A Beginner’s Introduction to Hotwifing

When you mention sharing their romantic, long-term, and sexual partner, there are two types of guys in this world – the ones who get jealous and the ones who find it kind of arousing. Men who get turned on by watching their wife or girlfriend flirting with another man might find themselves looking into the world of “hotwifing”. A very similar kink to the cuckold fetish, hotwifing is a kink where the female-presenting partner has sex with other people – with the consent of her partner. Her partner generally doesn’t have partners of their own, and the outside-the-relationship trysts are usually sex-only. Depending on the comfort level of the participants and the hotwife’s sex partner, the hotwife’s own dating partner may watch or play a secondary role within the tryst. Chastity, “creampie eating”, femdomme, and humiliation tend to be kinks that often coexist with the hotwifing kink.

Why Might Men Love It?

Why would any man enjoy watching his wife in bed with another man? Everything we’re taught in our culture seems to go against the idea of allowing this. There are a myriad of reasons why a guy might be into hotwifing, however. After all, what better way to see your partner in a new light than watching her experience some parts of the “dating life” all over again?

For the submissive men among us, some men go into the hotwifing arrangement for the submissive sensations that it brings. In a culture that prioritizes “keeping control of your woman”, watching your partner seek out, play with, and have sex with other men can be a very humbling experience. Men into this aspect of the kink generally have other sub-leaning kinks like chastity, “cleaning up” their partner after the encounter, or experiencing some forms of humiliation about her newfound pleasure with another partner. For many within the submissive mindset, the onus of finding new partners and enjoying them will be on the woman of the relationship.

Other men may be less power-exchange-focused. For these men, they enjoy the thrill of watching their partners have sex with other men. If you think about it, it could basically be liking a porn video – only it’s in-person and with the person you love! These men may take an active role in helping the woman find the men for their hotwifing adventure. It can rejuvenate the relationship with the same feelings you felt during dating – only now you’re “dating together” for another person! In many cases, men without the power exchange focus may find themselves active within swinger’s communities or other areas where it’s easier to find a guy who’s interested in the casual exchange with his partner.

Why Might Women Love It?

Well, we could skirt around it, but there’s the obvious reason she might enjoy it: she gets to enjoy having sex with other people other than her current partner. Instead of keeping her fantasies about people to herself, she can actively act on them. If she meets a hot guy at the grocery store? Instead of just improving the look of the dairy section while she’s trying to pick up groceries, she can actively chat him up and see where things lead.

Along with that, like we’ll talk about later, she might genuinely enjoy the attention she’s getting from being back “in the dating game”. Not only does she have a stable partner at home (so there’s no pressure to her “dating” for a sex partner), but there’s a whole lot of sexual energy and confidence-boosters that can happen in the world of finding a new sex partner. Not to mention, it’s a whole lot easier to “date” just for sex – nobody has to worry about whether they’re emotionally compatible! Good sex, trustworthy, and reliable? Then that’s a great partner for hotwifing.

Let’s also remember that some women have fetishes of their own. While the community of hotwifing tends to focus on the male’s fetish fulfillment, cuckolding and hotwifing can fulfill a woman’s kinks too. She might enjoy being on display – and being the center of attention of two guys can certainly be a great way to fulfill that. Plus, this works great for other fetish fulfillment too – like kinks that their long-term partner may not be into. Plus, some women are into the hotwifing and cuckolding fetish on their own too!

If You Want to Try It, You Have to Be Honest with Your Spouse

Suggesting any type of fetish to your partner can be terrifying – especially something that involves people outside of your current relationships. However, there’s no chance of actually experiencing the fetish if you don’t bring it up. So, yeah, it can definitely be scary, but if you don’t take that plunge, there’s no way you’ll ever get to try it. In particular, I’d recommend rehearsing your reasons as to why you’d like to try it – and how you think it would improve your relationship. One of the first questions out of your partner’s mouth is likely going to be “Why would you want to do that?” Having a good answer – and one that focuses on the two of you – will help your partner understand your desire a lot better.

If your partner is on-board with the idea, before you dive into cuckolding or hotwifing, have an honest communication with your partner about jealousy and open communication. Like any relationship agreement that’s “outside the everyday life”, jealousy is going to pop up. It’s not an “if” – it’s a “WHEN”. Before you jump down this path, you both need to have an open discussion about how willing you are to express your own jealousy – and what you both can do together to alleviate this jealous. Consider some jealousy workbooks to make sure the two of you are ready to discuss when this pops up.

(There’s a myriad of reasons why the “If we get jealous, we’ll just stop!” plan usually doesn’t work. The biggest reason is that only one person generally experiences jealousy at one time. So while she might be having the time of her life, he’s feeling jealous. You can see how pulling the plug at that moment might lead to resentment on her part – and doesn’t actually treat the underlying jealousy either. Like I said, consider checking out some jealousy workbooks to make sure you can communicate why you’re feeling jealous – and how you two would like to work together to reduce those feelings.)

Yours and Your Partner’s Safety Is Paramount

If you and your lover decide to try the cuckold fetish, you have to know how to stay safe. Choosing a man to have sex with your wife is not a simple thing to do. That person has to be trustworthy, respectful, and within your risk profile for STIs. Make sure you and your partner have a clear discussion about your risk profile for STIs. Do you want potential sex partners to provide documentation of STI status before encounters? This might reduce the guys you can find, but it might be what the two of you need for your peace of mind. When asking for this information, keep in mind that you will need to provide the same information – and make sure your pocketbook can withstand those regular check-ups.

Of course, that’s not the “only” safety concern either. Especially if she’s doing the meeting-up solo, all of the standard “risks for dating while a female” apply. Make sure to meet the new partner in a public space, and to increase safety, you might try to consider fun ways that the long-term partner can be on stand-by nearby in case something happens.

The Cuckold Fetish Can Make Your Sex Life Better

As you’ve read through this article, you’ve probably noticed all of the “bonuses” that the hotwifing fetish can provide. Not only do the two of you get to act out fantasies, but it’ll change your dynamic for the better as well. The two of you will be exploring a new experience – and as psychology has figured out, no matter the new experience, as long as it’s positive, it works well for bonding hormones.

Not to mention, hotwifing can be an amazing way to get out of the “day in, day out” feeling of everyday life. Especially if the two of you have been dating for a long time, it can be easier to let the unnecessary “upkeep” of your appearance “go”. (This is stated with the clear assumption that outside of basic hygiene, there is no “necessary” part of appearance upkeep. You do you.) The point is, no matter what your baseline “standard look” is, almost all of us pull out the stops when we’re going out for a special occasion or going on a first date. We want to look our best. Whether that means a 4-hour spa day for you or just actually putting on some make-up, hotwifing can provide a fantastic excuse to get us out of the standard routines and patterns that most of us get “stuck” in once we’re in a happy and content relationship.

Of course, that’s not to say that hotwifing and cuckolding will be your one-stop fix for every issue. It won’t. And in fact, contrary to all of the porn out there, hotwifing isn’t magically going to go smoothly either. Issues are going to pop up. Maybe he’s never seen her act like that during sex – and it’s an unsettling thought. Maybe her new sex partner isn’t okay with her sending photos of their sex together – and her long-term partner is feeling really left out. Or maybe she finds herself dealing with some new and different feelings for her long-term partner as she watches him kneel quietly in the corner while she enjoys her casual sex partner.

We’re human beings. These complex emotions come up – and as long as we have the tools to have open discussions and know that we’ll be heard, most problems are solvable – and just small roadbumps in the whole world of pleasure that cuckolding and hotwifing can expose.

Mistress Kay
Mistress Kay
Sex toy reviewer, kink educator, and weirdo who is constantly staging pretty photos for sex toys.

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