extroverted or better at the lubricant of social interactions than I am.
Plus, conversing together during and after the event can help make the information (especially if it was a class) sink in better – and you both have “shared” an experience together that you can talk about later!
(Trust Level: Very Low)
All of the above online BDSM service ideas are general ideas that can work for most people with general internet access and skills – regardless of the individual’s online service submissive’s skillset. The below ideas are much-more-tailored and are especially designed to work with your submissive’s real-life skillset in an online dynamic. Presumably, most people (submissives included!) have things they’re good-at in real-life. These online submissive service ideas are designed to play off of their daily skills. (And hey, if a submissive is interested in improving themselves, they can always learn how to provide the skill as well!)
That doesn’t mean you should abuse a submissive’s willingness to serve. I’m sure it doesn’t need to be stated, but some people will willingly submit to virtually anything – and find it hard to say “no”. Utilize your dominant personality to ensure there’s open communication, and the submissive wants to be using their skills like this, and nobody is feeling unfairly “used”.
It’s also worth noting that you’ll want to double-check your comfort level before utilizing some of these tasks. A lot of them may involve personal data/photos/etc. Make sure you’re in a trusting relationship where this is something you feel comfortable with before asking your online service submissive to complete tasks in these realms.
(Online BDSM and video production)
Have videos – need cohesion? A submissive who’s good with video production can help pull everything together. If you took 30 videos of you and your friends during your last outing, a service submissive could easily pull all of those videos together in a cohesive, single video – and probably make it look pretty awesome too! This could also be used for anything else you use videos for – including showing off a new kinky toy, making a video recording of an average day, or anything else you had in mind!
If you want to make it sexual and fun, consider taking a few videos of yourself doing something your submissive would find teasing – then ask them to put them together into a single, cohesive video.
(Trust Level: Variable)
(kinky slave for social media management)
A lot of us want active, engaging social media profiles – and not even just people who run businesses! If your partner is up for it, these online service BDSM tasks are a good fit. You can provide your submissive with your social media account information to log into your account, follow others, and schedule content for your account. You, of course, will want to set ground rules and limitations about this service. Should they reply to comments? Should they start new conversations with other people? Alternatively, if you don’t wish to provide full information to your social media account, you can allow them posting privileges via a business social media management service (Hootsuite, etc.). Your base account privacy (like passwords!) will be safe while they can still make the posts you want them to make.
For lower-trust alternatives, there’s no reason your online service sub needs access to your social media accounts. This will require more work on your part, but it can still work a-okay! Use an online file sharing service (like Dropbox or something) to provide the photos or other assets you want them to work from. Your online service submissive can still do quite a bit! They can edit photos, make or find fun quotes for your socials, and generally have good information about hashtags you should be targeting. You know, basic SEO and social media stuff. It can take a lot of pressure off your shoulders.
(Trust Level: Variable)
(Order an online BDSM sub to write erotica)
Is your online sub a writer? Honestly, this is one of my favorite online submissive to play with! Subs who are into writing can craft amazing stories – and I love reading. Consider assigning various writing tasks to them – including writing out flushed-out stories about some of your fantasies. You can also consider assigning them the task of writing out their own fantasies for your perusal. Maybe you’d like them to write out a story about what would happen the first time the two of you meet?
(Trust Level: Low)
(kinky copyediting)
Does your online sub do a lot of reading? If you do a lot of writing, this can be a lovely match! Your submissive can easily read some of your writing – and hopefully provide feedback. This is especially helpful if your submissive has experience in copy-editing! You might consider requiring them to educate themselves in beginner copy-editing practices if you’re hoping to utilize their skillset more often. Google Drive Documents (and other file-sharing document services) can be really useful for adding notes and comments to a piece of writing.
(Trust Level: Variable)
(reading a book out loud)
Do you want to listen to a book – but can’t find the audiobook? Or maybe you find your sub’s voice relaxing, calming, or sexual? Ask them to record themselves reading a book out loud for you! You get to listen to your sub reading a book for you – and get to enjoy the books you wanted to read at the same time!
Want to make it more sexual? Erotica books and online sexual fanfiction would count as well!
Thanks to @Charm_Quark_ for this suggestion!
(Trust Level: Low)
(Command an online submissive to explore your city!)
Does your online submissive live in the same region or location as you? They can do a lot of local scouting! If you were looking to try out a new coffeeshop, send your online submissive into the coffeeshop first – and require them to report back about the things you care about. It’s sort of like having your own personal Yelp reviewer!
If you ever plan on meeting up, this can also be a lovely way to involve D/s into your initial meet-up location (and judge how serious they are about the meet up!). You can have your online submissive scout out the locations, report back, and you can eventually choose which location will become the spot for your first meeting.
If they aren’t in the same area but you trust them with that general information, you can ask your online submissive to keep you updated about on-goings in your area. Love beer festivals? Their job is now to let you know what beer festivals are going on in your state/local area. You can ask them to keep you apprised of new businesses opening that you might be interested in – or anything similar!
Just be aware that this carries a decent level of risk as you’ll be letting someone know the places you’d be interested in visiting – which could be used for nefarious purposes by an asshole.
(Trust Level: Medium)
(Online slave service for graphic design)
In your online service BDSM dynamic, if your submissive has skills in graphic design, they could choose to utilize them to make your life easier. They could craft images for your social medias – or just edit up selfies that you’ve taken (we all know that most of us like to remove acne and such!). If you run an online business and they agree to help, graphic design can be amazingly helpful for that as well! Or maybe you just want a nice banner for your social media profile!
Even if your online service slave isn’t great at graphic design on their own, they can still help. Nowadays, tons of online programs offer pre-made graphic design options. Use an app like Canva (or a cell phone app!) for “insert your own content graphics”.
(Trust Level: Variable)
(Have your online service submissive complete schedule tasks for you)
A “virtual secretary” is a real thing in the business world, and if your BDSM service online dynamic includes a submissive with some skill with that (and a lot of trust!), you could choose to utilize that skillset. A kinky virtual assistant can answer e-mails, book appointments, and remind you of upcoming appointments. Depending on your other online activities, they could also save you time by purchasing items you’re interested in (using the online accounts system we talked about earlier!) or booking your kink event tickets for you – and then reminding you when the event is coming up!
(Trust Level: High)
(Command your online service slave to craft travel plans for you)
We all know about travel agents, but a lot of us don’t use them – at least not in our personal lives. If this is something you’d be interested in, your submissive could do some reading and learn the basics of providing such a service. You can keep it more low-key (like “search for hotels within my price budget in this city during these dates and provide me the ones that are over 4 stars”) or you could make it something more involved (“keep an eye out on prices for all vacation bookings in the Florida area and let me know when it goes below this price”). You don’t necessarily need to provide any personal booking information in order to allow your online service submission to include travel planning. Just take advantage of all of the ways that travel can be planned and compared online!
(Trust Level: Medium)
Just as an example, here’s all of the ways I could have used an online service submissive throughout my crafting of this 5,000+-word post.
Sounding Board: I think I came up with some great ideas, but I would have loved to have a submissive’s viewpoint on some of these, too – or one who had some differing viewpoints or suggestions on what I have here.
Food Service: I had to stop writing this post for both lunch and dinner on multiple days. An online service submissive could have ensured my groceries were in my kitchen for me to make my food – or could have effortlessly ordered lunch or dinner for me to avoid my constant “getting distracted by shiny things while writing”.
Reading: While I went through the post and looked for any errors or changes I wanted to make, having a second set of eyes (and especially a set who has a different viewpoint!) would have been very helpful.
Graphic Design: The header banners and post banner all required graphic design.
Update: May 2022, February 2022, January 2022, April 2021.
